The 2nd Coming Of The Highlight Reel, Ep. Six: When The Road Ends

WWE.COM Highlight Reel

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"STOP THAT! MOVE THAT SIGN!"

Jericho walks down to the set with Lance Cade behind him.

'"This isn't airing on WWE.COM, nope...we're LIVE FROM HOUSTON, TEXAS! That's right jerichoholics rejoice! You get to feast your eyes on this elegant, radiant, sexy BEAST! The Highlight Reel is live from the Reliant Stadium. We are so close to Wrestlemania, can you feel it?I can. Tonight I promise that this will be an "action-free" show"'

The Houston Police department is on set. They all flash their badges and line up.

"If anyone put their hands on me, they will be arrested on the spot. Yes, arrested. There goes Wrestlemania folks. They'll be behind bars watching me perform at a level the likes that any of your inferiors have ever seen".

"That's not even the worst part. They'll have to worry about not having someone become their daddy. Getting back to the show, we're in the sky box and the view is fantastic. Cade! get those cameras focused below".

Cade tells the camera crew to turn the cameras to the ring.

"For every assclown, couch potato, tax payer, politician, athlete, fan and celebrity, history will be made in that very ring. The lights will create shadows and those shadows will tell the tale, we'll make the history".

"Circus men, men who hear voices and everyone else will be apart of the biggest event in twenty five years. This is it men. Before I begin, I have a little something to say".

"Tonight is the Hall of Fame ceremony. Men who gave every ounce of dedication to the business will be honored tonight. Stone Cold, Koko, Von Erichs..etc. WWE sure knows how to honor their stars. When my time comes, I better have the freaking Pope and the United Nations at my induction".

Why?

"Everyone of these men being honored are spotlight junkies. These men are leeches. They thrive on the light that they have been out casted on. The very same men are at home or retirement homes eating their cup of noodle soup because their teeth are falling out".

"The very same men who are putting on Just For Men trying to look young again. They very same men who are leaving their crutches, canes, walkers, and wheelchairs behind to jog...to get in shape so they can make the inevitable return".

'"It's for the fans, you have no respect for the business or those who came before you"'.

"That is what I keep hearing. Let me say something. That was one of the most fallacious statements I ever heard. I'm the best at what I do, people should be kissing my feet. I have an acumen for wrestling".

"These men are the incessant flies in this business. WWE drops a pile of residue, a pile of shit and these men are the flies that come buzzing. "One more time..one more time". One more time for the fans? Or for the paycheck".

"How about just feeling good again. These men are glorified vegetables. They stand there sweating and drooling. When they shit in their diapers, WWE has to clean it up. Who funds their retirement"

"My hard earned cash and hard work are funding these men like tax payers fund the lazy Americans. They continue to live the lavish lifestyle and tell me that I have no respect for the business? If it weren't for me, all of you would be on the street corner of an urban neighborhood in highly populated era with a sign. That sign would say..

"Will do catch phrase for food, will do taunt for food"

"I would come by and drop a dime in that can while you dance...dance like the puppets you are. Do you little tricks while the hypocrites gobble it up like candy. It's business people, wake up".

"These men are finished. WWE are advertisement whores and they pay these men to come back. All they have to do is come out, dance, do their taunt and they get payed. They get dental benefits for their rotten teeth".

"They get life insurance, they get health insurance. Speaking of these people, we have Smackdown...are you kidding me?" Ric Flair. This man is about 60 years old and he's running Smackdown".

"He's backstage getting payed while the active wrestlers pay for his lavish life. He comes out like he's supposed to, he dances like the dog, you idiots cheer. It's sadder than the recession. Now on the show".

Ray Bogusz's Smackdown was rebounded and can be seen here

1) Legacy vs Golden Boys

Golden Oreos err..Golden Boys?! Seriously? Why hasn't Shelton Benjamin joined? These guys sound like teachers pets. Then there's the Legacy. Legacy of what? They're two men...boys who are owned by a psychopathic man.

The same man I will defeat at mania. Goldberg and Goldust have looked pretty dominant in RAW. Legacy has been losing steam lately and I don't think they'll be able to pull out the victory at Mania. Orton will be all over them talking about "I hear voices". I hear them too. They're saying SHUT THE HELL UP ASS CLOWN! Winners: Golden Oreos

2) Money In The Bank

I don't even know all of the competitors. I've seen some though. Gregory Helms looked pretty good in that circus they call ECW. He could be on of those freaks too. R-Truth has been heating up, so I've got me eye on him.

