Arsenal: The Half-Term Report

Well, well, well, where do I even start? I suppose the best way would be to ask you to recall the days when you, as a young chatty, cheeky, homework-forgetting, detention-regular school student would dread the prospect of a written bollocking by each and every teacher being delivered to your parents and guardians halfway through the academic year.

Since exactly half of the football season has now elapsed, I thought it was apt to analyse as impartially as possible (promise!) Arsenal FC's strengths and weaknesses. That's right, I am the schoolteacher and Arsenal the student! A lousy, tired-looking, underachieving one, I hasten to add.

Arsenal have reminded me of the one-time clever student living on reputation and past achievements, the worst kind of student my father always used to warn me.

Careless, thoughtless and simply a passenger in the class, not particularly bothered, or maybe even physically unable to motivate himself to emulate his previous status as the star pupil that had made him the envy of his classmates (the Premier League teams) and other classes (Europe's other leagues, you get the picture).

Indeed, when other students pulled their fingers out and began addressing their major issues (ala Liverpool, Aston Villa, etc.), Arsène's Arsenal just stood and watched, the manager staunchly believing that a team built on mere pennies and spineless, flimsy talent (or lack thereof, in many cases) can still lead the way to the top of the class as if nothing had happened. How wrong he is!

Starting with the strengths, as this will undoubtedly form the shortest section of this article, well at least the home kit for this season looks nice!

Joking aside, we, as fans, have been very hard-pushed to find any positives from this campaign. Say that to Wenger and he will probably spin his way through into lulling you into a false sense of greatness, harmony and never-ending optimism and buoyancy, but the stark reality is, there is not much to crow about.

Robin van Persie's return to full fitness has been a particular highlight, as he has shown on occasions what a truly world class player he can be, leading the line well and scoring some magnificent goals. But, of course, he will not have been helped by the team's inconsistency, and so, he has not shone to his full capacity.

A player who has bounced back from the many uncertainties and doubts regarding his talent was Johan Djourou, who, in my opinion, has been the most consistent defender amongst our ranks.

Physically strong, calm, measured, a good sense of positioning, and full of pace and endeavour, we have often kept clean sheets (a very "un-Wenger" thing) in his presence in the centre of defence.

In fact, many of you would agree that he should be kept in the side, with the other, more established centre backs competing for the second berth.

From a team viewpoint, I can only think of our victories against Manchester United and Chelsea as anything to be mildly proud of. Nineteen Premier League matches and six in Europe, and we can only be satisfied with two matches!

The Carling Cup youngsters certainly showed glimpses of what they can do, but, unsurprisingly, they are a carbon copy of their seniors, doing the hard bit and then falling flat on their faces when they are least expected to.

Which brings me onto a whole plethora of negatives, a glaring list of "areas for improvement" and "student action plans." Indeed, these are all points we have exhausted to death many times before and in many guises, glaring mishaps for all to see. All except Arsène Wenger, that is.

In my last article, I mentioned the presence of stench "dead wood" at the club, both on pitch and boardroom level. So I shall avoid scrutinising individuals once again and generalise the faults of the team, of which there are many.

Unfortunately, however, the manager cannot be protected in this generalisation and must take the blame almost single-handedly for where we are today.

Cutting a terse, grumpy figure during his post-match interview at Villa Park, Wenger summed up his almost tragic demise as a one-time great in the game in one sentence: "I believe we have improved greatly in the last two months and look very solid now, which is why I believe we can win the title."

On your own, Arsène! I very much doubt that your Chairman, any of your young protégées, and any of the 2.5 million plus supporters (not to mention the worldwide fanbase) share that belief of yours, which sounds more like a tame Christmas cracker joke that we are usually subjected to at this time of year!

Well, actually, I say on his own, save for one person, a friend of mine, one out of 2.5 million enraged supporters, who still seems to be living the "Arsène knows" dream, for which I salute his courage and yet question his sanity!

The presence of many average players in the squad, without the necessary strengthening to ensure a well-balanced team, able to compete with the rigours of the top flight and European competition, thanks in large to Wenger's stubbornness and lack of foresight, has culminated in where we are today, with our position in the top four seriously threatened, and with Liverpool, once a team that were nailed-on certainties to finishing below us, a whole 10 points clear.

Ten points! A gap between the league leaders and ourselves in fifth that is equally as big as between ourselves and 14th in the table!

Other interesting stats, such as the fact that we have conceded 23 goals in the Premier League so far, just under half of Fulham's total and having conceded 26 goals in our entire unbeaten campaign of 2004, as well as the fact that we have lost the same number of matches as Liverpool, Chelsea and Manchester United have put together, only one of whom had lost to an opponent lower than fifth, adds to the embarrassment and makes me question if Wenger really has any idea what he is doing.

If I could reel off such statistics in five minutes, and if hundreds of thousands of people can highlight our weaknesses on a minute-to-minute basis, surely, SURELY, Wenger knows what is going wrong!

The 2-2 draw against Aston Villa sums it all up, a microcosm of our season. At 2-0 up, no one was getting excited. Dad was sitting there looking sceptical, and I had emphasised my belief with a hardcore Gooner that we would definitely concede a minimum of one goal the day before.

No nonchalant text messages that we were on the way up again, either. And so it happened. Not once, but twice. A Liverpool or a Chelsea or a United would have probably been under the cosh the way we have during the first half, and could have easily also scored two breakaway goals.

This is where the similarities end, as they would have shut up shop and made sure they bloody well went home with three points by hook or by crook. We didn't. We couldn't.

As we head into the New Year, there is a lot to mull over. Sure, injuries have not helped, but we should have prepared for that eventuality, and Wenger and his men must now learn the hard way, and we must all follow suit and suffer.

Perhaps Le Boss can take a look at the manager's seat on the opposition dugout on Sunday afternoon to remind him of exactly what an Arsenal player is all about.

And, as we head into a hopefully happy 2009 for all of us (including football-wise, which I very much doubt), the message in the report to Arsène and his boys reads very simply: "MUST DO BETTER!"