The NBA Playoffs' Ugly/Pretty Style-of-Play Spectrum

If your favorite team's playoff style were a hottie at the bar, would you pick him or her up?

Some of the teams who've made it thus far in the postseason are grinders, willing their ways to victory by hook or by crook. Some are still forging an identity. Some rely more on speed or finesse. And a few will simply drive a stake through your heart no matter what you do.

Let's take off the beer goggles and examine the remaining playoff teams in the sober light of play. Who are the beauty queens, and who's got style only a mother could love?

Slides go from ugliest to prettiest.

'90s Thug-Ball Revisited

In many cases, this headline is giving these teams too much credit. The great thugball teams played some of the most memorable defense the game has ever seen. Some of these teams are, by contrast, simply struggling to score.

Take the Boston Celtics. Paul Pierce, who turned back the clock more than a few times in the regular season, and Kevin Garnett are finally starting to show their age.

Though Pierce's heroics helped the Celtics stave off a sweep on their fabled parquet floor, had Game 4 been five minutes longer, the smart money would have been on the Knicks.

Nevertheless, the team showed fight, playing physical basketball to stay alive.

Boston's style: Massachusetts Maulers

Most of this season, the Chicago Bulls could have been renamed the Bullies—tough in the paint, crushing defense.

But with Derrick Rose and Kirk Hinrich out, the Bulls have apparently and bizarrely been swayed by that old maxim that says you need a star player for the playoffs.

They've decided to mint a temporary superstar, instead of involving their other players and staying true to their team-oriented, defensively efficient game.

Nate Robinson—sounds more like a journeyman's name than a superstar's, doesn't it?—kept them in the triple-overtime Game 4 with a wondrous performance.

The Bulls tried to use Robinson to make history repeat itself in Game 5, but as was bound to happen, the team ended up seeing stars.

Chicago's style: Here, To You, Mr. Robinson

I'm personally stunned that the Indiana Pacers have let their 2-0 lead slip away. Josh Smith had a lot to do with that, but so did the lack of their trademark physicality, which was so prevalent and effective all season and in the first two games.

You remember the moment in Rocky where Rocky throws punches after the bell, and Apollo suddenly realizes this is not going to be the easy fight he thought it would? That's what happened. The Hawks withstood the Pacers' best blows in Game 4.

Still and all, though, Indiana's style has to be described as Pacers Punch.

The Memphis Grizzles allowed the third-lowest pace in the NBA in the regular season and were second in defensive efficiency. Zach Randolph has brought the team back from dire straits with two straight wins. With Marc Gasol and Randolph controlling the inside game, the Grizzlies, perhaps more than any other team, dictate play with their defense.

Memphis's style: Walking—Not Running—In Memphis.

Wait a Minute...Who Am I Here?

Will the real Atlanta Hawks please stand up?

The team likes to score in transition and was fourth in the league in knocking down the three-ball. Yet often they play a slow and plodding game.

In addition, the Hawks disappeared on defense in their first two games—both losses. Suddenly, they've been body-slamming the Pacers en route to tying up their four-game series, and their big lineup has even outmuscled the Pacers, who pride themselves on their aggressive game.

Usually, as Josh Smith goes, so go the Hawks, so it's tempting to call their style Just Joshing. But we'll describe them with a reference to another Georgia city.

Atlanta's style: Garden Of Good and Evil

I never would have expected to put the Oklahoma City Thunder here. But with Russell Westbrook out, I get exhausted just watching Kevin Durant pretty much do everything for this OKC team, including handling the point.

Don't get me wrong: Durant is more than capable of being superman. But I would have thought Oklahoma City would have taken a more team-oriented approach to life without Westbrook.

Do they have the manpower to win one of the next three games? Yeah. But I say they'll have to reinvent themselves, and soon, or the next round will be the knockout round.

OKC's style: Kev Mo'

When Deron Williams got it going in the latter half of the regular season, the Brooklyn Nets were a well-oiled machine. But who are they? They've got great scorers in Williams and the surprising Brook Lopez, who is shining in these playoffs.

But Gerald Wallace and Joe Johnson can confound as often as they can impress. And, incredibly, the team stood toe-to-toe with the Bulls the last two games.

I can't say for sure who the Nets are, even though I can say with a couple of different bounces, they'd be up 3-2 in this series.

Yet I say Brooklyn is focused more on staving off elimination than they are taking it to the Bulls.