Shelton Benjamin's U.S. title will hang with the briefcase in a bizzare turn events thanks to Paul Heyman, another old timer who needs to get his health insurance and leave. Winner: R-Truth (He danced on my show)

3) Team Swagger vs Finlay and Ricky Ortiz

This has disaster written all over it. Finlay better bring those lucky charms, he's gonna need them Ortiz? Who is he again? Hornswoggle as been kidnapped and so has Ortiz's girlfriend. Without a general the likes of RVD or Dreamer, these fools are doomed.

Team Swagger has been owning ECW and they are the only beam of light coming from that disgraceful place they consider part of the WWE. Tony Atlas is a ref, but so his Heyman. Despite many possibilities, the old man and coconut boy won't escape fate. Winners: Team Swagger

4) Ezekiel Jackson and Festus (w/Maria) vs. The Colons (WWE Tag Team Championship Match)

If I was following any other feud, it would be this one. Festus along with the help of that devious diva Maria, the two dollar trash bang ho has turned their backs on Jesse and sided with Ezekiel Jackson.

Why?

I'm not sure. Jesse was useless though. The Colons have rested the last week before mania and should be well rested for the bout. Unfortunately, being "cool" isn't enough for this showdown. Winners: Ezekiel Jackson & Festus (With Maria)

5) APA vs. Cryme Tyme vs. The Bashams (Triple Threat Tornado for World Tag Team Titles)

Cryme Tyme was on their way to unifying the tag team titles when they faced the Colons. Smackdown was seconds away from possibly not having a WWE tag title match let alone the belts alone.

The Basham brothers interfered and RAW's tag team scene has been shaken up since. APA are driven by Shane McMahon who motivates them to destroy. Cryme Tyme will be looking to get revenge on the Bashams. Winners: APA

6) Tommy Dreamer vs. Eljah Burke (ECW Title No. 1 Contendership)

Dreamer is still around? Burke too? Maybe I've been only watching Team Swagger. That's the beauty of ECW, there is always a fresh batch of freaks and or washed up has beens and never was.

One of these two assclowns will get a title shot? WOW, glad I'm not in ECW, it would be too easy for me. Swagger would destroy them both anyway. Winner: Doesn't matter, Swagger will own them both

Anonymous Guy's ECW was extreme and can be seen here.

7) Maryse vs. Michelle McCool vs. Natalya (Divas Championship Match)

All three of these lovely ladies need to come with me. In fact, I'm letting the winner know that they can come with me to celebrate after I win the WWE championship. The weeks have been long and tides have changed.

One week Natalya has executed the sharpshooter and destroys all, the next, Maryse is cleaning house. Michelle McCool is a mighty woman. Canadians are the best. Winner: Natalya

8) MVP vs. Rock (Loser Banned from Wrestling)

I think this goes back to an episode of the MVP lounge where Rock came from the crowd. This is a type of old timer I didn't get to earlier. Rock is a sellout. He can't be, his recent movies haven't been selling out.

Rock comes with his old catch phrases again. Sorry kiddies, Dwanye Johnson needs the WWE benefits. I applaud MVP. He is trying to do the right thing by ridding the WWE of the leeching scum.

I remember when I debuted August 1999, the Rock was all over me pleasing you hypocrites. Rock attacked MVP on SD! But he'll recover.  Rock will do his tricks, but MVP will have new ones cause he's ballin'. Winner: MVP

The Rock comes out and the police are surrounding him.

"FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO HOU-STON!"

The great one finds is amusing how you talk a lot of game but bring absolutely none Jericho. When was the last time you won at Wrestlemania? You lost to Triple H at X8, you lost to HBK at XIX, and you lost to Christian at XX. Now--

"Shut your pathetic little mouth you sellout. How dare you come on my show and do your little doggie tricks. It's funny because I won at Wrestlemania X7. I had a match with Angle and Benoit.

"I beat you and Austin in the same night and no other man can say the same statement. You beat Austin when he was out of his prime. You beat him when you were already the Hollywood sellout. How's life? Huh--

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH! AND KNOW YOUR ROLE!"

"It was the Rock who sold out these crowds. It was the Rock who "MAIN EVENTED" Wrestlemania, something you have yet to do three times. While you were getting your candy ass whipped by Triple H, I was whipping Hogan's candy ass. When HBK was whipping your candy ass, I was whipping Austin's candy ass. When--

"When Wrestlemania XX came, Randy Orton was expoiting you as the fraud you are. What are you doing here? This isn't the Mickey Mouse Club!No one is wearing mouse ears Rocky. This isn't Game Plan or Race to Witch Mountain, this is the Highlight Reel. Your disgracing yourself even more".

