25 Dumbest World Football Quotes of 2011

Football is often called a gentleman's game played by thugs.

Not quite. It's more like a gentleman's game played by idiots.

Just look at some of the stuff that comes out of footballers' mouths. Footballers are rarely going to be mistaken for intellectuals, but some of their best soundbites make you wonder just what's going on up there between their ears.

And they're not the only ones. Managers and pundits are just as guilty.

With that in mind, we've compiled the 25 dumbest world football quotes of 2011. We hope you enjoy.

Aly Cissokho on Mothers

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“Your mum.”

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—Lyon defender Aly Cissokho waxes philosophical in his response to a training-ground heckler. Come on, Aly, that comeback went out of style in 1989.

Micky Quinn Mixes Up His Prepositions

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“Barcelona play football to die of.”

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—retired English forward Micky Quinn on the danger of the world's best team.

Alain Casanova on Religion

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 “We’re stuck with that tag, a bit like how the Jews unfortunately had to wear a cross on their sleeves.”

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—Toulouse manager Alain Casanova manages to both offend Jews and get their religious imagery wrong. Believe it or not, he was talking about his team's reputation for dour football.

He later apologized.

Glenn Hoddle Breaks Wind

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“United will break caution to the wind."

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—Glenn Hoddle, talking about God knows what. Tell us, Glenn, how does one break caution to the wind?

Louis Nicollin Cuts Down His Own Team

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“Montpellier champions of France? If I was Marseille, Paris, Lyon, Lille or Rennes, I’d stab myself in the arse with a sausage! What an embarrassment it would be for them.”

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—Montpellier president Louis Nicollin on his team's rise to the top of the Ligue 1 table. Way to give your own team a backhanded compliment.

'Arry Loses Count

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“We've won 10 out of 11. You can't do any better than that."

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—Tottenham Hotspur manager Harry Redknapp flashing that quicksilver wit he's become known for over the years.

'Arry 'Ates Fruitcake

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"He is a bit of a fruitcake but he's got amazing ability."

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—Harry Redknapp tells us what he really thinks of QPR's Adel Taarabt. Ladies and gentlemen, the manager of the third-best team in England!

Ray Wilkins Knows How to Count

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"The interesting thing about Nani is that he has two feet."

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—Television pundit and former manager Ray Wilkins. Yes, Ray, it is interesting how Nani has two feet. We can see why you were such a success as a manager.

Cristiano Ronaldo on Fame

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"I think that because I am rich, handsome and a great player people are envious of me. I don't have any other explanation."

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—Cristiano Ronaldo on one of the great mysteries of life.

Chris Kamara on Poaching

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“Hernandez is a poacher in every sense of the word.”

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—Retired footballer/television pundit Chris Kamara on Chicharito. No word on whether Chris knows the first sense of the word.

Why Always Mario Balotelli?

So, it's not really a quote, but you get the idea.

As the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. But what about a shirt?

This one, worn by Manchester City's Mario Balotelli, inspired at least that many.

Gary Neville on Transfers

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“The trouble with the transfer window is it creates a window where transfers have to be done.”

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—Retired footballer/TV presenter Gary Neville on the world football transfer window. Yeah, Gary, that's exactly what the transfer window does.

Luis Enrique on Dessert

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“Roma are like a dessert that everyone is happy to eat.”

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—Luis Enrique, the manager of AS Roma.

Micky Mellon Swears at the Boys

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“The boys’ performance today was so good I’ve run out of expletives to describe it.”

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—Fleetwood Town manager Micky Mellon on his team's performance. Did he mean superlatives?

Trapattoni on Cats

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"The cat is in the sack, but the sack is not closed. The cat is in it, but it's open—and it's a wild cat."

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—Republic of Ireland manager Giovanni Trapattoni on the meaning of life, maybe?

Ray Wilkins on Touching

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"Liverpool don't take touches. It’s either one-touch or two-touch."

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—Ray Wilkins again, this time on how Liverpool can both touch the ball and not touch it at the same time.

Adil Rami on Body Parts

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"We need to keep our head and show our balls."

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—Valencia defender Adil Rami on his team's intimidation tactics against Chelsea. Valencia lost the game in question 3-0.

Dwight Yorke on Flairness

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“What do I like about Spurs? The flairness.”

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—Former Manchester United forward Dwight Yorke invents a word.

Andy Gray Loves Women

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"I can see her from here [expletives]. What do women know about the offside rule?"

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—Former SkySports commentator Andy Gray on female linesman Sian Massey. Gray was later sacked for this comment as well as additional shenanigans.

Richard Keys, Too

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"Somebody better get down there and explain the offside rule to her."

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—Richard Keys, in the same conversation with Gray.

Nicklas Bendtner Whines About His Job

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“There is a price to pay as well for us players. Personally, I think I pay a big price with my body, my time and with never being able to have privacy when I am out and around other people.

"I am not complaining. It’s a natural part of being a professional footballer but it is definitely a price to pay when, for example, you can’t go out to eat in a restaurant with your girlfriend without photographers chasing you.

"The biggest thing I miss because of football is that I really, really love to go on a skiing holiday, but as long as I have my career, I can’t do that because of the risk of being injured."

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—Former Arsenal forward Nicklas Bendtner on why he should make more money.

Jamie Carragher Forgets His Geography Lessons

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“English managers don’t get a chance at the top. Years ago, the Chelsea job would have gone to someone like David Moyes.”

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—Liverpool defender Jamie Carragher on Everton manager David Moyes, who is Scottish.

David Pleat on Questioning Questions

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"The question is whether Capello should still take Rooney. Unquestionably he should.”

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—Commentator David Pleat confuses us with his superior logic.

Sepp Blatter on Race Relations

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"Racism and discrimination of any kind have no place in football. ... However—and it is not an excuse—sometimes, in the heat of the moment, things are said and done on the field of play. This does not mean that, in general, there is racism on the field of play."

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—FIFA President Sepp Blatter, who also said the players should shake hands after the game if something racist is said during the match.

Julio Grondona on Keeping an Open Mind

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"With the English bid I said: 'Let us be brief. If you give back the Falkland Islands which belong to us, you will get my vote.' They then became sad and left."

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—Argentina FA president and FIFA vice president Julio Grondona on the bidding process for the 2018 World Cup. England did not win.

Grondona also said a vote for the USA would be like a vote for England. And way back in 2003, he had some interesting things to say about Jewish referees.