Notre Dame Versus Navy: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

College football is back and for the Irish faithful, hallelujah—no South Florida-esque debacle to start 2012.

For those of you that had your perfect morning blend of Irish coffee and Irish football, you witnessed a crushing win, no major injuries and lots of positives that went well beyond cementing international relations with the Emerald Isle to the point of possibly restoring world peace.

As for me, I survived the first weekend of college without launching the remote through the screen, kicking the dog even once or bailing mom out of jail; a trifecta I am proud of to be sure.

What was so good besides the morning Guinness?

THE GOOD

Notre Dame’s Offense Was Good

Yes, Navy’s defense was small, but what they lacked in bulk was made up for by inexperience and a general lack of team speed.

I don’t care.

Notre Dame's shiny new 2012 offense did whatever they wanted in running up 50 big ones and almost 500 yards, with only one turnover.

The Irish QB’s had several days to throw, used a short passing game efficiently and all of the running backs looked like they were in line for Heisman sleeper status.

And not one ball carrier or punt returner dropped the ball to answer his cell phone.

The reason?

Notre Dame’s offensive line manhandled the Navy front seven, often tossing Navy’s undersized defensive ends into the local fjords (I did not misspell that) with wanton disregard.

Luckily, it was Navy and not Air Force, so nobody drowned.

As a unit, the Irish displayed efficiency with splashes of talent that made the outmanned Navy defense look as outmanned as they were.

Thank you gentlemen.

Everett Golson Was Good

12-of-18 for a pedestrian 144 yards with one TD and one pick is not a challenge to Matt Barkley’s Heisman chances, but it was a damn fine looking 12-for-18 for 144 yards with one TD and one pick.

After watching the Irish QB’s dish out the ball to opposing secondaries like Halloween candy for the last two years, one pick is reason to appoint Golson as the second coming of Cam Newton.

Okay, maybe he’s a little shorter than Cam Newton, but he also doesn’t cheat on tests, steal laptops from the school or take bribes through relatives before dissing his university for slightly better pay.

And while this is one game against a below average and undersized secondary, Golson displayed the tools that we were all told he carried in his box.

If you’re counting, eight of his 18 passes were flat passes, bubble screens or swinging the ball out to a back, and Golson missed only one of those offensive staples.

While he did sail a swing pass into the tubas, he was efficient and timely in delivering the ball. More importantly, not once did he inadvertently throw a lateral or bounce a fastball off a guy’s helmet.

His downfield throws were generally medium range  but accurate with good touch and he hit his receivers hands all but once—the once being an interception deep in Navy territory on an underthrown ball to a covered receiver.

Okay, nobody said he was perfect, but he managed the offense without giving us ulcers, didn’t try to do too much and moved well in the pocket. His numbers would have looked better if tight end Ben Koyack could catch footballs that hit him in the hands with nobody near him, but now I’m getting picky.

While Golson moved the pocket when needed and showed no issues with throwing on the run, he was rarely pressed and for the most part wasn’t asked to run, so we’ll have to hold off judgment on his mobility and running game until we play somebody that can rush the passer or stop a running back once a series.

For a first game starter that wasn’t asked to do too much, Golson was good enough to show us he has skills, and in Kelly’s offense, the accuracy to keep the chains moving.

Good job E.G. Welcome to college football.

The Irish Defensive Front Was Good

Again, nobody was mistaking the Navy O-Line for Alabama’s, but the Midshipmen are fast and sneaky, but not fast and sneaky enough to overcome 50 pounds per man and some damn good athleticism.

The hallowed Navy ground game scratched together a paltry 149 yards, 39 of which were two fullback dives to end the game.

The Navy QB’s were harassed and sacked early and often, resulting in five fumbles (three recovered by ND) and an interception by Manti Te’o when he dropped into coverage and showed a nice pair of soft hands that will one day probably earn him big money on a violin if his NFL career doesn’t pan out.

You heard it here first.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that all 6’6”, 302 pounds of defensive end Stephon Tuitt went Usain Bolt with a Navy fumble for the first of what is likely to be a number of 77 yard scores for the big guy.

All in all, the Irish front ground up and spit out Navy’s inferior front at will, which was what they’re supposed to do and they did, so hats off to them.

THE BAD

Not Much

All in all, there wasn’t much bad.

The Irish only had one turnover compared to five in last season’s opener.  

