Top 50 Sean Avery Jokes: The Rangers Star Everyone Loves To Hate

Martin AverySenior Writer IApril 27, 2009

PHILADELPHIA - NOVEMBER 24:  Sean Avery #16 of the Dallas Stars skates against the Phildelphia Flyers on November 24, 2008 at the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

The New York Rangers super-pest and uber agitator is not just the hockey player that fans and sportswriters love to hate, he's also the one everybody loves to make jokes about.

Why? His persona is puckish, like the Joker in Batman, or Shakespeare's Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream. That's why I've compiled this short list of Avery jokes.

1. Do the Rangers need Sean Avery?
A. The Rangers don't need Sean Avery. They need two Sean Averys.

2. How many do Sean Averys do the Rangers need, really?
A. The Rangers need the whole team to play like Sean Avery.

3. How many Sean Averys does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One to break the lighbulb with his hockey stick, one to get suspended indefinitely by the NHL and go to anger management, one to make a comeback and light it up by scoring 2 goals in 1 game.

4. How do you make Sean Avery mad?
A. Look at him.

5. Why did Sean Avery cross the road.
A. Because he's not a chicken.

6. Why did Sean Avery open a restaurant?
A. He likes finishing checks.

7. Why don't NHL referees like Sean Avery?
A. Shut up, you stupid idiot—that was the worst call ever made, you moron!

8. Why do do Rangers fans love Sean Avery?
A. He's their best forward.

9. Why did Sean Avery cross the road?
A. He was stapled to a chicken.

10. How can you tell Sean Avery is from Toronto?
A. Everybody in Canada loves to hate Toronto, too.

11. What would you rather have: Sean Avery on your team or Sean Avery on the team you're playing against?
A. There's no question!

12. What proof is there that Sean Avery is tougher than Jack Bauer.
A. Sean Avery is the only person who dated Jack Bauer's daughter, Kim, and lived to talk about it.

13. Why wasn't Sean Avery drafted into the NHL?
A. Nobody tells Sean Avery where to go.

14. Why didn't things work out for Sean Avery in Dallas, Texas?
A. Men's Vogue is in NYC.

15. What did Sean Avery learn in Anger Management?
A. Nothing!

16. What's wrong with Sean Avery?
A. He has ice in his veins and likes blood on the ice.

17. What will Sean Avery do when hell freezes over?
A. He'll play hockey there, too.

18. What does Sean Avery have n common with Martin Brodeur?
A. Brodeur plays for the Devils and Avery keeps a devil on his shoulder.

19. Why does Sean Avery have a devil on his shoulder?
A. Sometimes he wants to turn to someone for advice.

20. Who's tougher: Sean Avery or Chuck Norris?
A. Chuck Norris can't even skate!

21. Who's faster: Sean Avery or Chuck Norris?
A. Avery could skate rings around Chuck Norris.

22. What is Sean Avery's favorite Washington capital?
A. Spokane.

23. Why is Sean Avery learning Russian?
A. So he can trash-talk Simeon Varlamov.

24. What would Sean Avery do if he was in your shoes?
A. Throw them out and get some new Rapiécés Reprisés by Berluti.

25. What's Sean Avery's favorite suit?
A. Assault.

26. Why doesn't Sean Avery grow a playoff beard?
A. He doesn't want to be mistaken for a fanatic.

27. Why didn't Sean Avery like the Dallas Stars?
A. He couldn't find any.

28. Why do some many people love to hate Sean Avery?
A. It's his nature.

29. What's the name of Sean Avery's new movie?
A. Puckface!

30. Why did Tortorella suspend Avery?
A. For undisciplined antics against Washington.

31. How do you get Sean Avery to fight?
A. Timing.

32. Jack or Ralph, in Lord Of The Flies?
A. Sean Avery

33. If there was a new rule for unsportsmanlike conduct, who would it be named after?
A. Sean Avery.

34. Who will never win the Lady Byng?
A. Sean Avery

35. Who did the Ranger go from vanilla to villain?
A. Sean Avery

36. How does Sean Avery spell 'vanilla'?
A. V-i-l-l-a-i-n.

37. You're the coach, Game Seven between New York and Washington is tied, there's two minutes left to play, it's an emotional game, who do you leave on the Rangers bench?
A. Henrik Lundqvist.

38. What nightmare do all NHL goalies have?
A. Sean Avery.

39. How many hockey players have Gap ads?
A. Sean Avery.

40. Who played "Killer" Dill in the movie about Rocket Richard?
A. Sean Avery

41. Why did Sean Avery intern at Vogue.
A. To date models, stupid.

42. What happens if you make fun of the way Sean Avery dresses?
A. He'll kick your butt with a very expensive pair of shoes that match his belt and shirt.

43. Who was the best fighter for the Hartford Wolf Pack this year?
A. Sean Avery's buddy Don "Sugar" Sugden

44. What's black and blue and red all over?
A. You, after you play hockey with Sean Avery.

45. Who hates Sean Avery more: Simeon Varlamov or Tim Thomas?
A. Marty Brodeur.

46. How and why did the Rangers get into the playoffs this year?
A. Sean Avery.

47. Did you know Sean Avery's tears cure cancer in the locker room?
A. Too bad Sean Avery never cries.

48. Sean Avery goes into a bar...
A. Avery is partnering with Beatrice Inn proprietor Matt Abramcyk in opening an intimate bar and restaurant called Warren 77, located at 77 Warren Street in Tribeca, New York City.

49. If Sean Avery were an actor and he happened to have a role in a current box-office smash, would he be a Monster or an Alien?
A. Puckface.

50. How many Sean Averys does it take to change a light bulb.
A. Bruce Boudreau says Sean Avery is not going to change. Anything.