2012 NBA Mock Draft: Making a Mockery of All Mock Drafts

The 2012 NBA Draft Lottery is finally over and the draft order for next month is set, which means mock drafts are going to be hitting the internet by the bucketloads.

Overall, Anthony Davis is going first to the New Orleans Hornets, but from then on out the entire draft is a crapshoot, making mock drafts just reasons for argument over anything else.

Sure, they are fun to write and they are fun to read, argue over and speculate about, but at the end of the day they do not really mean much at all.

So, in my attempt to enjoy the mock drafts as much as possible, I have decided to scour the Internet, find a good compilation of who is being mocked to what team, and make a mockery of them all.

That's right, I'm going to tell you why every single draft prospect should not go to the team that they are being doled out to on the Internet.

1. New Orleans Hornets: Anthony Davis, Kentucky

Anthony Davis will be a good player, but I have got another beef with the big man.

Does everybody remember, or at least know about when Rollie Fingers grew out his handlebar mustache with the A's? He grew out the 'stache to get a bonus from A's Owner Charlie Finley and just about everyone on the team followed suit.

My concern is that once Davis starts dominating, everybody else on the team is going to want to grow out their own unibrow, then it will become a city-wide sensation with unibrows bobbing about New Orleans as far as the eye can see.

Is that really a trend that the new owners of the Hornets want to be responsible for? I think not.

2. Charlotte Bobcats: Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, Kentucky

Everyone who talks about Michael Kidd-Gilchrist always mentions the fact that he is one of the hardest working kids in years.

However, I'm here to say that maybe, just maybe MKG is working too hard.

What is he getting at trying to out-do everybody else? What is he trying to cover up and who is he trying to impress here?

If you ask me, when he gets to the Bobcats and starts all this endless practicing and weightlifting he is going to bother a lot of people showing off with his constant one-upsmanship.

This is basically MKG in a nutshell.

3. Washington Wizards: Thomas Robinson, Kansas

There was one thing I noticed about Thomas Robinson as the clock ran down and the season ended for Kansas in the national championship game. He cried.

Now, I'm not one to get on another man for crying, sports can be damn emotional, and a big loss like that can tear a man apart.

All I'm saying is that the most famous basketball crier, Adam Morrison, was not exactly a huge hit in the NBA.

4. Cleveland Cavaliers: Bradley Beal, Florida

The fun comparison these days for Bradley Beal is throwing the name Ray Allen around. Well, he very well may be comparable to Ray Allen, but that does not look like a good thing right about now.

Just look at Allen's numbers in the playoffs this year. A guy who is supposed to be a great shooter is shooting under 40 percent, under 30 percent for three and just 60 percent from the line, averaging just 9.6 points in the meantime.

5. Sacramento Kings: Andre Drummond, Connecticut

Haven't you heard the news? Andre Drummond is one of the riskiest players in this draft.

The big man averaged just 10 points and eight rebounds in his lone year at Connecticut and there have been talks about him being a relatively lazy worker even as far back as high school.

The Kings should not take him fifth overall, he should not even get drafted in the lottery. In fact, can we just have all teams come out and decide that there is no reason to draft him at all. He is a bust, we know that already, there is no reason to give him NBA playing time to figure that out.

Let's all just move on before we waste everyone's time.

6. Portland Trail Blazers: Perry Jones III, Baylor

The Portland Trail Blazers seem to need some size in their lineup, but you know what, I think exactly the opposite is true.

What Portland needs to do, what with their track record with big men, is go small, and I'm talking super small.

My plan for the future of the Blazers if for them to trade LaMarcus Aldridge for a few impact guards and maybe one forward at 6'6" or 6'7". Finally, they need to get Chuck Hayes to play center for them, that way they do not have to worry about big men breaking down anymore.

7. Golden State Warriors: Harrison Barnes, North Carolina

Harrison Barnes was the top high school prospect back in 2010 (although he was rated second overall by Rivals.com).

The following year, after he completed his freshman year at North Carolina he looked to be slated to be the top pick in a very weak draft. He instead elected to stay in school instead of going into the draft. Now we sit here with Barnes looking like a mid-lottery pick.

