13 Odd, Funny or Excessive Pieces of Premier League Football Merchandise

One of the most frequent complaints we hear about world football is that it's just getting way too commercialized. The Beautiful Game has become a way to sell lots of stuff, and while it's expected that fans will pick up a kit or a scarf or a logo pint glass to show off their team spirit, some teams (and those who make retail items for said teams) are taking merchandising to the extreme, with kits for your dog, signature fragrance lines and, in the case of Brazilian football, condoms.

Today's slideshow is dedicated to the most outrageously excessive Premier League team store purchases. Because every once in a while, you find yourself walking into a team store and wondering, "What need would a person possibly have for a Bolton Wanderers egg cup?" 

Here are 13 totally WTF-inducing pieces of Premier League football merchandise. If you've found some equally bizarro team store goods, please share with us in the comments. 

'Grow Your Own Stamford Bridge' (and Other 'Grow Your Own Pitch' Seed Packs)

Also available in 'Grow Your Own Anfield,' 'Grow Your Own Old Trafford' and 'Grow Your Own White Hart Lane,' among others, this is one of those stocking-stuffer, swag-bag kind of gifts that will ultimately have small parts which break off/hurt when you step on them, not to mention the possibility of a very small and impressionable child just trying to eat the seeds.

Tastes like victory.

Chelsea FC Ice Scraper

Got a new driver in the family? Why not get them an ice scraper emblazoned with the Chelsea logo?

While we can't deny the importance of keeping an ice scraper in one's car at all times, nor can we stress enough the dangers of an icy car, we're just wondering who actually took the time to think of marketing ice scrapers with Premier League logos on them.

Manchester United Mr. Potato Head

Anyone else find this one a little bit creepy?

No? Just me? Alright then.

Everton Toast Stamp

With this lovely device, you can imprint this Everton logo into your toast.

Because sometimes you're hungry in the morning and you're like, "Hey, you know what would make this breakfast even more magical? If it had the logo of the football team I support imprinted into it!"

Suppose the 'EFC' toast stamp is still better than their original idea: a waffle iron shaped like David Moyes's face.

Liver Bird Loofah and Shower Set

It's nice to see Liverpool teaching kids about hygiene and showing respect to a great civic symbol, the Liver Bird, but who's actually buying the Liver Bird loofah?

Manchester City Reindeer Antlers

The reindeer antlers headband is already one of the most horrifically tacky holiday symbols, so there's really no reason to bring football into it. I wonder if City fans don these while singing carols for Sheikh Mansour (he buys top-flight Argentine strikers for all the good little Mancunian children of the world). 

Anyway, City aren't the only team which sells these things, but we're pretty sure wearing these automatically gets you put on the naughty list. 

Aston Villa Rubber Duck Bath Plug

The rubber ducky has become a popular souvenir item throughout the Premiership, but even though now it has a function with this bath plug, to add anything on to the rubber duck just feels a tiny bit excessive.

Norwich City Delia Smith Oven Mitts

Of course the Canaries had to have a product line dedicated to their celebri-chef shareholder. Among the items in the Delia Smith/Canary Catering section of Norwich City's team store are oven mitts, tea towels and aprons. Who said football and fancy cuisine can't mix?

Wallpaper

Like, real wallpaper. Not computer background wallpaper. That's normal. 

There's nothing wrong with showing off team pride with a poster or some tasteful prints or, in the case of our youngest fans, even a bedspread.

But wallpaper takes some serious commitment: it's a pain to take off/paint over, and once it's put up, fans will be faced with the logo of their team everywhere they look in that room. It just sounds overwhelming.

The Lawn Gnomes (Seen Here in Arsenal's 'Manager' Gnome)

What we found surprising isn't the fact that Premier League garden gnomes existed, but the fact that there were so many different designs.

In addition to the Arsenal gnome pictured on this slide, you can also find versions with a gnome sliding in a goal celebration, hitting a ball with his chest and the 'classic pose' gnome.

To the designers' credit, the gnome is making a rather Arsene Wenger-esque face.

The Manchester United Space Hopper

This one I could actually see fans maybe purchasing for the hyperactive football-loving kid (or adult with Peter Pan Syndrome) in their lives, but space hoppers are just kind of goofy and ridiculous and kind of fun for about five minutes before you decide it's too much effort anyway. 

Liverpool F.C. Signature Wines and Champagnes

Whether you're toasting a victory or drowning your sorrows, nothing goes better with a football match than a nice adult beverage.

The wines (which come in a nice Liverpool red along with white and rosé) are not officially licensed products of the club, but you can buy them through the team store website through a partner distributor. You'll Never Drink Alone.

Not to be outdone, Tottenham Hotspur have their own malt whisky.

The Tottenham Hotspur Wedding Garter

From the team store website: "Do you need something new or something blue for your big day? Or maybe you just want to spice up a special occasion with this Spurs garter."

Let's just hope you're not marrying into a family of Arsenal supporters.