Packers vs. Lions: 9 Outlandish Thanksgiving Predictions

It's that time again, Lions faithful.

Thanksgiving, a time of food, family and football, has arrived. And this time, instead of everybody complaining about how the Lions shouldn't be playing, everybody is buzzing about the game of the week.

So for the second time this season, the Lions will take the national stage against a divisional opponent, and for the second time this season, the outcome will tell us a lot about the direction the team is headed.

Are the Lions an elite team that can play to the level of any opponent? Or are they pretenders, doomed to another disappointing season and condescending "better luck next year" talk?

Will we see the Lions team that showed up at Soldier Field, or the team that came to play in the second half against Carolina?

Can the Lions snap their Thanksgiving losing streak and make it two straight wins against the Packers (!), or will the unstoppable freight train that is the Aaron Rodgers Express continue its roll through the NFL?

These are all questions I don't have the answers to. This game is going to be absolutely nuts, that's the only thing I have any confidence in predicting.

Well, that and these other nine things of varying importance.

First Team to 50 Wins

Expecting a hard-nosed, gritty, defensive football game?

Why? Have you seen these teams play? The Packers look like they actually take a couple defensive series off per game, just so Aaron Rodgers has something to do.

The Lions can tighten up on defense, but it's hard to make that assessment after the Lions have given up an average of 36 points in the last two games.

The Packers give up the third-most yards of any team in football, they just cover it up with an absurd turnover margin.

Either way, I expect one of these teams to either hit or surpass 50 points in this game. Whichever team it is should (obviously) win the game.

It's worth noting that the Lions are 2-1 in games where they give up more than 30 points. But the Packers are 2-0 under the same circumstances.

And this applies to both teams because...

Either Way, This Will Be the Closest Game Yet for the Packers

The closest game the Packers have played all year is a 33-27 victory over Minnesota, in which the score was closer than the game itself seemed.

The Packers have won a couple of other games by seven points, but no team has been able to finish closer than six points against Green Bay.

That changes here. In this game, the Packers will either win or lose by less than six.

And yes, I know I just said somebody would score 50. That also holds true.

The Lions have a good defense and a great offense. The Packers have a poor defense and an all-time great offense.

The Packers' offense can't be stopped, and the defense can't stop anybody. The Lions have fluctuated from unbeatable to ineffective in all phases this year.

That should continue long enough for both teams to run up the score. Partially because...

There Will Be at Least Two Defensive/Special Teams Touchdowns

Randall Cobb, Charles Woodson, Stefan Logan and Chris Houston are going to take the field on Thanksgiving, and mark my words, at least one of them will be finding the end zone on a non-offensive play.

And I say one of them because the other one (or two?) could be anybody. Stephen Tulloch? Ndamukong Suh? Clay Matthews? Tramon Williams?

I don't know who it'll be, and I can't say whether it'll be interceptions, fumbles or kick returns. But between the two teams, no fewer than 14 points will go up on the board as a result of taking the football in the opposite direction.

Aaron Rodgers Will Get Beat Up, and Still Have an Amazing Game

Aaron Rodgers is a tougher guy than he gets credit for. He puts up all the ridiculous numbers, so you're tempted to think he's just a glamour QB who never touches the ground.

You'd never know he's one of the most (and hardest) knocked-down quarterbacks in the NFL, or that he operates behind the 21st-ranked rushing attack in the NFL.

In reality, the Packers have a lot of the same problems the Lions do, they're just less pronounced because Rodgers is having one of the best single seasons for any player of any sport in history.

The Packers' offensive line is aged and largely injured. They've had trouble protecting Rodgers all year, and that is likely to continue through Thursday. He could get sacked a half-dozen times, eliciting images of 1962.

Difference is, I expect Rodgers to take those shots and keep coming, like a heavyweight boxer with nothing but a steel chin and a hard right. Wouldn't surprise me at all to see Rodgers have four each of sacks, touchdowns and hundreds of yards passing.

But there's something else I'm predicting from Rodgers in this game.

First Multi-Interception Game of the Year for Rodgers

There is one thing the Detroit Lions absolutely cannot afford to do if they stand a chance of winning this game: stay passive.

The Packers have guys open on every play, on every down. The Lions aren't going to be able to just sit back and wait for Rodgers to make a mistake. He won't, unless the Lions take some chances to force him into one.

That means bringing pressure and jumping short routes. That means lots of gambling by Chris Houston and Eric Wright. And that means Rodgers is going to have a lot of opportunities down the field, many of which he will likely take.

