Well, down here in Tejas, the Bible bangers are at it again.
Seems there is this piece of sculpture. It’s called Caelum Moors. Designed for a business park about a decade ago, it was meant to evoke the Scottish and Celtic heritage of the business park owners. But then they went bankrupt and donated the piece to the city of Arlington.
And that’s when things got weird .
Arlington installed the thing, which kinda sorta looks like a mini Stonehenge, in a park. And several of the local fundamentalist clergy went…well…nuts. They claimed that the sculpture was the “work of Satan ” and was purposely designed for pagan and satanic worship.
So what did Arlington, America’s largest city with no mass transit and a Mecca of conservative, Middle American values do? Stick up for the Constitution , laugh at these guys, just ignore them? Nope. Took the thing down and stored it in a water treatment plant for 12 years. Take that silly ol’ Satan, you bad, bad deity.
So now comes Jerry World , the sparkling new ballpark built for the Cowboys, and the decision was made to resurrect Caelum Moors. The same day it was rededicated, chaplain Michael Tummillo posted on a Web site: "Occultic landmark resurrected near home of the Dallas Cowboys."
The letter was headlined, "No Witchcraft Park in Arlington ." In an online religious tract, The Battle of Caelum Moor, Tummillo blames Caelum Moors for a series of divorces, deaths, and church and business failures.
"I believe there's a devil and that we tugged on his cape," he was quoted as saying in the local paper, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram .. "There was a demonic backlash. That satanic spirit has been lying dormant. It's back now."
You can’t make stuff like this up. But it got me thinking. Maybe there’s something to it.
Is Jerry Jones the spawn of the devil?
To start off with, he’s an NFL owner , and thus would follow a long line of Beelzebub’s acolytes who have preceded him.
Who can forget Robert Irsay , the evil man who moved the Colts in the middle of the night from Baltimore, thus bringing great glee to the Prince of Darkness, Art Modell , who fired Paul Brown as manager of the Cleveland Browns and then, 10 years later, shipped the team off to Baltimore where they have a defense led by Ray Lewis.
Al Davis , who redefined snarky. And Leonard Tose , who owned the Philadelphia Eagles but gambled and drank his way through his fortune, ending up in a one-room Atlantic City hotel in the last days. Yep, Lucifer definitely has had his clutches in a few of Jerry predecessors.
And there’s other stuff too.
Jerry’s rich, rich, rich. But no one can tell you exactly how he got there, it’s not like he invented anything, runs a big company like Microsoft, or such. Nope, he just got rich doing “deals.” Hmmmmm. Ever seen the movie Rosemary’s Baby ?
He owns the Cowboys . Everyone hates the Cowboys except their fans. Mother Teresa hated the Cowboys.
He has moved the Cotton Bowl and wants to move the annual Texas vs. Oklahoma game (the Red River Rivalry) from the storied house that has seen players like Doak Walker, Jim Brown, Bob Lilly, and Joe Montana to his new digs. To hell with history, says he.
He made the City of Arlington sell their soul to the devil in one of the worst cases of eminent domain abuse in American history to build his ball park, causing the eviction of thousands and the destruction of hundreds of homes. And charges $10 for a bag of popcorn in the place.
And he played on one of the last all segregated teams , the 1964 Arkansas Razorbacks, to win a national title.
So maybe the Bible bangers are right. Maybe Jerry is in cahoots with the guy from down under. After all, how else can you explain having a numb nut like Wade Phillips as a coach and still be leading your division?