The 25 Dumbest Ideas in Sports History

I have come to believe that sports fans love having something to complain almost as much as they love having something to cheer for. Each year, for example, I tend to pick a player or two on my favorite teams who I absolutely despise and force into the scapegoat role.

This year, it was J.C. Romero on the Phillies, or as my friends and I called him, "Just Cry" Romero, because his appearances caused Phillies' fans tears.

Thankfully, sports offer a multitude of traditions and rules that—and I'm trying to be eloquent here—really, really suck. I think I've identified 25 of the worst offenders, though we both know you'll be the judge of that.

(I should mention that these deal mostly with either the games themselves or their coverage, and don't get into more serious matters, such as the color barrier in baseball or the rampant use of steroids. Those things unquestionably sucked, but this list is a bit more cosmetic in nature.)

Honorable Mention: The Designated Hitter

I mostly watch the National League, so I don't really care what they do in the American League.

Do I think pitchers being forced to hit is a purer version of the game?

Yes.

Have I also always enjoyed that the two leagues have different styles of play?

Yes.

As you can see, I have mixed feelings about the DH. But I prefer to watch the league that doesn't incorporate it.

25. Strange Hockey Markets

I'm still not sure why there is hockey in California, Florida, Phoenix or Nashville. But if the people in those cities enjoy it, power to them.

They shouldn't have hockey at the expense of good hockey towns in Canada, however.

24. Marlins Sell Excess “Roy Halladay Perfect Game” Tickets

After Roy Halladay threw his perfect game against the Marlins last year, Florida's front office had a brilliant (really, really sad) idea: Why not sell all of the tickets that weren't bought at face value so people could have a piece of history?

Seriously, they actually did this.

Here's the key paragraph:

"

The White Sox and Athletics did something similar for the perfect games pitched by Mark Buehrle and Dallas Braden, respectively.

"

Yes, those teams sold the tickets to the perfect games thrown by their own pitchers. But the Marlins were so hurt for cash that they decided to profit off of an opposing pitcher who threw a perfect game against their team!

And what's worse is that people actually bought the damn things. Why would you want a ticket to a game you didn't actually attend in person? So you can lie and say you were actually there?

And don't give me the "It's a piece of history" mumbo-jumbo—a ticket is only truly a piece of history if you used it to get into the game yourself.

Otherwise, it's just a flimsy piece of cardboard.

23. The “Half-the-Distance-to-the-Goal” Penalty

This is a rule I've never understood. Let's say you are on your own 12-yard line, and you get flagged for a 15-yard penalty. Since you can't have the full 15 yards marked off without winding up in the end zone, you are penalized half the distance to the goal, or six yards.

So why not move the first-down marker back the remaining nine yards, meaning that instead of having to get to the 22-yard line for a first down, a team has to get to the 31? You still go toward your own goal line, but you also get punished the full amount of the penalty.

This makes sense to me.

22. Shootouts in Soccer

I understand that the game needs to eventually end (otherwise it will be strange and long, like cricket).

But after two teams battle it out for 120 minutes, it seems inappropriate to end the duel on the ever-fickle penalty kicks.

To me, it would be like ending a baseball game after 15 innings by staging a home run derby. It just sounds blasphemous, right?

Why not just make all overtime sessions after the first two sudden death? Would that encourage teams to play overly cautious and drag the game on forever? Or would they try to end the game and open things up more?

I don't know. But there must be an alternative to penalty kicks.

(For the record, having a shootout after overtime of regular season hockey doesn't bother me in the least. The losing team is still guaranteed a point, and they scrap the system for the playoffs, so I don't really mind it.)

21. ESPN's Interactive Tuesday

I'm not sure if you can see the name of the commenter at the top of this page, but let's just say the part of his name before Larry rhymes with "Slim Bob."

This was one of the gaffes ESPN experienced when they experimented with scrolling polls, viewer comments, etc. over their Tuesday broadcasts of college football and basketball games.

If you've ever found yourself staring longingly at the serrated edge of a steak knife after reading the comments section on your average web site, imagine those dumb comments scrolling in front of your screen while you tried to watch some basketball. 

Infuriating.

20. USFL

The USFL only lasted for three seasons, because the league simply didn't make money.

I think this is the most telling piece of information about the USFL—they sued the NFL in an antitrust case, claiming the NFL was a monopoly and won the case. However, the jury awarded them a whopping $1 in damages, which became $3 when tripled under antitrust laws.

