WWE Buzzwords & Other Quirks: 15 of Vince McMahon's Eccentricities

Let's face it: Vince McMahon can be pretty weird.

I'm sure you've heard some of the stories.

There are the many words that must be replaced with WWE-approved synonyms, making the wrestlers and announcers sound like strange alien creatures or the cast of NYPD Blue when David Milch was losing his mind.

There are the little things that he makes a policy that affect everything from the construction of the ring to how the wrestlers' weights and hometowns are announced, to what the wrestlers can or can't be named.

To normal people, some of these things seem like minor quirks, but others come off completely insane.

There are many of these, so kick back as we get a look at the psyche of Vincent Kennedy McMahon.

No Excited Announcers

A few years ago, Vince McMahon instructed the announcers not to act excited when calling the action. 

That's because he feels that excited announcers like Jim Ross (especially during his days as the voice of the Universal Wrestling Federation in 1986 & 1987) are just byproducts of old southern wrestling.

Yes, really.

No Cable Ropes

Most wrestling rings don't actually use rope for the ring ropes.  Instead, they use steel cables wrapped in garden hose and tape.  While they hurt more than real rope when running into them, they provide more stability than real rope for springboard moves.

Since cable and real rope ring ropes have their own pros and cons, there are legitimate reasons to prefer one over the other.  Reportedly, though, WWE uses real rope for a ridiculous reason.

Vince McMahon has dictated that WWE rings only use real rope because his father's rings always used real ropes.  Cable ropes, on the other hand, are just a reminder of those old southern 'rasslin' territories.

Sensing a pattern?

Time Limit Draws That Make No Sense

Time limit draws were staples of WWE house shows/live events in the '80s.  However, for reasons known only to Vince McMahon, WWE ring announcers would never announce the time limit before matches, or make announcements at regular intervals of how much time was remaining during matches.

(No, it wouldn't surprise me if the answer is "time calls are a relic of southern NWA territories.")

Thanks to this rule, the finish would come completely out of nowhere in matches that ended in time limit draws.  The bell would just ring out of nowhere.

In addition, in most of the draws from the period that I've seen, the heel usually has the babyface beaten when the time expires.

The babyface is the one saved by the bell, while the heel is screwed by having just been a second or two late in covering him, going against the usual wrestling psychology. 

Why is the bad guy put in the sympathetic spot?

The most infamous story involving the time call quirk took place as part of the US/Japan Wrestling Summit at the Tokyo Dome in 1990.

The show was co-promoted by WWE, All Japan Pro Wrestling, and New Japan Pro Wrestling (with only the WWE & AJPW wrestlers mixing together as NJPW wrestlers only faced each other).  McMahon and AJPW promoter Shohei "Giant" Baba had a number of disagreements over the presentation of the show.

One was about time calls: Baba wanted time elapsed/remaining calls since they were the tradition in Japan, while McMahon obviously didn't.  A compromise was made: The AJPW and WWE ring announcers would alternate and do what they usually did for each match.

I think you can guess which company's ring announcer ended up handling the one time limit draw featuring Bret Hart vs Tiger Mask II (the late Mitsuharu Misawa).  With no time calls and the two wrestlers seemingly pacing themselves for a longer match based on how they worked, the fans were deflated and angry when the bell rang out of nowhere at the expiration of the time limit.

Random Declarations That WWE Must Be More Realistic/Less Intelligence-Insulting

Some of Vince McMahon's decisions seemingly come out of nowhere.

When Zack Ryder (Matthew Cardona) and Curt Hawkins (Brian Myers) first came to WWE, they formed a brother team, the Major Brothers.  Known respectively as Brett and Brian Major, they teamed up on the undercard for a while before getting a big break.

At WWE Armageddon 2007, they helped Edge defeat The Undertaker and World Heavyweight Champion Batista in a triple threat match to win the title.  Borrowing from matches years earlier where Kurt Angle's brother Eric would dress up as him to confuse opponents, the Majors wore Edge's tights and styled their hair like him to cause confusion during the match. 

On the next episode of SmackDown, they revealed that they were not the Major Brothers and that their "real" names were Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins.  Informally known as The Edgeheads, they became Edge's new flunkies as part of the "La Familia" stable along with Edge, Vickie Guerrero, Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely.

The name change came about because Vince McMahon was shocked and appalled when he learned that the Major Brothers weren't actually brothers.  Even though WWE and every other wrestling promotion has featured brother teams that weren't actually brothers, he felt that continuing to portray the Majors as brothers would insult the fans' intelligence.

Thus, Vince McMahon declared that the Major Brothers must change their names and admit that they're not brothers.  I would think that nobody asked him about The Undertaker and Kane out of fear that Vince would yell at them or give them wedgies or something.

Raw Is TV's Longest Running Weekly Episodic Series

You're probably aware that Vince McMahon is desperate for mainstream legitimacy and has this weird self-loathing thing about wrestling going on.  It doesn't matter if it requires stretching the truth.

As a result, there's whatever they're trying to say Raw (and starting tonight, SmackDown right behind it) is in the annals of television history.  Thus they've been pushing how Raw is the "longest running weekly episodic series in television history."

