Larry's Losers in the SEC, Preseason Thoughts on Each Team and Predictions

Larry Burton (Syndicated Writer) Hello out there all you fantastic fanatical fans of football frivolity. Can you believe it's almost that time of the year again?

Well the staff here at Larry's Losers, that would be me and Bacardi the Wonder Dog, are thinking of experimenting with a new media and style this season, a video slideshow.

But the proud prognosticatin' and sometimes precocious pug is downright camera shy and may prefer to do his deliberate due diligence from behind the camera.

Even though we finished ahead of any other print or broadcast media in our picks of SEC losers, holding up a solid 87 percent accuracy rating, there's always room for improvement and another piece of chocolate pie.

If Ole Miss hadn't peed their pants and wet their musket powder so often last season, picks would have been even better last year. Those rascally Rebels cost me two perfect weeks until I finally gave up on them and my own proud pack of pachyderms practically pelted me with three unexpected losses.

But that was last year and now we're ready to decipher the dangerous doings of college football once more.

Here's are mine and the pigskin pickin' pooch's thoughts on each SEC team and a way too early gander into the old crystal ball to predict how it all may wind up.

But this is just the preseason issue and minds may be changed after the pads get popping.

(Larry's Losers is a weekly article during football season that intentionally uses slang and colloquialism)

The SEC East: South Carolina Leads This Pack

South Carolina looks to repeat as the leader of that pack, but it ain't a pack that packs too big of a punch.

The SEC East is simply the least of the beast this year, and overall it's a pretty down year for the whole bunch.

Look for another SEC Championship meltdown from the boys in the East.

South Carolina should have another good year overall and should show up in Atlanta for what could become the traditional December beatdown.

The Old Ball Coach's Chickens should be 8-0 until they start tangling with the big boys in the Western half of the old SEC.

Arkansas should hand them a loss and Clemson might give them a game, but they could very well wind up the regular season with another 10-win season and a nice bowl game to attend.

But that don't mean that the Carolina Cluckers won't have their chickens choked in the end.

Following the SEC Championship beatdown, they may just lay another bowl egg like last year.

Final tally could be 10-4 to 11-3.

The Georgia Bulldogs

If Mark Richt's seat gets any hotter, his credit cards will soon start melting, but with a SEC East that's down this year, it's his chance to finally look good. But then it's easy to look pretty when you're standing in a room full of uglies.

An 0-2 start won't help the conviction in the canine confidence department, but easy wins against Coastal Carolina and Ole Miss will have them back at .500 before the second wave of beatings commence.

Mississippi State should put a hurtin' on them, but then Tennessee and Vanderbilt provide some much needed reassurance and wins before facing Florida.

That game will decide second place in the SEC East, and I think that the dog pull that win out and go to 6-3 with high hopes for a big finish.

New Mexico, Auburn and Kentucky could just do that, and now they're at 9-3.

Now comes the last regular-season game against in state rival Georgia Tech. Ten wins and the heat's off Richt, at least for this season. Lose to Georgia Tech again, and it may or may not be the final straw.

If he loses the game to Tech and the bowl game and finished at 9-5, he could go either way in keeping his job.

Floridia Gators Can't Get Traction in the Swamp Mud This Year

The 2011 edition of the Florida Gators will debut with new head Gator wrangler Will Muschamp in the Swamp.

With easy pickin's the first two games against Florida International and Alabama/Birmingham they should saunter up Smoky Mountain way at 2-0.

This game could decide the third place position for the SEC East this year, and I believe the Gators are up to the task in this one.

With that said, they should also beat Kentucky before having the Crimson Tide show up at the Swamp and leave with a bunch of Gator skin boots.

And with that beating still on their minds, they'll swim on down to the other SEC swamp country where the survivors from the Alabama game will be skinned for more Gator skin accessories.

That'll leave 'em at 4-2 at this point, then they'll regroup and take an Auburn team in rebuilding mode. This one could be close, but I don't think they'll lose three in a row, so now they're 5-2.

