UFC 146: A Fan's Guide to Fight Night

Maybe you heard something about it. Maybe you read somewhere that when UFC 146 goes down this Saturday, the main card is going to be ALL HEAVYWEIGHTS?!!?  

If you follow MMA like I follow MMA (that is, half-assed on the Internet) you may have read a story or 17 million about that. But see, that's the problem with these MMA journalists. With their "news" and "information" and "access." They're all a bunch of yellow-bellied sap lickers. They only tell you what they want you to know, bro. They're all suckin' the teat!

What was I trying to say here? Right, so when it all goes down out there at the MGM Grand Garden Arena out there in that little desert town called Las Vegas, Nevada, what are the answers to the questions you really need to know?

Which fights do the "insiders" really want to watch, and which ones are they OK with following via the piped-in audio in the MGM bathroom? Which ones induce goose prickles, and which ones induce yawns?  

This is the full card ranked from most boring to most exciting, along with info on how to watch. Easy-to-digest information capsules also included, as are fight and bonus predictions whenever I felt like providing them. This is your guide to fight night. 

12. Diego Brandao vs. Darren Elkins

Featherweight bout
See it on: FX

Brandao burned a trail of destruction through the TUF 14 season.

Elkins beat Tiequan Zhang in his last outing in a thoroughly unexciting event. I don't know...I think I'm going to be at a restaurant during this one. I might skim it later on the DVR to see the knockout before going on to the next fight. 

11. Jason Miller vs. C.B. Dollaway

Middleweight bout
See it on: FX

Having lost their last three fights combined, these guys—one a finalist on The Ultimate Fighter, the other a charismatic recent TUF coach—probably want to show they're equal to their respective levels of hype.

Miller is the bigger name and probably the favorite here. But...what's that I hear in the distance? Are those...are those upset alarms? Indeed they are.

I think the bigger, stronger Dollaway might be able to maul out Mayhem. Good for him. I'll be in the can.  

10. Jacob Volkmann vs. Paul Sass

Lightweight bout
See it on: Facebook

Another triumph for UFC matchmaker Joe Silva. Either accomplished grappler Volkmann exposes the Sassangle (the modified choke Sass has used to garner eight of the wins on his spotless 12-0 record) for a sideshow attraction, or carnival barker Volkmann gets the wind choked out of that big larynx of his.

There is no downside here. Someone's getting a comeuppance. 

9. Roy Nelson vs. Dave Herman

Heavyweight bout
See it on: Pay-per-view

Roy Nelson needs to stop the bleeding. If the likable heavyweight can't defeat late injury replacement and fellow weirdo Dave Herman (and I suppose that's entirely possible), it would be four losses in five fights for "Big Country." Against stiff competition, granted, but that's still a tough one.

If I were Roy, I'd go back to my jiu-jitsu for this one.

8. Kyle Kingsbury vs. Glover Teixeira

Light heavyweight bout
See it on: Facebook

Stoked to see the 17-2 Teixeira finally make his Octagon debut. But Joe Silva has done it again. Kingsbury is a popular and formidable veteran with the chops to stand up to the newcomer.

Glover's inaugural UFC fight is winnable. But not without a fight. 

7. Stefan Struve vs. Lavar Johnson

Heavyweight bout
See it on: Pay-per-view

First bout on the main card. Did you know the main card is all heavyweights? Johnson, fighting for the second time in May, has a lot of momentum coming in as a replacement for Mark Hunt.

Struve has strung together (say that five times fast) two very good performances—second-round submission and TKO wins over Pat Barry and Dave Herman, respectively—and probably feels like he has a little momentum of his own.

This is a really good way to start a pay-per-view.  

6. Mike Brown vs. Daniel Pineda

Featherweight bout
See it on: Facebook

Mike Brown seems to have aged before our eyes. He's the Dorian Gray of the featherweight division. He's 36 now, and 3-3 since losing the WEC strap to Jose Aldo.

Pineda, on the other hand, is just coming into his own. Maybe not a ton of name recognition there, but if you're not careful, he can easily put you on the wrong end of a highlight reel. He's 2-0 in the UFC and unbeaten in his last seven fights. Each one was a finish, too. 

If Brown still has it, now's the time to bring it.

5. Dan Hardy vs. Duane Ludwig

Welterweight bout
See it on: FX

Bang and The Outlaw. The British brawler and the Muay Thai murderer. Insert "this one's not going to the ground" joke here. You know what has a better chance of going to the ground? Like a, uh, like a big migrating family of birds. Word up.

Plus, Ludwig looks exactly like the guy who played Matt Hamill in The Hammer. Uncanny, I tells ya!

4. Shane Del Rosario vs. Stipe Miocic

Heavyweight bout
See it on: Pay-per-view

It's hard not to root for del Rosario, making his UFC debut after a serious injury layoff. But he has a virtual equal in fellow punisher Miocic. And Miocic's last fight was a heck of a lot more recent.

Another one with no downside. Two likable and exciting heavyweights on their way up the ladder. May the best man win. 

3. Edson Barboza vs. Jamie Varner

Lightweight bout
See it on: FX

Barboza is coming off a performance I have to believe is the leader in the clubhouse for Knockout of the Year 2012.

Jamie Varner is returning to the UFC and, well, fans don't really like him very much. (Although, to be honest, he seems like a much more astute and reasonable guy these days.)

So if you think Muay Thai surgeon Barboza will win, then it's probably a highly ranked fight in terms of excitement. If you think Varner can dirty it up long enough to pull something out (and that could be a long time), then you'd probably rank it lower.

Its position here probably shows you what I think. But it's not because I have any Jamie Varner blood lust. It's because I think Barboza could be another performance or two away from taking a very big leap.  

2. Cain Velasquez vs. Antonio Silva

Heavyweight bout
See it on: Pay-per-view

As you may have heard, this guy Alistair Overeem was going to fight dos Santos, right. But he failed a drug test. So they brought up Frank Mir to replace Overeem against dos Santos.

But then to replace Mir they brought up "Bigfoot" to face Velasquez, who couldn't go up to face dos Santos because JDS had knocked him into Family Guy just a few months back.

Silva was originally going to fight Roy Nelson in his UFC debut. That matchup seemed a lot more even.

Silva can catch anybody, I suppose. But Cain is a different animal. Cain is going to get him, and that's all there is to it.

You see that face, Bigfoot? That's Cain's gettin' face. He's all like, "I'm coming to get you, Antonio Silva. I. Am. Coming. To. Get. You." 

1. Junior Dos Santos vs. Frank Mir

Heavyweight bout
See it on: Pay-per-view
(For UFC heavyweight championship)

You know what? Sometimes it's the main event for a reason.

Take the title out of it, and all you have is maybe the greatest heavyweight boxer of all time against maybe the greatest heavyweight submission artist of all time.

Based on the fight Xs and Os alone, this is one of my favorite matchups of the year.