They won a $1.69 billion antitrust case against the NFL, and pocketed a cool three bucks.

Ouch.

19. A Lack of Computer Verification for Offsides

There are certain rules in sports where a necessary level of subjectivity makes the game more fun, such as the strike zone in baseball.

But often, relying on human judgment to make the offsides call in soccer can be absolutely heartbreaking. So far as I can tell, computer detection systems for determining whether players are offsides do exist.

So why not utilize them? The game suffers when goals are disallowed that were perfectly legal. After all, it's hard enough to score in soccer without the linesmen conspiring against you.

18. Sideline Reporters and Halftime Interviews

Let's be honest—nobody ever learns anything of value from sideline reporters. They repeat information (such as injuries, field conditions, etc.) that the booth guys could easily relay, coaches and players speak to them in annoyed cliches to hurry the interview along, and with a few exceptions, the people who perform the task are really annoying.

For every Erin Andrews, there is a Craig Sager, Tony Siragusa and Eric Dickerson.

It's time to put this tradition to rest.

17. FoxTrax Glow Puck

Watching the damn glow puck was akin to watching the Tron lightbikes.

In other words, no thanks.

16. The Wave

If you want to do the wave, go to a damn concert.

If I'm at the ballpark, I'm trying to watch a baseball game, because I paid good money to watch a baseball game.

Every time you stand up in front of me while waving your arms in the air and giggling like a teenager experimenting with marijuana for the first time, just know that I am planning your demise.

Friends don't let friends do the wave.

15. The NFL Banishes Group Celebrations

The "No Fun League," indeed.

No more "Ickey Shuffle." No more "Bob and Weave." No more fun between teammates.

Let's put this in perspective: A player can run around the field and make stupid gyrations in excitement after they make one measly tackle.

But a team can't celebrate together after they all contributed to scoring a touchdown?

How does that make any sense? Seriously, I just don't get it. To me, it's less sportsmanlike when one guy goes crazy doing a celebration then when a team gathers to do one together.

Plus, group celebrations can be so awesome.

14. The Super Bowl Halftime Show

Listen, I know that the women and children think this is fun and cool and what have you.

"Ohmigod, my favorite pop group, Flavor of the Week, is performing the Super Bowl Halftime Show! They are, like, the most talented dancers and lip syncers ever. And they're so hot.

"Plus, they are going to do a super-awesome collaboration with The Strumming Corpses, who are still touring even though the band members are all over 75 and have to bring ventilators on stage.

"OMG I'm totes going to DVR this so I can call Becky over and we can just watch it over and over and over again! I'm going to scream in excitement like a savage warrior now!"

During the halftime show, I normally hit the head, gather more food and beer, and stake my claim on prime seating by the television. There's no time for silly music, I have a second half to prepare for!

13. Vuvuzelas

I even found this "Discovery News" story on Vuvuzelas to be really annoying. Mostly because they just came to the startling realization that Vuvuzelas are so annoying because they are really loud.

Uh, thanks for the deep scientific analysis there, guys. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go watch some Bill Nye and actually learn something.

Subjective Sports Lists

Everywhere I turn I see a proliferation of subjective sports lists. Top plays of the day, hottest vegan soccer WAGs, six packs of "Cold Hard Facts," 10 reasons why Randy Moss will moon everyone when he gives his Hall of Fame speech, etc.

I mean, who does this sort of thing? Do we really need more lists in life? I feel like I can't go 10 minutes without seeing some sort of sports list. Sports are fun to debate about, we get it—we don't need to be bombarded with them.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to remove my editor's shoe from my ass.

12. AstroTurf

AstroTurf, NexTurf, whatever the case may be, playing on anything but natural grass made the ligaments and muscles of many athletes ache and tear throughout the years.

Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia was particularly renowned for its concrete-like turf, and the Eagles were once forced to cancel a preseason game against the Ravens in 2001 due to horrific turf conditions.

Use grass, man—it's natural.

11. The NFL Pro Bowl

The NBA, NHL and MLB have something going for them that makes having an All-Star game logical: They don't need to be played with a lot of contact to be entertaining. Even in hockey, you can remove the hitting and it is still semi-watchable.

And because of this, you can also hold the event in the middle of the season without major injury concerns.

Such is not the case for the NFL. When you take the intensity and physicality out of football, it becomes really lame. And the game is now played one week before the Super Bowl, which adds absolutely nothing to the experience except keeping the players from the Super Bowl teams out of the game.