WWE tries to position Raw opposite shows like The Simpsons, Cheers, Law & Order and Gunsmoke.  Those didn't air new episodes every week, though.

Now, even if you decide that, hey, WWE is fiction so it doesn't really matter, it's still not true, as other wrestling shows lasted longer.

If you want to limit it to nationally broadcast shows, Georgia Championship Wrestling/World Championship Wrestling/WCW Saturday Night aired nationally from TBS's satellite/cable debut in 1976 until the show's cancellation in 2000.  Raw still has over five years until it can touch that mark.

Chops to the Chest Are Banned. Sort Of.

One sudden Vince declaration during the last year was that he banned chops to the chest.  The logic behind it wasn't as out there as it is for some of his other decisions: The fans always respond with Ric Flair's falsetto "WHOO!", and reminding fans of him is bad since he's in TNA.

The exception, however, is pretty amazing.

Vince gave full permission for Yoshi Tatsu to continue using chops.

Why, you ask?

Well, as you may be aware, Yoshi Tatsu is Japanese.  Since he's Japanese, and therefore a martial arts master, Vince had no problem allowing him to continue to do chops.

Yes, really.

No Pronouns...or Else!

You may have noticed this one while watching WWE programming, and Mick Foley mentioned it in his latest book: The announcers never use pronouns to refer to the wrestlers.  They have to make sure to use the wrestlers' proper names.

Regardless of how a conversation is flowing and what sounds natural, you must stay on your toes and make sure to avoid use of pronouns.  If you use a pronoun, Vince will get REALLY angry and scream into your headset.

Nobody Can Be Named "Junior"

As you may know, Vince McMahon's father was also named Vince McMahon.  However, since Vince the elder was Vincent James McMahon and his son is Vincent Kennedy McMahon, the latter is not Vince McMahon Junior.

Still, when he was younger and working for his father, Vince K. McMahon was always referred to as "Junior" by wrestlers, office workers, etc.  He hated it.

This hate runs so deep that, once he bought out his dad, the living Vince refused to let any wrestlers who went by [Name] Jr. to keep it.

Dory Funk Jr. became Hoss Funk.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. became Chavo Guerrero and thus his father became "Chavo Classic" when he returned.

Rey Misterio Jr. became Rey Mysterio, even though Rey Misterio Jr. was arguably a better name with the "Junior" tying into his size.

Ted DiBiase Jr. somehow kept his "Junior" briefly before dropping it, and thus his father is now simply "The Million Dollar Man" when he appears.

Ricky Steamboat Jr. became Richie Steamboat when he was signed to a developmental deal and reported to Florida Championship Wrestling.

That's a lot of decades to hold onto something like that.

The Authorities

This one doesn't necessarily seem like a rule as much as how Vince really talks.  If someone else in WWE says it, you can tell Vince McMahon put the words in their mouth.

For whatever reason, Vince doesn't say "police" or "law enforcement."  They're always "the authorities."

During a heated discussion on Phil Donahue's eponymous talk show in 1992, Vince denied that he covered up child molestation by a WWE ring announcer by saying "If I saw something like that, I'd call the authorities!"

During his speech at the beginning of the ill-fated Chris Benoit tribute show, Vince pointed out that "The authorities are undergoing an investigation."

When defending WWE's drug testing program and suggesting stronger punishment for steroid users, John Cena told a UK Sun interviewer that "Any time somebody is busted in our system it's a 30 day suspension. You know what it should be? Call the authorities and have somebody f---ing go to jail."

CM Punk Only Looks Like CM Punk When He's in His Wrestling Gear

While it doesn't happen as much now, possibly due to his increasing influence, CM Punk still shows up in his wrestling gear much of the time, regardless of what he's doing.  Most memorably, when he returned eight days after Money In The Bank in July, he was in his wrestling gear.

Apparently, this is because Vince McMahon feels that CM Punk only looks like CM Punk when he's in his gear.  This is why he's dressed to wrestle during promos and whatnot where his peers are in street clothes.

I suspect this is far from the only time this has happened.  For example, during Ric Flair's first run in the company in the early '90s, he'd always be in his ring robe when he wasn't wrestling, as opposed to a nice suit like he wore in WCW or in his second WWE run.

It's one of those things that gets really distracting once you notice it, like how Flair always loses matches when he wears his red ring gear.

Call and Response

If you're trying to come up with a Monday Night Raw drinking game, how about instructing the participants to chug when a backstage interview (especially one involving a heel) goes something like this:

Josh Matthews: "Miz, how can you explain your actions here tonight?"

The Miz: "Explain my actions!?!?!!? [Explains his actions]"

It happens WAY too much to not be a Vince thing.

Blame Canada! Blame Canada! They're Not Even a Real Country Anyway!

Ever since the Montreal screwjob, WWE has had "issues" with Canada, partially due to the negative reactions Canadian fans have had to those involved with what happened (such as Earl Hebner and Shawn Michaels).

Several years ago, it got worse.