Basically what Harrison Barnes is experiencing is exponential decay, kind of like radioactive carbon decaying year after year in a fossil.

By this time next year he will be down to the level of Nic Batum. Two years from now he will be right around Alonzo Gee-level. Three years from now he will be Joey Graham. Four years from now he will spend a short time as Jawad Williams before he falls out of the league.

8. Toronto Raptors: Jeremy Lamb, Connecticut

There is a lot of confusion between the two Lambs in this year's draft. They are different players, but the fact that they are playing the same position and have the same last name is a little bit weird.

If I were the Raptors, I would be afraid that I would accidentally write down "Doron Lamb" when I meant to write "Jeremy Lamb" when picking who to draft, ending up with a guy who should have gone early in the first round.

So, to avoid this extremely likely scenario, I would just avoid picking a Lamb altogether.

9. Detroit Pistons: Jared Sullinger, Ohio State

Harrison Barnes and Jared Sullinger are basically suffering from the same kind of exponential decay that's going to derail their career faster than anyone could imagine.

Sullinger was a McDonald's All-American in 2010, along with garnering an invite to the Nike Hoops Summit, before he looked to be a lock for a top-two choice in the 2011 NBA Draft. He went back to Ohio State and looked to be a Player of the Year candidate.

However, he struggled throughout the year and never really got into POY form and now he is looking at a mid-lottery pick.

At this rate he will be Hamady N'Diaye or Tiny Gallon in four years.

10. New Orleans Hornets (via Minnesota Timberwolves): John Henson, North Carolina

What two teams have had possibly the worst luck in the past decade with drafts? If you said the Los Angeles Clippers and the Minnesota Timberwolves, then you are thinking in-step with me and you should worry.

Anyway, this pick owned by the Hornets was originally owned by the Timberwolves, already tainting it with bad luck, only they traded it to the Los Angeles Clippers, leaving it absolutely dripping with bad luck.

This pick might as well be a puddle of nuclear waste sitting in the middle of New Orleans' gym. Whoever they take with this pick will probably end up getting ahold of some bath salts the dude from Miami had and bite off Anthony Davis' face.

They should just pass on picking right here.

11. Portland Trail Blazers: Damian Lillard, Weber State

Weber State is not exactly a powerhouse when it comes to basketball, so what makes you think that's going to change with the likes of Damian Lillard.

The only guys to register more than 100 games in the NBA or ABA while hoisting a Weber State degree over their heads were William Sojourner, who played four years in the ABA with the nickname "Rainbow Sojourner" and Eddie Gill, who managed to wriggle seven years out of 187 games.

Do you really want the next "Rainbow" Sojourner or Eddie "The Thrill" Gill?

12. Milwaukee Bucks: Terrence Jones, Kentucky

The Kentucky Wildcats were a great college team this year, so good that the question for a while was whether or not they could beat the Charlotte Bobcats. Everyone said, "Well, maybe," before they realized how ridiculous that question was and scoffed it off.

So, with that I ask you this question; do you really want the third-best player on a college team?

You know who the third-best player on 2010's Duke team was? Nolan Smith. How about 2009's North Carolina team? Wayne Ellington. Smith played in just 44 games this year and Ellington is dreadful for Minnesota.

13. Phoenix Suns: Kendall Marshall, North Carolina

Let's face it, Kendall Marshall is a smart basketball player, so smart that he will probably end up being a coach one day.

However, most coaches spend their days in the NBA as backup point guards peaking with mediocre numbers on decent teams.

Why don't we just skip all that and have somebody hire Marshall as an assistant coach and get him fast-tracked to being a head coach.

14. Houston Rockets: Tyler Zeller, North Carolina

I'm all for diversity in sports, but Houston already has Luis Scola, Goran Dragic, Chase Budinger and Chandler Parsons.

At some point you have to say enough is enough and stop drafting white guys.

Seriously, when was the last time a team with five white dudes who played serious minutes won a title? Even beyond that, when was the last time a team ended up with three white guys in four years out of the draft?

15. Philadelphia 76ers: Meyers Leonard, Illinois

Michael Jordan. Ray Allen. Dwyane Wade. Brandon Roy. Kevin Martin. The list goes on and on of players who have achieved greatness, or even goodness with two first names.