With little pressure, a ball Golson should not have thrown, and even then should not have been thrown as poorly, was an easy pick—even for a secondary as limited as Navy’s back four.

Chalk that up to a freshman QB and move on, we’ll see a few more of those before Golson settles into big time college football.

Notre Dame only had four penalties for thirty yards, and none of them were of an insanely stupid or back-breaking variety.

Two extra points were missed on a shank and a fumble, but the Irish did make their only field goal and the extra point team did well after a halftime intervention session where Tony Robbins refocused them on their true inner-worth.

As far as bad goes, the Irish weren't bad.

The TV Crew Was Bad

Sideline, human interest and unkempt facial hair reporter David Faherty’s running stand-up Irish routine on all things in and around this game had its moments.

Granted, many were strained moments that left a cricket family as the only contributors, but a laugh or two was had and at least CBS had the balls to try and entertain us.

Gary Danielson was his generally informative and dry self, although he often displayed the snappy wit expected from a cardboard box that has become his main calling card.

The broadcast crew would have survived all that if not for the over-sized bag of spider webs and corn mush for brains that is Verne Lundquist.

No disrespect, but how long has Verne been dead?

I know Verne is older than several civil war generals, so the fact that he says things like “Stephon Tuitt is 300 or more yards” is something we’ve come to expect, but does that make it okay?

After listening to Verne mindlessly fumble his way through yet another broadcast, I’m pretty sure after the game if Verne was interviewed, it’s 50-50 on whether he’d know which sport he just announced.

Frankly CBS, we all know Verne did his best work before that new-fangled TV came along, and he’s done very little since except look kind and elderly in an old-fat-bald guy kind of way.

Sometimes a network has to just let go—think when Kate Winslow let Leonardo DiCaprio sink at the end of Titanic.

Not to be cruel, but it's time, and others must be saved.

CBS can give Verne a big lifetime award and a watch and call it a day, no one will blame them and Verne probably won’t even know he’s retired.

THE UGLY

The Secondary

Navy QB Trey Miller was 14-of-19 for 192 yards with one pick and one TD.

That’s the equivalent of having a regular college offense ringing you up for 750 yards and twelve touchdowns.

I’m not looking to criticize just so I can say something was ugly, but by comparison, Notre Dame's secondary made the smeared-face make-up of morning Snooki look fetching.

Navy receivers were wide open off the ball with a big cushion, corners routinely turned full circles on simple in-routes and safeties were late to the play only if the horrible angles they took got them there at all.

I am baffled how Diaco’s secondary has no idea how to run with a post, skinny post, crossing route, five yard out, button hook or slant without somehow managing to leave my TV screen in the process.

Keep in mind Navy’s receivers will likely be the least talented group Notre Dame will see all year, and their routes rarely exceed the complexity of a bad high school junior varsity squad.

On the bright side, it was the first game for two corners, and Navy’s scheme almost requires man to man on the outside, so backing off and taking whatever lumps were necessary in the passing game was more or less part of the game plan, but it was still butt-ugly.

In good news, I had mom laying off the beer and salsa in case she has to drop a few pounds to play safety so we can move Slaughter to corner. She was pretty pissed but with her bad hip and chronic bursitis she was wallowing in the three deep at DE anyway.

As for dropping the beer weight, switching back to whiskey is probably for the best—the hard stuff does give her that edge that Alan Pinkett was talking about.

If there is any concern coming out of what was otherwise a solid performance, the DB’s have nothing to be proud of, and it is clear Diaco has a lot of work to do just to stop Purdue, much less the Oklahoma’s and USC’s of the world.

SUMMARY

I for one enjoyed the opener, as the turnovers were few and far between, the penalties were unnoticeable and the special teams weren’t remotely terrible—showing true progress from last year’s first week debacle.

To make matters better, I've discovered that Guinness and Irish coffee are a hearty complement to any football breakfast.

Although the Navy defense is no real measure of success, the Irish O-Line and running backs kicked ass, and the receivers other than a couple first game oopsies and one lazy pattern ran good routes and caught the ball the way they should.

Golson had a fine debut that shows some good potential to have a fine second game.

Notre Dame’s front seven was fast and physical, and was not bothered by the speed and athleticism of Navy’s undersized offensive linemen. The Irish did not get beat to the corner as in many prior years.

While the new secondary had issues, they are a work in progress that will hit the film room and hopefully grow from the experience. Where there is speed, there is hope.

As for me, welcome back Notre Dame football, you did well.

I’ve missed you.