From here they'll lose to Georgia, beat Vanderbilt, lose to South Carolina, beat Furman and then lose to Florida State.

That's a 7-5 regular season and about average for a first-year coach. The Gators are gonna have better days, but this season ain't full of many of them.

Tennessee Still Looking for Good Volunteers

Derek Dooley last year won the "So Close, But So Far Away" award from the staff here at Larry's Losers. Their six-win season coulda, shoulda been an eight-win season as they thought they had won both the LSU and North Carolina games, only to see the opposing team get one more shot at winning it and doing so.

If Dooley can persuade a few more volunteers with four or five stars to make Hardknoxville their home, they could be something in a year or two.

Until then, they're just gonna have to wait and blame the last two administrations there.

Here's the likely breakdown of wins and losses...

Montana - Win

Cincinnati - Win

Florida - Loss

Buffalo - Win

Georgia - Loss

LSU - Loss

Alabama - Loss

South Carolina - Loss

Middle Tennessee - Win

Arkansas - Loss

Vanderbilt - Win

Kentucky - Win and they make the Weedwacker or some such bowl with a 6-6 record.

Even though he's gonna finish about where he did last year, Dooley's still improving the team.

Kentucky Kitties, Make Mediocrity Marvelous

When you set low goals you are rarely disappointed, and Joker Phillips and those Kentucky Kitties aspire to make a bowl game each year and lately they've met those expectations.

This could be a tougher year with so many of those Wildcat playmakers having paraded away from the pride.

Things will look peachy for a while as they go 3-0 early in the year against three cream puffs named Western Kentucky, Central Michigan and Louisville.

Then the SEC schedule starts, and they lose to Florida, LSU and South Carolina. Then they pick up an easy win over Jacksonville State before facing Mississippi State and Ole Miss that could be losses.

An easy win over Vanderbilt gets them back to 5-5. They're oh so close to getting that No. 6 win but losses to Georgia and Tennessee leave them home for holidays for the first time in a while.

Though they may get No. 6 over Ole Miss, this could be a tough year in Kittyland and Larry's Losers predicts a 5-7 year.

Vanderbilt, Poor Vanderbilt

Why try and do an analysis here? You and I both know the Commodores will suck this year. With the rarest of exceptions, they suck every year.

This year Vanderbilt may win a game over Elon, (who in the heck is that anyway?) and they may have a shot at Wake Forest, otherwise, it's just another Vandy kind of year.

I mean, when your highest expectation for football season is that vendors won't have stale buns for the hot dogs, why bother with an analysis of football talent?

SEC West: Alabama, Home of High Expectations

They say an elephant doesn't forget, and I hope that's true and the pigskin pachyderms remember how foolish they looked in those three losses last season.

Ringmaster Nick Saban hopes the elephant parade simply runs down the throat of opposing teams this year and both rings up the scoreboard and runs out the clock.

Because if that can happen enough, that defense is gonna take care of the rest.

This is a year that Alabama could—and I expect them to—run the table and play for another BCS Championship.

But that ain't to say that there ain't some land mines for the herd to step on if they aren't careful. There's a lot of talent in the SEC this year, and the one thing history teaches us is that any given Saturday, you can be beaten up and have your dreams shattered.

Let's see if they can avoid that.

LSU and the Marvelous Miles Magic Marches on

There's an old expression that says it's better to be lucky than good, but LSU seems to have both those things sewn up again this year.

Les Miles has gotten more mileage from that rabbit's foot than the Michelin Man gets from a set a tires, but then he keeps the talent level so high that when luck ain't running his way, the athleticism on the grass he's so fond of eating can bail them out.

If LSU survives the way I think they will against a tough opener with Oregon, then Alabama is their only other game that may prove to be a stumbling block on the road to another SEC Championship and more.