Brooklyn's style: Dodgers

Shoot the #@!*ing Ball!

The Golden State Warriors-Denver Nuggets series has been arguably the most entertaining of the playoffs. That's because of more-than-historic shooting and two edge-of-your-seat finishes.

It's because both teams' games rely on speed. After all, both were in the top five in the league in pace this season.

That's not to say their styles are identical. For example, the Nuggets—whose frequently jaw-dropping play at the rim afflicts ESPN editors with both carpal tunnel and shortness of breath—look for shots in the paint, while the Warriors, behind the William Tell-like performance of Stephen Curry, are thriving from beyond the arc.

Denver's style: Fast-Break The Backboard

Golden State's style: The Quick and The Deadeyes

I can't remember the last time Tinseltown's lone remaining representative in the NBA playoffs was the Los Angeles Clippers, not the Lakers. Without doing research, I'm going to say it's happened exactly never.

That doesn't meant the Clippers have it all together. Their offense is high-powered, fast-paced and flat-out fun to watch. Their defense is a mixed bag. Yes, their defense holds "opponents" to the third-slowest postseason pace. But they're playing the Memphis Grizzlies, who are basketball's answer to molasses.

In defensive efficiency, the Clippers are 12th out of the 14 remaining playoff teams. Moral of the story: this team is going to win with their offense, not their defense.

Los Angeles' style: Works Best At A Fast Clip

The odd men out here are the Houston Rockets, a very young squad who are carefully instructed to shoot either behind the arc or at the rim. The offense revolves around James Harden, who's terrific but needs more weapons around him. The defense is...well, outside of Omer Asik, there really is no defense.

They'd like to be called the poor man's Warriors, but though they hung on for their first victory in these playoffs, thus far the Rockets are having nowhere close to Golden State's success.

Houston's style: In A Lone Star State

Methodical

Bruce Springsteen, in his song "Dancing In The Dark," described the San Antonio Spurs well with the lyric "Stay on the streets of this town / And they'll be carving you up all right." The longer you play against them, the more their efficient, measured style will win out.

But Billy Joel, in an obscure but awesome song called "Stiletto," perhaps puts it better: "She cuts you hard, she cuts you deep / She's got so much skill / She's so fascinating that you're still there waitin' / When she comes back for the kill."

For a purist like me, this Spurs team is an intensely satisfying pleasure to watch. They have a versatile lineup which can adjust to any combination they're facing; they play both aggressive offense and dogged defense; they're deep and they're talented.

They execute with merciless precision, and heaven help those—like the hapless, helpless Los Angeles Lakers—who stand in their way.

Right now, with the Oklahoma City Thunder missing Russell Westbrook and the Nuggets about to fall to the Warriors, there may not be much standing in their way at all…until they get to the Finals, that is.

San Antonio's style: Horse Sense

The New York Knicks can in no way compare with the Spurs for overall efficiency. After all, their pace is dead last in the playoffs, sometimes resembling a dead battery (that'll factor into the style nickname, so bear with me on the analogy).

On the other hand, Carmelo Anthony is the postseason's leading scorer, and the Knicks are fourth in made three-pointers per game. In storming out to a 3-1 lead, they sliced and diced a Celtics defense that was pretty darned good all season long.

On the other side of the ball, the Knicks' defense is the best so far statistically in the playoffs, indicating a Bronx toughness (setting up the style nickname again). Yes, it's against a Boston offense that was not one of the league's most-high powered in the regular season.

Still, so far in the playoffs, New York's style is Bronx Is Up, Even If the Battery's Down.

Showtime East

Without Russell Westbrook to put the Thunder into this category, the Miami Heat are literally in a class by themselves.

Besides some of LeBron's postgame sweaters, the only thing ugly about the Heat is the tendency to get bored by their opponents. Whenever the Milwaukee Bucks kept it close, one got the distinct feeling it was because the Heat wanted to keep things interesting.

Then, when they decide to turn it on, the team is more colorful than a stroll down South Beach's Ocean Drive.

If you're worried about the Heat getting rusty after what could be a long layoff, don't be: Some long jacuzzi and masseuse days are just what the doctor ordered this time of year. This team is simply too good to have anything to worry about. And their next opponents are both fatally flawed: the Bulls are too injured, and the Nets aren't good enough.

Miami's style: Coasting, Then Roasting