New York Yankees swollen statistics compiler and postseason disgrace Alex Rodriguez admitted Monday afternoon that he tested positive for performance enhancing drugs six years ago when he played for the Texas Rangers.
"When I arrived in Texas in 2001, I felt an enormous amount of pressure. I needed to perform and perform at a high level every day," quivered Rodriguez, 33, like the clown pocket he is to ESPN's Peter Gammons in an interview in Miami Beach, Fla.
"Back then, (baseball) was a different culture. It was very loose. I was young, I was stupid, and I was naïve. I wanted to prove to everyone I was worth being one of the greatest players of all time. I did take a banned substance. For that, I'm very sorry and deeply regretful."
Madonna's bitch publicly admitted he stuck needles in his ass 48 hours after Sports Illustrated reported last Saturday that the despicable philanderer was on a list of 104 players who tested positive for substances in 2003. In 2003, there were no penalties for a positive result because Major League Baseball was simply conducting a survey to discover if mandatory, random drug-testing was needed in the sport.
According to a source with knowledge of the three-time American League MVP's test results, "A-Fraud" was fingered for utilizing testosterone and Primobolan, an anabolic steroid. For anyone not possessing a 24th chromosome, A-R*id cheating is not major news; it is the equivalent of learning that water is wet.
A-Postseason-Out, who has recorded less RBI (1) in the playoffs since game four of the ALCS than Red Sox pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka has (2), was a skinny kid with a physique that resembled Paul Pfeiffer's when he made his rookie debut with the Seattle Mariner's in 1994.
Granted, the purple-lipped pariah was only an 18-year-old cheeky bastard when he started at shortstop in "Rain City" for the first time and one's body can certainly be dramatically and naturally altered in a span of 15 years.
Nevertheless, it was still a foregone conclusion from my vantage that Rodriguez juiced prior to Saturday's official unmasking of the lying weasel.
Below is an excerpt from a column I wrote in December of 2007 immediately after former U.S. Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell released his incomplete and dishonorable report into the usage of steroids in baseball:
"In lieu of A-Rod's conspicuous omission, I wonder if Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig didn't politely ask Mr. Mitchell to keep his paws off the heir apparent to his sports all-time home-run crown. Rodriguez, who has 518 round-trippers at 32 years of age, will likely surpass Barry Bonds, the face of steroids, and his 762 lifetime dingers somewhere in the vicinity of the year 2012. Selig needs a dirty Rodriguez as much as he needs a case of herpes and I am confident that he'll go to great lengths to keep A-Rod's drug results cleaner than Danny Tanner's kitchen floor."
It is imperative that the public realizes that Rodriguez's confession was a coerced and desperate public relations maneuver and it was not the enlightening cleansing that the frost-tipped slugger claimed in his interview with Gammons.
If the native of Miami could have gotten away with scamming the game of baseball, he would have and nary a confession would have emerged from the prince of deceptions mouth.
The 12-time All-Star selection and all-time phony had an opportunity to disclose his sins in a 2007 interview with Katie Couric on 60 Minutes. Instead of telling Couric and the viewing audience the truth, he simply lied and said "No" when asked if he ever used steroids, HGH or any other PEDs.
A-Fraud continued, "I've never felt overmatched on the baseball field. I've always been in a very strong, dominant position."
Rodriguez was in a "strong, dominant position" because he is a con artist who happens to be one of the most talented players to ever step onto a baseball diamond.
But the true con artists in this scandal, more so than "the Cooler" or any of the other recently named muscle-bound sideshows in cleats, are the Director of the Red Sox, George Mitchell, and the suits that put Mitchell in charge of a major drug investigation when it is evident that his allegiance to the Red Sox creates a conflict of interest.
Mitchell's petty "investigation" concentrated primarily on disclosures made by former New York Yankees strength coach, Brian McNamee, and New York Mets batboy and clubhouse worker of yesteryear, Kirk Radomski.
It was unethical, irresponsible and negligent for Mitchell to focus the bulk of his energy and resources on the words of two informants when the league has positive test results that document that drug use was (is?) rampant in baseball and not just a Big Apple epidemic.
Rodriguez would have been nabbed as a charlatan in excess of a year ago had Mitchell conducted an unbiased probe that didn't virtually start and end on 161st Street and River Avenue in the Bronx.
Coincidences are as believable as politicians and it is pathetically comedic that Mitchell assumed the masses would accept that not one single player of note on the team he is employed by, the Boston Red Sox, was juicing when the majority of athletes in baseball took some concoction of performance enhancing drugs during the "Steroid Era".
America's pastime has been infested with syringes and synthetic testosterone since at least the early-90's and Mitchell, this feeble Waylon Smithers clone, orchestrated a purposeful and malevolent witch hunt against his teams' fiercest rivals.
When a reporter questioned why Rodriguez lied to Couric during his interview, A-Hole whimpered, "At the time, I wasn't being truthful with myself. How could I be truthful with Katie Couric or CBS?"
If Mitchell had conducted a "truthful" investigation from the outset into the usage of steroids in the sport of baseball, Rodriguez would have been pried into honesty a long time ago.
Rodriguez's forced admission of guilt was postponed because both McNamee and Radomski were far away from the Lone Star State and Mitchell didn't bother exiting New York to administer a thorough examination.