Heck, there have even been a handful of players in the league with one first name and one last name, but a player with two last names?

I'm sorry, but I cannot see any way a guy like Meyers Leonard can expect to be a good basketball player when he has got two last names.

16. Houston Rockets (via New York Knicks): Terrence Ross, Washington

The Houston Rockets think they made a great move when they traded Tracy McGrady back in 2010, getting the Knicks draft pick in return.

However, it was a terrible idea. When David Stern goes to the dais to announce the pick the Rockets make in place of the Knicks, New York fans are going to boo like they have never booed before.

What are those boos going to do to the fragile psyche of whomever they may end up drafting, derailing his career and tearing him apart in the process. Trade this pick, no doubt.

17. Dallas Mavericks: Austin Rivers, Duke

Austin Rivers has been compared to a lot of players over the last handful of weeks, but when it all comes down to it he is basically a young Jason Terry. He is a streaky scorer, he is very confident in his ability and he can hit some huge shots.

However, why on Earth would the Mavericks want to pay two guys to do one job? They already do that with Ian Mahinmi and Brendan Haywood, so why would they do it with Terry and Rivers.

18. Minnesota Timberwolves (via Utah Jazz): Quincy Miller, Baylor

In recent years the Minnesota Timberwolves have gone after Michael Beasley, Wayne Ellington, Derrick Williams, Wes Johnson, and Martell Webster to be their guy to score from the wing as a shooter and a slasher.

Now you want to go after Miller, a wing scorer, in yet another draft. Next you are going to tell me they are going to draft another point guard.

19. Orlando Magic: Dion Waiters, Syracuse

This is another draft pick that the team who owns it should just give away for a few bucks or pass on altogether, which makes it the third pick that should be passed on in this draft overall.

Why, you might ask, should the Magic pass on this pick? 

Well you inquisitive bunch of readers, the best thing the Magic can do, with Dwight Howard inevitably going to be traded away, is to trade Howard for about 14 draft picks and tank next season. With the worst record in the league they will have the best shot at winning the lottery next year and starting over as quickly as possible.

20. Denver Nuggets: Marquis Teague, Kentucky

The Denver Nuggets is a team of strange characters. Kenneth Faried has that bundle of flowing dreads, Ty Lawson is the quickest guy in the league, Timofey Mozgov is the closest thing we have had to Shawn Bradley since Shawn Bradley, Chris Anderson is Chris Anderson and JaVale McGee is a walking, talking meme.

The problem I have with Marquis Teague is simply the fact that he is too darn normal. There is no way he would fit in with this bunch of misfits.

21. Boston Celtics: Moe Harkless, St. John's

Many people were shocked to find out that Moe Harkless was coming out of college for the draft this year, but I think my mind is on the other end of the spectrum.

In fact, I think it was a cliche that Harkess came out after his freshman year when he looked like he should have stuck around for another year.

Harkless should have come out even earlier, and I'm thinking something like after his freshman year in high school, coming out after your freshman year in college is just so played out.

22. Boston Celtics: Arnett Moultrie, Mississippi St.

Arnett Moultrie was born in 1990, meaning this was his fourth year out of high school even though he was a junior at Mississippi State, having transfered from UTEP.

Now this confuses me, especially in the day and age we live in when most of the players in the draft are exiting freshmen, or at the very latest, sophomores.

What about Moultrie kept him out of the draft after his first, or even his second year at UTEP? I just do not trust that.

23. Atlanta Hawks: Tony Wroten, Washington

Tony Wroten looks to be the second first-rounder taken from Washington in this draft, as Terrence Ross looks like a borderline lottery pick.

However, with that I have a question. When was the last time you remember a Pac-10 team pump out multiple effective first-round picks?

Wait, what do you mean DeMar DeRozan and Taj Gibson came from USC in 2009. And Jrue Holiday and Darren Collison both came from UCLA in '09 too? Crap.

Well, when was the last time two of them came from Washington, eh? Hah, got you there.

24. Cleveland Cavaliers (via Los Angeles Lakers): Evan Fournier, International

Everybody and their momma has been calling Evan Fournier a French version of Manu Ginobili, so obviously he should be worth something, right?

