The NBA All-Embarrassment Team

Many players have donned the NBA logo on their chest over the years. There have been all sorts of players that fall into different categories: one-tool, complete, role, legend, star, and superstar.

However, none of them are safe from the NBA All-Embarrassment team. In order to make the cut, you have to meet just one of the qualifications:

-Undeserving of an NBA uniform

-Plain stupidity off the court

-You are the victim of one of the most famous highlight reels of all time

-Your face is on wayyyy too many posters to count, and not in a good way

-You honestly look like the most un-athletic person on earth, and you run with your thumbs pointed up in the air

-You made one of the worst plays of all time

So, there are the categories that players will be judged on. Some of the guys who make the team will surprise you, some of them you should be expecting (like the guy in the picture...wait, but which one?). 

Beginning with the starting five.

Shawn Bradley (Center)

Considering he played for my team for the majority of his career, I still have nightmares of Tracy McGrady dunking on him during Game Two of the 2004 playoffs.  There has never been a player that has been the victim of monstrous dunks more than Bradley. On top of that, he was 7'6" and virtually sucked as a player. 

Something that might anger you if he ever played for your team, Kareem Abdul-Jabarr offered to teach him to sky-hook after he was drafted. Shawn Bradley told him no thanks—he didn't need it. 

Even more embarrassing, especially for white guys everywhere, he ran with both of his thumbs up in the air, and passed this trait on to other tall, goofy white guys on his team. Not cool Shawn, not cool.

Chris Webber (Power Forward)

This one may be a shock to some people who don't know the history of Chris Webber, so pay attention. He was the key member of Michigan's infamous Fab-Five in college.  Michigan had finally made it to the National Title game. 

With Less than a minute remaining, and Michigan slightly behind, the play happened. Webber grabs a defensive board, then turns around to make an outlet pass. Then, as he takes a step to make the pass—he decides not to, in which he blatantly traveled, but it wasn't called. So, Michigan fans think to themselves, “Sheeeewww, we got away with that one.” 

Not so fast Wolverines. 

Webber then dribbles the ball all the way down to the other baseline, gets trapped, and calls timeout. Big problem, THEY HAD NO MORE TIMEOUTS! This resulted in a technical foul, meaning free throws and the ball for the other team. 

Webber single-handedly made the most idiotic play in the history of college basketball.  This is why he's this team’s starting power forward.

Side note: Jimmy King, a member of the Fab-Five, was my next-door neighbor at the time, so I was heavily rooting for Michigan...I hate Chris Webber.

Bryon Russell (Small Forward)

Yeah, he played more shooting guard than small forward, but when you see who is the starting shooting guard for this team, you'll know why Russell is the SF. In what is one of the most famous plays, images, pictures, and shots in NBA and sports history—Bryan Russell is the goat. 

Game Six of the NBA Finals, Michael Jordan dribbles down the court with time running out. Bryan Russell, who has drawn the defensive assignment on Jordan, gets in position. Jordan, dribbles out some of the clock, then performs one of the sickest cross-over step-backs you will ever see, before swishing the title-winning shot with perfect form. 

At the time, this was the last shot that the great Michael Jordan was ever going to take in the NBA. It is still his last play in some people's minds. Russell was also the victim of a Jordan buzzer beater in Game One of the Finals the year before.

Craig Ehlo (Shooting Guard)

There was never a guy who got beaten down by Michael Jordan more than Craig Ehlo.  This goofy white guy, who was actually a pretty decent player, was Jordan's first real playoff victim. 

The most famous of his beatings of Ehlo was Game Five of the first round of the playoffs between the Bulls and the Cavs in 1989. This was back when Jordan and the Bulls had never won a playoff series in their history. Even the year before, the Cavs had dominated Chicago in the first round. 

However, in one of his most famous plays, M.J. dribbles to his left, with Ehlo guarding him, jumps, double pumps in the air a few feet in front of the free-throw line, and makes the shot, giving the Bulls their first series win. Jordan then gives about 30 fist pumps while the Bulls' announcer screams, "Bulls Win, Bulls Win!!!”  

Side note: Craig Ehlo never bought a pair of Air Jordans, drank Gatorade, wore Hanes, or watched Space Jam.

Nate Robinson (Point Guard)

Yes, the guy can actually play for being so small—and he can dunk. However, this is where he got himself into trouble and what landed him on this team. One of the most difficult things I have ever watched was seeing him attempt his last dunk about 74 times in the Slam Dunk Contest. 

He was a wonderful story up until that point, and everyone wanted him to win. Those last 74 dunk attempts were just terrible though. You get that embarrassed for him, feeling kind of like the feeling you get when you are watching the American Idol tryouts. 

I give him credit, the guy stuck to his guns, and he was going to finish that dunk. I just wish they could have edited out the first 73 attempts.

BENCH PLAYERS

Evan Eschmeyer (Center)

Basically, he is the downgraded version of Shawn Bradley—but about seven inches shorter. He is possibly the most un-athletic, goofy, white guy I have ever seen in the NBA. He also ran with his thumbs up like Shawn Bradley.

Side note: I thank the Lord every day that Shawn didn't pass that trait on to Dirk.

Chris Andersen "Birdman" (Power Forward)

This dude is 6'11" and also missed about 30 dunk attempts in one round at the dunk contest. Plus, he calls himself the "Birdman", looks retarded, and wasted part of his career by getting caught with an illegal substance. 

Roy Tarpley (Small Forward)

He could have been one of the cemented All-Stars of the NBA, but then he had a terrible drug problem—which eventually led to his banishment from the league in 1995.

Tim Thomas (Small Forward)

During the Western Conference Finals in 2005, Tim Thomas was playing some of the best basketball of his subpar career. He was helping the Suns stay afloat against the Dallas Mavericks. 

However, that is until he made a three-pointer in the first quarter of Game Five, then blew a kiss at Dirk Nowitzki as a timeout was called. Dirk decided to put a 50-spot down on Thomas and the Suns that night and eventually won the series in six games.

Steve Kerr (Point Guard)

This is mainly because of his nerdy and dorky announcing that he has brought to television during NBA games. It can also be found on the video game NBA Live. There is no escaping it! 

Side note: He once got in a fight with Michael Jordan in practice. 

So, if you don't agree with his announcing, his trying to fight M.J. during practice should be enough. I'm tempted to even make him a starter. Oh yeah, and he made about nine threes in the fourth quarter to rally the Spurs put on my Mavs in the Western Conference Finals about five years ago, in what was a series-clinching game. He is never coming off this team.

So there you have it, the NBA All-Embarrassment team. Hopefully, none of them played for one of your teams. But if they did, then this article could sort of serve as therapy.