"When HBK, Orton, and Christian are all whipping your candy ass, I'll be stealing the show when I check MVP into the Smackdown Hotel! IF YOU SMEELLLLL--

Jericho slaps the mic out of Rock's hand and spits on his shoes.

"That is what I think of you. Go ahead and hit me, you'll be arrested. Get this scum bag out of my presence".

The Rock looks pissed as he is escorted off of the Highlight Reel knowing that he can't do anything. Jericho gets a glass of water and continues the predictions.

9) Kelly Kelly vs. Candice Michelle (Women's Title Match)

Here we have two women fighting for the Women's title and the right to call the other a whore. If you ask me, they're both a two dollar trash bang ho. There seems to be a lot of them around these days.

Kelly Kelly and Candice Michelle has been hair pulling and screaming. I can't really predict who'll come out on top, so I'll go with the better looking. Winner: Kelly Kelly (Sorry Candice, you fell off)

10) Hardy vs. Hardy (Last Man Standing Match No DQ)

These brother really had it out for each other. Paying off people and getting Europeans (Khali and Koslov) to hurt one another. These were two brothers who grew up together with the same dream to wrestle.

They both made it into the WWE and have lit up the tag team scene. Awww what a touching story. This isn't bad, it's a blessing. Matt Hardy will be able to expose Jeff Hardy for the junkie he is. Winner: Matt Hardy

11) Undertaker vs. Triple-H (Casket Match)

This is a perfect example of how good intentions can go awry. Triple H wanted to take out Edge of the road to Wrestlemania tournament. Triple H ended up getting Taker DQ'ed as Edge picked up the win thanks to Trips interference.

Undertaker has made it is soul duty to take Triple H to hell. I'm not intimidated by this fraud at all, but Triple H is an idiot himself, so deadman it is. Triple H is trying to stand his ground but Taker is just playing with his mind every time. Winner: Undertaker

12) Jack Swagger vs. RVD (Extreme Rules Steel Cage Match)

The first world championship match. A cahe match huh? Haven't seen one of those since Jimmy Snuka, another decaying old timer who won't bow out of the spotlight. RVD, Dreamer, Heyman and the rest of the clowns have been fighting for ECW.

Team Swagger just has that place under control and the cage match is perfect. Swagger can destroy RVD without worrying about some idiot running out with a flaming baseball bat. These guys can't do anything with weapons and you'll see another fraud exposed. Winner: Jack Swagger

13) Edge vs. Big Show (WWE Championship Match)

One man got here through circumstance, another through raw power. The Big Show has stated that Edge is a coward that only hides behind Vickie Guerrero and that he has no chance against the world's greatest athlete.

Edge wants to finally prove to the world that he is a man and he can win in clean fashion. He's told Vickie to stay away from the match. Edge wasn't done, he told Big Show that he'd get Floyd Mayweather to knockout Big Show.

The two were still bickering on SD! this week. I don't see Edge pulling this off without help, sorry buddy. Winner: Big Show

14) HBK vs. Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton vs. Christian Cage (Fatal Four Way for World Heavyweight Championship)

Betrayal, lust, disgust, these are some of the words that surround this feud. Orton is psychopathic hothead, Christian is an over hyped has been and HBK is—I'll stop there. The words I have for that man will have my mother pleading with me not to hurt him.

HBK will learn the toughest lesson of them all. Orton will continue to hear voices and Christian will continued to be over hyped, but HBK will see the lights fade. HBK, the music will stop playing, the band will perish as your career will.

Winner: NEW WWE CHAMPION Chris Jericho

Greg Bush's RAW was rewinded and can be seen here.

Jericho loosened his tie and sat in the chair. He opened his cooler and took out a bottle of wine. HBK comes into the set and the cops have their cuffs set.

"I was waiting for you. Hit me, hit me Shawn. What's the matter? I proved that Jannety is a sellout, disrespected Sensational Sherri, you brought back X-Pac..hit me. This is it Shawn, if your man, hit me. Your no badass, your no heart break kid, your a sellout".

"What are you kids thinking right now? "Daddy daddy, why are you scared? Your little girls will grow up to fear Y2J just like you do. Your wife, your lovely wife must be watching how your a coward".

Jericho slaps HBK, who face is filled with emotion. HBK stands there holding back with everything he has.

"In one day, I'll kick your teeth so far down your throat that you'll shit em' out. See you at Mania".

HBK is escorted out by the police as Jericho sips some wine and stares down at the ring in Reliant Stadium.