The Postgame Tailgate: Week 8 College Football Awards

Through seven weeks, it’s been a known thing that this has been one of the tamer college football seasons to date – no huge September upsets, no mascots inexplicably turning on innocent fans (or each other), and really, none of the chaos we’ve come to expect from America’s most insane, unpredictable sport…

…and then somebody tried to show their skivvies on a football field in Tucson.

I have no idea if we can absolutely say creative “streaking” on a lousy Thursday night matchup will always portend an upcoming memorable Saturday, but for the sake of argument and the next minute or two of your life as you relive a surprisingly eventful college football Saturday through an array of important awards, let’s assume it to be so.

Best Saturday

I imagine Michigan State QB Kirk Cousins slept well. Or not at all. Or doesn’t even remember. Good for him.

Best Use of Tearaway Pants

Well, yeah.

Best Neuheisel Recruit Trolling

Cal WR commit Bryce Treggs tweeted that UCLA had reminded him to watch the Arizona game Thursday night. He was having a laugh.

I swear, at some point, I’ll get beyond ESPN airing last Thursday’s funniest show (Community and Parks and Recreation were reruns).

Worst Downfall

It really is too bad that Illinois won their first two games of the month (against two bad Big Ten teams), because I’ve been dying to use the word “Zooktober” since watching Illinois’s 0 remain a 0 until the fourth quarter against Purdue on Saturday. An early prediction of their 2012 media guide is that it’ll include the line “…before losing five of their last six in 2011.”

Shame on all of us for believing that it’d be different this time, Illinois. Shame on all of us.  

(I miss A.J. Jenkins)

Best Box Score Box

The one that says “35” under the 3^rd quarter column in the Clemson row of their box score against North Carolina. In this particular scene, the Tigers will be playing the role of “Giant Hand” and the Heels will be playing the role of “Unsuspecting Person.” Enjoy.

Worst Good Team/Best Bad Team

Missouri inexplicably puts scares into smart people and, more often than not this season, lose. We should all chip in and invent some sort of trophy we can give to Chase Daniel just because.

Best November Downfall Preview

After losing at Virginia, Georgia Tech managed to not only give up 24 points in a game in which Miami could neither throw nor run the ball with any profound consistency, but they also managed to only put up a whopping seven points of their own. It must be that special Al Groh defenisve magic nobody talks about ever.

Oh, and the rest of the Yellowjackets’ schedule includes Clemson, Virginia Tech, and Georgia. Sell! SELL!

Worst Morning After

As bad as Wisconsin’s morning after must have been, I  imagine anyone who played significant snaps for Washington’s defensive front wasn't bruise-free Sunday morning. 446 rushing yards aimed squarely at the middle of a defensive line tend to leave a mark.

Best “Just Think About This” Moment

Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly was outmaneuvered for four quarters by Lane Kiffin. Just think about this.

It may very well be that something finally clicked for the USC coach, but I’ll choose to stay with Notre Dame looking ill-prepared for a big game yet again. Figure out which works best for you, I guess.

Worst Thing to do Watching LSU or Alabama Play Other Teams

Getting your hopes up for a competitive, four quarter showing. Not happening.

Best Reason to Randomly Watch Conference USA Games

Houston and QB Case Keenum (new FBS total career offense king) continue to put up offensive numbers that are coming dangerously close to being outstanding individual SAT section scores. Each of this week’s 621 yards will only make the Cougars’ November 19^th loss to SMU harder, though. Enjoy the good times.

Worst Oklahoma Tradition

Actually, traditionally speaking, Oklahoma generally waits for a road game on national TV to fall out of national title contention, so give credit to how willing Bob Stoops and Co., who are willing to adapt by losing to Texas Tech during a night game on national TV at home. Forward thinkers.

Best SEC Deep Ball

It’s Jarrett Lee’s, right? Right? Hold on, let me just click “Save” before my computer instinctively freezes after seeing what I just typed.

Worst Conference Entrance

It’s late October and both Utah and Colorado are yet to notch Pac-12 wins. Hard to tell who has the inside track at this point for win number one – Colorado gets the holy trinity of Arizona, UCLA, and Utah to finish the season, but Utah lucks out with Arizona, UCLA, Washington State, and Colorado to end 2011. Know this -- whichever schools wins that last game should at least have the honor of hoisting the new Yellow Snow rivalry trophy. Only fair.

Best Sideline Freakout

Iowa State coach Paul Rhoads will wear this specific crown until he decides not to.

Best Thing Overheard at an Auburn Bar in LA After a Clint Mosley Pass

WAR. DAMN. UGHWHATEVERLETSGOHOME.

Dan Rubenstein co-hosts The Solid Verbal college football podcast and can be  followed on Twitter here.