Awesome.

By the end of the season, the last thing NFL players who have been battered and bruised through a full season want is to have to throw their bodies around in some stupid exhibition game. Besides, the only people who watch the Pro Bowl are degenerate gamblers and people with Vitamin D allergies.

Get rid of the Pro Bowl—it's stupid!

10. Ball Night at Dodgers Stadium

Aug. 10, 1995—We now begin the "dumbest promotions ever" portion of the program.

This game was cancelled in the ninth inning after fans started throwing the giveaway baseballs on the field.

This idea is as dumb as it would be to give away free snowballs to Giants fans.

9. 10-Cent Beer Night in Cleveland

June 4, 1974—Bring one dollar, drown yourself in beer.

How could anything bad happen here?

Fans in Cleveland that night stormed the field, attacked the visiting Rangers who wielded bats to protect themselves, and forced the Indians to forfeit the game.

And people say Philadelphia fans are bad...

8. Disco Demolition Night, Comiskey Park

July 12, 1979—The video sums up the event pretty nicely, so be sure to watch that.

I've been waiting for "Boy Band Demolition Night" for years now, but precedent suggests I'm out of luck on that one ever happening.

Darn.

7. Luxury Boxes and Personal Seat Licenses

Hey, why not continue to price the average fan out of attending the games they love?

Ridiculous.

And on the luxury-box front, if you want to watch baseball with all of the comforts of home, watch baseball AT HOME!

Real fans sit outside, order some hot dogs and beer, and scream and holler during the game. If you are wearing a suit to a sporting event, you are missing the point.

Go be seen at a high-end restaurant, not at a sporting event.

6. Slamball

Not even Gus Johnson could make this seem cool, and that's saying something.

To be clear, what that is saying is, "Man, Slamball really sucked. Hard."

5. Four NFL Preseason Games

Sure, NFL teams never play their stars for the entirety of any preseason games, and often the superstars only appear in a quarter or so.

And yes, this is because teams are terrified that players will be hurt and miss time in the regular season during preseason games.

Plus, most fans don't really care about the preseason games, unless they want to get a look at draft picks and younger players.

But hey, you know what? Let's have four of these games anyway and force season-ticket holders to purchase preseason tickets.

Hooray for NFL owners, who continue to find creative ways to print money!

4. XFL

Vince McMahon's silly attempt to create a football league was awful. Just awful. The rule changes were tacky, the quality of play was uninspiring, and the entertainment value was nonexistent.

Listen, if you are the sort of person who prefers "AND1" Mixtapes to the NBA or the remake of "The Longest Yard" more than the original, you probably loved the XFL.

For the rest of us, it was pure malarkey.

3. The Decision

We all know that this story was covered until it reached "beating a dead horse" status. And then the media turned that dead horse into glue, which was then used to paste together a construction-paper version of a horse which was subsequently beaten and eventually burned.

What I'm trying to say is that people talked about "The Decision" a lot, in case you didn't catch that.

For the record, I never really cared where LeBron went (though I do think he lost alpha points, and made the wussier decision). It's his life. But the narcissism and self-important spectacle that LeBron and ESPN crafted was a disaster.

Now let's all move on.

2. The BCS

There is one aspect of the BCS that (barely) keeps it from being the dumbest thing going in sports today, and that is the fact that it keeps the regular season really exciting.

Plus, a playoff only shifts the argument about who deserves to earn a chance to win the championship. For example, if you do an eight-team playoff (six BCS conferences, two at-large bids), imagine what sort of fuss the ninth and 10th teams are going to make if they are left out of the playoff.

We are going to have to accept that subjectivity will always rule the day in college football, even with a playoff system.

But college football deserves a playoff, because I think we would all prefer to see as much settled on the field—and away from computers and the bias of voters—as possible.

1. Determining Home-Field Advantage at the All-Star Game

Sigh.

Why would you determine anything of importance for the postseason—ANYTHING—based upon the results of an exhibition game?

Listen, I wouldn't decide between putting mustard or ketchup on a hot dog based on the result of the All-Star Game, let alone which league gets home-field advantage for the World Series.

Give it to the team with the best record in the regular season. And keep the All-Star game the way it is—as a meaningless exhibition that is fun for kids and people who are so bored they also watch the ESPYs the next night.

Be sure to hit me up on Twitter (@TRappaRT) along with the entire B/R Swagger team (@BR_Swagger).