Well, maybe, but not this early in the draft. After all, Ginobili was selected 57th overall by the Spurs back in 1999, so the Cavs taking him a full 34 picks earlier would be crazy talk.

Heck, if you wanted to compare him to the Frenchman on the Spurs, Tony Parker, then you have still got four picks to go before it makes sense to draft him, as he was taken 28th overall in 2001.

I have, however, figured out how and where to draft him. We will take Ginobili's 57th overall and Parker's 28th overall and average them, which would mean he should be taken 42.5th overall. Whoever has that pick, take Fournier. Trust me.

25. Memphis Grizzlies: Royce White, Iowa State

Did you guys know that Royce White is afraid of flying? Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "So what, a lot of people are afraid of flying." You don't understand, White is really afraid of flying.

According to Scott Howard-Cooper over at NBA.Com, he is basically the John Madden of basketball, without the squishy, lovable aspect:

"

"There's guys that have been in the draft before where there have been concerns they didn't like to fly, but Royce is very unique," one general manager said. "It's going to be something that a team taking him on is going to have to have something in place, whether it's a staff member or a plan in place to help him accommodate some of his fears with the travel aspect because that's such a huge part of an NBA season. It's going to have to take a team getting creative and putting some resources in place to help him get past some of the issues with the travel."

"

Do you really want to put that much effort in just getting a guy to travel from one place to another? I don't think so.

26. Indiana Pacers: Jeffery Taylor, Vanderbilt

Fun fact about Jeffrey Taylor; he is Swedish. Fun fact about Swedes; they do not pump out very many great basketball players.

In fact, save Jonas Jerebko and Maciej Lampe, there are not any real Swedish NBA players to note, and it does not seem likely that will change any time soon.

Do you really want to bet that this guy is the best basketball player in the history of an entire country?

27. Miami Heat: John Jenkins, Vanderbilt

John Jenkins is widely believed to be one of the best three-point shooters in the draft this year, coming out after shooting 44 percent from deep last season.

However, I'm here to tell you that that's still not good enough. After all, last year Jon Diebler got drafted in the second round by the Blazers last year, and despite shooting over 50 percent in his senior year at Ohio State, he spent the year playing ball in Greece.

28. Oklahoma City Thunder: Fab Melo, Syracuse

The big story early on in the NCAA Tournament was that Fab Melo was deemed ineligible for the remainder of the season for Syracuse. Apparently, the deal here is that he did not do some of his own schoolwork, which apparently is a no-no in the NCAA.

I can extract one of two things here; either he was not a very important player to Syracuse or the guys running the team just did not like him. Let me expand on that.

How often do we hear about things getting covered up in the NCAA? Like every day, right? If it is something the schools do as often as kissing the fanny of a rich white guy for money, why couldn't they cover up a little schoolwork issue for Melo? Hell, someone got a person to take Derrick Rose's SAT for him just to get him into school, so it cannot be that hard to cover up what went wrong with Melo.

From that, I glean that either Melo was not that important to the team or they just do not like him that much. 

29. Chicago Bulls: Doron Lamb, Kentucky

Doron Lamb is a winner. He went to Oak Hill, was named a McDonald's and Michael Jordan Brand All-American, he played ball for Kentucky and won a title this year with the team.

So, you may ask, what's not to like? 

Well, this kid going to the Bulls would be like a son of a billionaire getting average grades through college and then being named as a vice president of his father's company.

This dude needs some basketball hardship in his life. He has gotta lose some games to appreciate winning them, otherwise he will never reach his full potential.

30. Golden State Warriors (via San Antonio Spurs): Draymond Green, Michigan

Actually, I think the Warriors should get Draymond Green with the 30th pick, only they should not be the team to decide on drafting him.

What they need to do is give San Antonio a couple bucks, trade the pick back with them and let them select Green, at which point they should trade back again to end up with Green.

Why should they do this you may ask?

Let me answer your question with another question. Who would you trust more picking a player later in the draft, the San Antonio Spurs or the Golden State Warriors?

I think I have made my point.

If you are one of those twitterers, you can follow me @JDorsey33.