If Jordan Jefferson plays lights out without a mistake, they could go undefeated, but Bacardi and both see an 11-1 record in their future and they fall one game short of another miracle season.

Mississippi State, Dan's Doggies Decimate All but the Best in the SEC

Folks, it gets tougher here, to figure out the middle of the pack of the SEC West, but Dan Mullen's Mississippi mutts ain't misfits no more and they have the teeth to bite all but the biggest boys in the SEC.

Third was a hard place to figure, but I see eight sure wins for these Bulldogs while I only see seven sure ones for the Hot Springs Hoggies, so I figure if they split they close ones, these tail waggers will finish one game ahead of the Hogs and take third.

Chris Relf is gonna be a surprise slinger this year, and the dogs defend the goal line like it was their favorite bone.

They should finish the first half of the season at 5-1 with a loss to LSU and wins over Memphis, Auburn, Louisiana Tech, Georgia and UAB.

The second half could see a loss to South Carolina, wins over Kentucky and Tennessee Martin, a loss to Alabama, a toss up to the Hoggies that I think they'll win and end of the season giving Ole Miss a good old-fashioned Mississippi mashing.

That's a 9-3 season and third place in the SEC West in my book as things stand now.

Arkansas, Was Supposed to Be a Big Deal but Became the Ho Hum Hogs

This was supposed to be a great team this year, but with the No. 1 running back going down, the rise of other SEC teams and a tough schedule, there's not going to be a lot happy hogs by season's end.

First of all, the loss of their top running back won't help the Hogs new quarterback and the rise of Mississippi State just works against Hot Springs Hogs.

After a 3-0 start, the Razorbacks may think they have something for Alabama, but they end up the main course in a Tuscaloosa barbecue.

Texas A&M will be a fine battle, but I see the Pigs coming up short in this one too. Now they're just 3-2.

But fortunately they then play Auburn, Ole Miss and Vandy before getting gang tackled by the Gamecocks from Steve Spurrier's roost. Now they're 6-3.

Them Smokey Mountain men volunteer to help the Hogs win column to get that seventh win before the finish on a down note losing to Mullen's mutts for Mississippi State and then to LSU for a 7-5 season-ending tally.

Auburn, the Fall from the Top Is a Long One

Auburn will find like Alabama did last year that there's nowhere to go but down once you've been to the top, but Chizik's cat show falls further than most this year and has the honor of beating out Ole Miss for the bottom of the barrel.

These cats are gonna have to scratch and claw their way through this season just to try and knock some poor schmuck out of the Weedeater Bowl or some such bowl.

The only sure wins I see in store for these sore Eagles are Utah State, Florida Atlantic, Ole Miss and Samford.

To get to a bowl game, they're gonna have to beat one of the close opponents like Clemson, Florida or Georgia, 'cause they ain't got the claws to deal with Mississippi State, LSU, South Carolina or Alabama.

If they make it to worst bowl there is, it will be a good year for the former champions. Larry's Losers expected finsih? 5-7.

And Then There Is Ole Miss, in an Old Mess

Say what you will about Ed Orgeron, but he left some talent at Ole Miss that Houston Nutt used well in his first year there. With most of that gone, we see the mess that is left at Ole Mess, uh, I mean Ole Miss.

They brought up the bottom of the barrel last year in the SEC West, and they may do it again this year. Look for Nutt's back pockets to start warming up if they do.

This year they've got extra creme on a creme puff heavy schedule, and Southern Illinois, Vanderbilt, Fresno State and Louisiana Tech should give them those those sugar rich wins.

But BYU, Georgia, Alabama, Arkansas, Auburn, Kentucky, LSU and Mississippi State are all gonna give 'em a good what for and they'll end up 4-8 with one SEC win.

And That's It

Let me know in the comment section what your season-ending predictions may be.

Larry Burton is a Syndicated Writer whose work appears on the Internet and in print. If you'd like to keep up with all his articles, follow him on Twitter and sign up as a fan on his Bio Page.

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