But the Lions can bring pressure, and while just barely, Rodgers has shown a couple of times that he is human enough to make mistakes.

It's going to be high-risk, high-reward for the Lions against Rodgers all day, and I expect them to both cash in and get burned at certain points in the game.

Kevin Smith Will Have the Second-Best Game of His Career

Last week, Kevin Smith came back from the dead (literally, in NFL career terms) to gash the Carolina Panthers' defense for over 200 yards of total offense and three touchdowns.

The Lions themselves had to have been shocked with the discovery that Smith could still play (they are, after all, the ones that cut him three months ago), and might look to do a little force-feeding to him against the Packers.

The only game plan that works against a historically good offense like the Packers is to keep them off the field as much as possible, and that starts with running the ball effectively.

The Packers have a stouter run defense than the Panthers (12th overall), but the Lions might suddenly be playing with fire in the backfield. The fact is, we don't know what to expect from Smith other than a bunch of touches, and at this point, neither do the Packers.

I don't think Smith will carve up the Packers like he did the Panthers, but I do think he's a different (and healthier) back than what we've seen from him in the past. If the Lions have a win to pull out here, Smith will have to key it.

Nickelback Will Get Booed

It's not a really important thing, just like Nickelback isn't a really important band.

But over 50,000 people signed on to prevent the radio-friendly neo-grunge (those are things that aren't supposed to go together) group from taking the stage at Ford Field, and the NFL yawned and said "deal with it."

It's true that Detroit is one of Nickelback's most important markets, and they pack their shows every time they tour.

But this isn't their usual crowd. This is the crowd that wanted them to not be there.

Ford Field won't be packed like a Nickelback concert, with angsty teenagers and soccer moms (also angsty). Ford Field will be packed with people who were hoping to see Bob Seger, anybody from Motown (you know, the record label that also serves as Detroit's nickname?), or even a repeat of last year's Kid Rock performance.

The fans at that game, in large part, would have taken a jumbotron replay of Kid Rock's performance last year over the live "entertainment" they have to suffer through. Expect to hear about it. Lions fans still know how to boo.

Matthew Stafford Will (Almost) Duel Rodgers to a Draw

For all those calling for Matthew Stafford to get benched last week, I hope you learned something from this experience.

Even before Stafford went off for one of the best games of his career, he had a 20-8 TD-INT ratio with over 2,500 yards passing in nine games.

Bench him? Really? Bench him?

No, Stafford is not a bench quarterback. He has had quite enough of that in his first two years, thanks very much. Stafford is much closer to elite status than he is bench status, and Sunday he showed why.

Thursday he will again, but he will also be playing in one of the biggest games of his young career against an undefeated team. He should play well, and he looks to be figuring it out, but he's exactly the type to crack under pressure... until he gets used to it.

Stafford will do what he can to keep pace with Rodgers, but he's almost guaranteed to make a mistake or two.

The Lions' game plan likely centers around protecting Stafford from having to try outgunning Rodgers, but you saw my scoring prediction, right? Not likely.

At Least $50,000 in Fines Will Stem from This Game

You know what? The Packers and Lions don't like each other. Never have. Never will.

And at this point, I'm willing to bet they're both awfully tired of hearing about each other. The media has been talking about both of them, fans have been yapping at one another, and it took 12 NFL weeks to get them on the field together.

Both teams understand what's on the line here. The Packers have a shot at perfection, the Lions are fighting to break into the ranks of the elite and keep their playoff hopes healthy.

This will be an emotional game featuring powerful division rivals, and we know what happens in those situations.

Hard hits. Late hits. Intimidation. Scuffles after the whistle.

This game will feature two things: lots of scoring, and lots of flags. And not "sloppy play" flags. I'm talking about "whoops, got a little bit of helmet" flags.

Look, I'm not glorifying helmet shots or dirty play here, and I never will. I might be one of the only people who thinks that new regulations on hits and kickoffs do more overall good than harm.

But there is a certain amount of what happens on the gridiron that is outside the rules.

Should it? Probably not.

Am I happy that the Lions are caught up in it more than your average team? Not even a little bit.

But I do know that this is Packers-Lions on Thanksgiving in Detroit, and flags and fines be damned, 22 men are going to go out there with bad intentions on every play, and some of them will find their wallets lighter because of them.

It may be slowly changing, but that's still the NFL.