The Worst NBA Passion Projects Ever

Remember Shaquille O'Neal's Kazaam?

Me neither, actually.

The last time you watched it was probably in 1996, and if that's not the case, it should be. The same goes for Steel, which was released a year later. Yes, Shaq was a prolific actor, and we can only imagine he did it because he could get away with doing it.

His finest performance was as himself in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm—the show's star Larry David accidentally trips O'Neal at a Lakers game and predictably draws the ire of Angelinos.

Hilarity ensues.

But trouble ensues when basketball's best take a stroll outside their comfort zones. Actor Gary Oldman was right: Actors and athletes should call a truce and stay out of one another's affairs.

Of course, acting is only the tip of the iceberg. NBA stars have tried their hands at plenty of things that were left well enough alone. Here's a look at the very worst offenders of all time.

Stak5

If you're old enough to listen to some swear words and gangster rap, do yourself a favor and look up "Stephen Jackson" or "Stak5" on YouTube.

Proceed to kiss the next hour of your life away—and that's if you do have self-discipline.

You won't be able to take your eyes off everyone's favorite fan-puncher as he and his crew do their best to keep it dirty and southern. Full disclosure: I'm a huge Stephen Jackson fan. He can do no wrong in my book.

But, if he could do wrong, the rapping might be it (Jackson's lyrical ability isn't terrible actually, but the beats need serious work). Fortunately, it doesn't matter what I think, and Jack knows it.

He's always done his own thing, and the NBA is a better place for it.

The airwaves might not be though.

Thunderstruck

Kevin Durant is a brilliant scorer, an underrated all-around player and as fine a role model as you'll find in this league.

But actor?

I haven't even seen Thunderstruck just yet, and yes it's because I trust the 80 percent of critics who panned it more than the 71 percent of audiences who have liked it on Rotten Tomatoes. I'll see it eventually, and maybe I'll eat my words.

I hope KD proves me wrong, but something tells me this is one of those movies I'll watch right before bed precisely because it'll help soothe my insomnia in the worst possible way. In that respect, I suppose the three-time scoring champion is doing me a favor.

Tony Parker

Tony Parker's self-titled rap album was a self-inflicted injury.

It reminds us that the flying shrapnel he caught in the club was just a flesh wound, that people can suffer far worse fates—like utter embarrassment. Too bad Tony Parker can't sue himself. Someone needs to pay dearly for this.

I start watching this video, and I'm thinking, "Well, the production is a step up from Stak5." But then, just when I'm enjoying myself and sort of giggling as slow-motion Tony Parker walks around like he's all cool, he starts rapping.

Or saying things in French anyway. Whatever's happening, it's horrible.

So I start paying closer attention to the video, thinking, "Well, I have no idea what he's saying, so maybe I can at least appreciate the film's underlying narrative."

But what's happening on screen makes even less sense. In an appropriately postmodern hodgepodge of chaos, glow sticks, cheerleaders time-warped from a Marky Mark video and plenty of seductive ladies, Parker starts texting, and we see more of the same over and over.

I'm not sure I can recommend you watch the whole thing without feeling a little guilty, but you should fast-forward to the 2:50 mark and listen to Tony whisper-rap.

Trust me. It's epic.

MJ Playing Baseball

Remember when Michael Jordan retired from basketball in 1994 so that he could play minor league baseball?

That was strange. I mean, who are any of us to question what MJ does, but the whole "quitting your day job" thing just doesn't make as much sense when you're literally the best anyone has ever been at that day job.

No one would fault Jordan for being in Space Jam or selling undies or getting painfully infectious "Like Mike" songs stuck in our heads. Just don't stop playing basketball.

Anything but that.

Conspiracy theories suggest something might have been up, and you almost have to hope they're right. At least that would count as a reason to do something like this.

Dennis Rodman in Double Team

The saddest thing about Hark Tsui's cinematic masterpiece Double Team is that there's an argument to be made that Dennis Rodman isn't actually the worst actor on screen. He has Jean-Claude Van Damme to thank for that.

But the best thing about Hark Tsui's masterpiece is that the version condensed to just 10 minutes will make you laugh and cry and just feel really good about the fact that you'll never have to watch it again—no, really, it's that good.

It proves the best kind of comedy is never intentional.

Rodman was a source of endless entertainment in his day, but he really put his penchant for putting on a show to the test with this 1997 nightmare.

It's a miracle Hollywood didn't just pack its desk and quit making movies after it came out. Surely the movie-making brass felt guilty allowing innocent human beings to actually spend money for 93 minutes capable of inducing such fear and loathing.

If you missed this one, do yourself a favor—watch the the shortened version.