My Two Cents: Don Imus, Dead Man Talking

Ryan Alberti started a story, and I'm putting my two cents in.

Last week, Don Imus moved a step above Mike Tyson and Billy Packer on the list of people who've irked the world by opening their mouths. Now it's my turn to tell Imus what I think of him.

Given that his remarks came so close to the 60th anniversary of Jackie Robinson breaking baseball's color barrier, Imus might has well have dropped his pants and pulled a Randy Moss on every African American in the country. Ryan and I both have a dream—but mine involves moseying up to the I-Man, slapping that goofy cowboy hat off his wannabe Conway Twitty haircut, and asking him the only question that matters:

How do you like 'dem apples, Don?

A little hard on the poor old fool, maybe. And, actually, that's how life was for me when I first moved to Colorado. Why would I want to take a tragic trip down memory lane?  

What's most upsetting is that some people have tried to defend Imus by saying that he was just doing a terrible job at being funny. Granted, Dave Chappelle and Carlos Mencia have earned a living bashing other races on television. And granted, there are plenty of shock jocks who like to hit below the belt for ratings. But come on, man:

If you've got Pat Summitt saying that what you did was over the edge, shouldn't you know you've gone too far?

Apparently, Staples and Procter & Gamble got the message—the two companies have already pulled their ads off Imus' show. So, are they overreacting as much as Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson?

Rutgers head coach C. Vivian Stringer says she's trying to move on...but it won't be any easier for her than it was for Jackie Robinson, Arthur Ashe, Tiger Woods, or any other African American athlete who ever got singled out on account of race.

And seriously: Isn't it already hard enough to be a woman in the sports world? You have to wear short skirts in tennis (and sometimes in golf), your professional basketball league is hardly ever on television, and, to top it all off, you've got Vijay Singh on your case.

So if it sounds like I'm defending African American women here,yes, that's exactly what I'm doing.

Mr. Imus, why are you bashing Rutgers in the first place? Why not go after Pacman Jones, Tank Johnson, or the entire Cincinnati Bengals football team for their behavior off the field? How about Fuzzy Zoeller for his comments after Woods won his first Masters?

There are so many other people you could have hated on—all for cleaner and possibly funnier reasons. You wouldn't be in hot water if you'd actually supported something other than the words that came out of your big mouth. Instead, you managed to open up Pandora's Box—and let's just say she ain't too happy with you.

I know how it is, Imus. You figure that since Howard Stern gets away with murder on the radio, you can walk on that same thin ice. But Stern is on the Sirius Satellite network—not NBC Universal/CBS Radio.

And what about your network? It's pretty obvious that NBC doesn't want to push the wrong buttons, but the fact that they only booted you off the air for two weeks...well, it sounds more like the kind of punishment I used to get as a kid.

A better solution: Get Imus in a dunk tank and give every team in the Women's Final Four a shot at cleansing him of his verbal sins.  He should apologize to Rutgers as a school, not just for his comments, but for the fact that he was unremorseful before his suspension.

If we really hold these truths to be self-evident, and if all men really are created equal, then equality has got to start with a handshake and an opening of eyes. Let people like Imus look at themselves before they pass judgment on anyone else. 

Dignity, thy name isn't Don Imus. Stupidity is more like it. Sticks and stones may break my bones...but words can light a fire.

Those are my two cents—and I'll deposit them anytime.