NBA Free Agents 2012: One Sales Pitch for Every One of the Top 15 Free Agents

NBA free agency looks to be a huge factor for the coming season, and with players set to be flying around left and right, it's entirely possible that the 2013 title is swung because of a key free-agent signing.

However, we've still got an NBA draft to go through and plenty of rumors and sly talk before anybody goes anywhere for sure.

There are players out there who would be wise to stay with their current teams, but there are others who need to flee town as soon as possible if they know what's good for them.

The free-agent class this year is loaded up at the top with a few really good players followed by some good veterans who still have enough in the tank for one last run at a title.

So, in preparation for the free-agency period to come, let's not only take a look at the top free agents in the class, but let's throw together a sales pitch from the team that most desperately needs to sign that player.

15. Jeremy Lin from the Toronto Raptors' Bryan Colangelo

Jeremy, Jeremy, sit down, please. Great to have you here; it's Linsane to see you. I bet you're not tired of that one yet, right?

Let's get right down to it here, Jeremy, there's nothing we dislike about you, young fellow. You fit our team perfectly.

We've had Jose Calderon play point guard for us for a few years now and, quite frankly, we need a new direction, and that direction is Jeremy Lin.

Not only do you have the game we need to pull this team together into a title contender, but you've got the international flavor that the rest of the team has. Yessir, with players from every corner of the world, Toronto is going to be the most popular team before you know it, and you can be a part of it all.

We'll give you the money you deserve; we should be able to wrestle you away from the Knicks.

14. Ryan Anderson from Orlando Magic's Rob Hennigan

Hey! There he is, the star of the show, Mr. Ryan Anderson. Come on in and sit down, my man.

I won't pull any punches here, Ryan, we're in a pretty interesting position here. We retained Dwight for the year, but we're going to trade him—that's a foregone conclusion at this point—and that means we need to make sure to lock you in for the long haul.

We love what you did for us last year, Ryan, and we want you to keep doing it, so we're going to let you know now that you can go out and talk to other teams, but just know we're prepared to match any offer short of a max contract.

13. Chris Kaman from Oklahoma City Thunder's Sam Presti

Chris, come on in, sit on down; let's do some talking.

Did you happen to watch any of the playoffs? Serge and Perk were great for us until we needed someone to shoot the ball over Chris Bosh. You know what? That someone could be you.

Hell, we need it to be you.

Here's the deal, though. We can't offer you a multi-year deal. We've got to give James and Serge their money after next season to keep this team together, but I can tell you we'll look to extend you if at all possible at the end of the season.

Did I mention all the great hunting you could do just outside the city?

12. Ray Allen from Oklahoma City Thunder's Sam Presti

Ray! How are you? Look, I just got done talking with Chris Kaman, and we think we've got him in the bag. He's going to be a big part of getting us over the hump that we couldn't get over last year, and so are you.

Look, we've got a bunch of money to spend this season, but we can't really spend any of it into next season, so we're willing to offer you the mid-level exception for the year—that's got to be as much as anyone else is going to give you, plus you get the chance to win a title.

Oh, did I mention you can stick it to Kobe Bryant four times a year out here, instead of just twice like you did in Boston?

I'll get a pen.

11. O.J. Mayo from Cleveland Cavaliers' Chris Grant

O.J., what's going on, bud? Please, come in, sit down.

Here's the deal, we think we've got ourselves a hell of a team right here, and we're ready to roll the dice and make a big move. That move is you.

We've had our eyes on you for a little while now and nearly traded for you a time or two. We just weren't ready to make that move yet, but now we can say we're ready.

Here's the deal: We want to make an offer to you that Memphis doesn't want to match, and then we want you to come in and start at shooting guard for us.

Whaddaya think, O.J.?

10. Jason Terry from Boston Celtics' Danny Ainge

Jason, how's it going? Want to win another ring? Haaaaa, just kidding man, but seriously, that's what we're going for right now.

Here's what we can do for you right now while Dallas is out trying to sign Deron Williams and completely overlooking how valuable you are. We've got money to spend, and it's burning a hole in everyone's pockets. We want to give some of it to you.

What we can do here is give you the three-year deal you're looking for with our mid-level exception. Think it over, realize that Mark Cuban is completely ignoring you and tell us what you think after Deron re-signs with Brooklyn and Cuban comes slithering back to you.

9. Gerald Wallace from Brooklyn Nets' Billy King

Hey there Gerald. I know you went and opted out and everything, but we really need you this season, and we'll give you that multi-year deal you're looking for.

Now, before you say anything, let me just put it out there that we're probably not going to be winning a title in the next four years or so, let alone competing for one, but is that really that important to you?

It is? Well forget everything I just said.

Did I mention Dwight Howard still kind of wants to play here? Yep, best big man in the league is gonna come here to Brooklyn. Now, I don't actually have a deal on the table for him, but surely I can work something out, you know?

You're still gonna look at other teams? Well, okay, give me a call if you change your mind; we need you here. Seriously! We need anybody!

8. Andre Miller from Los Angeles Lakers' Jim Buss and Mitch Kupchak

Mitch and Jim in unison: Andre! How are you!

Jim: You need anything? Water, a beer, some skittles? I think Lamar left some lying around here somewhere...