Vince McMahon decided that most of the Canadian wrestlers would be billed from new American hometowns.  Chris Jericho was billed from his birthplace of Manhasset, New York (where his father lived while playing hockey for the New York Rangers) while Edge and Chris Benoit were billed from their then current homes of Tampa, Florida and Atlanta, Georgia, respectively.

Christian, however, was still billed from Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

Canadian sports talk show host Michael Landsberg asked Vince at that time why Christian was the only Canadian in WWE still billed from Canada.  Vince said it was simple: Christian was a heel.

Yup, Vince thought that everyone (possibly including Canadians) hated Canadians like he did.

Meanwhile, Canadian fans also started to develop a habit of cheering heels and booing babyfaces.  Much of the the time the fans were just cheering Canadian heels and booing their opponents, but it did extend into other matches.

As a reaction to this, Vince started instructing the announcers (mainly Jerry Lawler) to start referring to Canada as "bizarro world," a practice that continues on and off to this day.

All Wrestlers' Billed Weights Must Be Real, Even When They Don't Make Sense

This is Vince McMahon's latest's lark, another "realism" kick.  He decided to go against most wrestling precedents and start having the wrestlers' real weights read by the ring announcers.

Not so bad in theory, right?

Well, there have been two problems so far:

1. They're still using fake heights.  While the heights aren't given during the introductions, there's still a disconnect there.

2. Before they clearly established which Sin Cara was which in the storyline, "his" weight fluctuated depending on which wrestler was in the gimmick even though we weren't supposed to know who was who yet.

I Want to Reach Out, and Touch the Flame, Where the Refs Have No Name...

This one may be done based on some recent angles, but it's pretty recent.  About a year or so ago, Vince McMahon decided that the referees could no longer be addressed by name on TV.

I don't think anyone ever mentioned a reason, it just happened.

Like I said, I believe that both Scott Armstrong and Mike Chioda got mentioned during the referee abuse part of the "WWE is out of control under Triple H" storyline, but otherwise, the announcers don't go out of the way to mention their names. 

As a result, I don't believe the younger, more recently hired referees like Justin King and Rod Zapata have ever been addressed by name on TV.

Poor guys.  Nick Patrick never get treated this way!

The Language of WWE

For years, there had been reports and speculation about exactly what words were officially banned from WWE television. 

In April, some of the questions were answered when a copy of "The Language of WWE," a guide meant for international WWE broadcast partners, was leaked to Bryan Alvarez of Figure Four Weekly.

As far as actual banned words go, here's what the guide said:

- "Wrestling" and "catch" (used in some European countries) are banned.  Instead, announcers should say "WWE."

- "Sports" is banned, with the proper terminology being "entertainment" or "action soap opera."

- "Wrestlers" and "catchers" are banned as well, with "WWE Superstars" being the proper replacement.

- "Athletes" and "sportsmen" are the biggest surprises on the banned list.  A suggested replacement is the sentence "WWE Superstars are entertainers with tremendous athletic prowess."

- The noun "fight" should not be used, with "match" and "bout" both being accepted instead.  This at least makes sense in context.

- "Fighting" bad, "action" good.

"The Language of WWE" ended with the following list of "key soundbytes":

- "WWE is pure entertainment."

- "WWE is an action soap opera."

- "WWE Superstars are entertainers with tremendous athletic prowess."

"Wrestling" and "wrestlers" were by far the least surprising entries on the banned list for obvious reasons if you watch WWE.  A whole column could be written about Vince McMahon and self-loathing tied around all this, but now is not the time.

Having said that, they've eased up on both in the last few months since CM Punk's push started and he started using both words in promos.

To me, the biggest surprise about the list was just how many expected banned terms were missing. This could come down to it being intended for international use and WWE just not wanting direct translations of anything on the banned list.

Maybe the following are just banned on the flagship English language broadcast and that's why they weren't on the above list, but there have been plenty of other terms that had been reported as being banned or seemed like they were banned based on observing WWE TV shows:

- "Woman/women" being replaced by "Diva/Divas," which might be proof that this is limited to words they don't want translated literally into foreign languages.  This is one of the longest running terms.

- "Fans" being replaced by "WWE Universe," even when referring to WCW fans in the '90s.

- "Belt" being replaced by "championship" even when awkwardly referring to the physical item.

- "Violent" and "violence" being replaced by "physical/physically instense" and "physicality" respectively.

- "Hospital" being replaced by "medical facility," though that may have been a Jim Ross term since he used it in WCW.

- "Police" and "law enforcement" being replaced by "the authorities" (see earlier slide).

Woman/women, belt, violent/violence, and fans all seem like locks to be actually banned.

"Diva" I sort of get for branding.  Banning "belt"is another "southern rasslin" thing as far as I know.

"Violent/violence" I get the reasoning behind, but the replacements sound too artificial.  "WWE Universe" reportedly came about because Vince finds "fan" to be offensive, I guess because it's short for fanatic.

Maybe Vince is really fighting for us when it comes to all of the banned words and we don't realize it.  He truly is a hero.  What would we do without him?