Mitch: What we called you here about is pretty obvious, right? We want you to play for us. You can run an offense, something our head coach can't d—

Jim: Let me stop you there, Mitch. What he's saying is there isn't another point guard in the league who might sign for as cheap as you to get a r—

Mitch: What Jim is saying is we need you, Andre. We need a real point guard and someone else who can score. What can we offer? Well...that's not really that important, is it? It is? Well, Andre, we're poised to offer you our full mid-level exception. Actually, that's not the $5 million a year, it's only $3.2 million. You see, we're a bit over the salary cap...

Jim: Where are you going, Andre? C'mon man, come back!

7. Nicolas Batum from the Brooklyn Nets' Billy King

Nic, come on in, sit down. Your knees haven't fallen out of your body from being in Portland yet, have they? Ahhhh, I kid, I kid.

But seriously, you gotta get out of there before they butcher you—you know that, right? Haaaaa, just kidding, bud...but seriously. Run away while you can still run.

Anyway, the fellas and I back in Brooklyn were talking about who we're going to sign and, well, we've got all this money that's not doing anything—lord knows Deron ain't coming back.

Did I just say that out loud? That was a joke, man. Of course Deron's coming back, we're just hammering out the details on his contract; it'll be fine.

We want you, Nic. That's it all out on the table for you—name a price you think we can get you away from Portland for and we'll pay it. We just need somebody to play for this team before I get fired. Shoot, I mean...before the season starts.

6. Roy Hibbert from the Boston Celtics' Danny Ainge

Roy, how ya doin' this morning? Listen, I don't want to waste your time, I've got a lot of dumb trade angles to work out over the next few hours this morning and then a lunch with Tommy Heinsohn—lord knows how he likes to go on and on about what he thinks I should do with the team. The dude called Ryan Hollins the next Dave Cowens after he saw him lying down on a park bench.

Anyway, what we've got going on in Boston is a pretty sweet situation. We're poised to pair you up with Rondo and Paul so we can make a run at a title now. How's that sound to you?

Sure we've got the means to offer you a max deal, but that's going to eat up a lot of the cap space we were looking to use to bring Kevin back, too.

Still want a max deal? Sure, what the hell? Let's see if we can't tear you away from the Pacers.

5. Tim Duncan from the San Antonio Spurs' R.C. Buford

Hey there, Tim, we've got your contract all drawn up. You wanna go ahead and sign that now so we can get going again for next year?

We've gone ahead and given you a three-year contract worth $10 million a year so we can make another few runs at a title. That seems fair, right?

Cool, thanks Tim, see you in training camp. 

4. Kevin Garnett from the Boston Celtics' Danny Ainge

Look Kevin, they're all out there saying that the Celtics are done, and there's no reason for them to stick together, but I know how much you're all about team and that, right?

Yea, I know I traded away your bodyguard a few years ago, but it was all for the team even if it didn't all work out.

Whoa now big fella—all I'm saying is we needed a wing scorer. Look, I've defended that move a thousand times already, we made it to the conference finals last season didn't we?

Here's the deal, we're set to offer you $10 million a year for two seasons which is going to give us plenty of cap space to go after some other good free agents. Who knows, maybe I'll find you a big fella to fill the paint?

3. Eric Gordon from the New Orleans Hornets' Dell Demps

Hey there Eric, sorry it took me so long to see you; David Stern just let me out of my cage for the first time since that Chris Paul trade back in December. You didn't happen to see who won the draft lottery, did you?

You're kidding me! We're going to get Anthony Davis?! There's no way you'll want to leave now, r-right?

Okay Eric, here's the deal. Somebody out there is going to offer you a huge chunk of money—maybe a maximum contract, who knows—but we're going to match pretty much anything anyone decides to offer you, so you might as well settle back in at home my man.

Yeah, I'll talk to him about the unibrow—just try to ignore it. The dude can ball.

2. Steve Nash from the Indiana Pacers' Larry Bird

Listen Steve, David Morway and I aren't really on the best of terms right now, so I figured I'd come out and have a chat with you myself.

Here's the deal: We just had the third-best record in the Eastern Conference this year without a real point guard. Sure, Darren and George are great, but they're nothing compared to you.

Hell, I could come into a game and pick up five assists with this roster, and I'm 55 years old and have got a worse back than you.

We think what we've got here is something really special, but with you we're a championship team. Plus, if you come in and start at guard for us, nobody's gonna accuse you of being a ring chaser; you're just going to the best team that can pay you what you're worth.

Oh yeah, did I mention all this cap space we've got? We need to give Roy his contract first, and we'll probably go ahead and match whatever some idiot out there throws at George, but the rest is yours. We need you here, Steve.

1. Deron Williams from the Brooklyn Nets' Jay-Z

Yo Deron, what's up. Mikhail was gonna come up here and talk to you himself, but the rest of us co-owners kind of talked him out of that. He's still up in a rage about that Putin thing back in Russia or something.

Anyway, what we got going on up here in Brooklyn is pretty sweet. Sure, we've got no idea if we can get any other big free agents to come up this way—we don't know what we're trading for if we can get you to stay—but we're going to shoot for the moon, bro.

We made a call to Orlando again for Dwight, and they're starting to come around. Let's just do this, Deron; there isn't another team that needs you more and there isn't a cooler city in the world to play in.

Seriously dude, you're going to answer a call from Mark Cuban while I'm talking to you? That's cold, man.

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