College Football 2011: Call Letters for Potential New Team TV Networks

With the current discussion regarding ESPN’s new Texas Longhorn Network and rumors that Notre Dame will follow suit with their own television package the concept of start-up individual team TV networks seems to be en vogue.

Indeed, you have to believe that if Texas can work out their issues successfully then having your own network will be the next fad in college sports (following such trendy crazes as the “coach in waiting” scheme and declaring independence from the greedy paws of a conference).

Practically speaking, before these new gridiron (yeah, they’ll be other sports too) channels can hit the airwaves they’ll have to be given names and call letters so they can be identified by the FCC, Cable/ Satellite Providers and anxious viewers nationwide.

To help this provocative process, the following slideshow offers 44 cutting edge suggestions for call letters for new networks for a wide array of institutional athletic programs and, as a bonus, the FBS conferences.

ANBCN: Notre Dame

The Adios NBC Network

The launch of the Fighting Irish TV package will spell the tearful end to Notre Dame’s lucrative and cheesy relationship with NBC.

WWSNYN: Texas

The We Won’t Suck Next Year Network

The Longhorns, in a somewhat motel worthy relationship with ESPN, have already named their network but I like this one better…

OAILN: Texas Tech

The Only Available in Lubbock Network

In a tale that’s unbelievably sad but oh so true, the Red Raiders would have difficulty generating much interest in a Scarlett and Black only network outside of the Texas Panhandle and possibly the Dallas Fort Worth Area.

Regardless, I’d be the first subscriber from Ohio’s fertile Miami Valley.

TCTV: Florida State

Tomahawk Chop TV

Not much to say here, the classic chop can be mildly annoying (unless the Seminole’s are winning big at home…against your team) but it’s one of the more impressive sights in college football and hence we honor it here (with FCC approval).

THE Football Network: Ohio State

THE Ohio State University would no doubt have THE Football Network (and cover other Buckeye sports under its far-reaching, money laden umbrella).

Alternate selections for Ohio State are YCEATN (the You Can’t Erase a Tattoo Network) and BBRRN (the Bring Back Rich Rod Network).

FFTV: Arizona State

Fear the Fork TV

It’s a new uniform, it’s a new slogan and it’s a new network!

MTN: Auburn

The Money Trail Network

Well, I’m not saying…I’m just saying.

WDTWN: Boise State

The We Deserve to Whine Network

The boys in blue (on blue) absolutely take care of business on the field but will somebody please stop the moaning madness!

WFCFN: Rutgers

The We Founded College Football Network

Rutgers is where our great game started back in 1869.  Does anyone else think it’s extremely cool that the program where college football felt the pangs of birth still plays in a BCS AQ conference?

IUSBCAN: BYU

The Independent Until Something Better Comes Along Network

The football Cougars will be conference-less in 2011 but you have to figure that eventually they’ll hook up with an affiliation that will give them the coveted AQ status they richly desire (and absolutely deserve).

WHSS-TV: Alabama

We Hope Saban Stays TV

Oh Nick, you have a wandering heart…and I think it’s safe to say that the loyal legions of Crimson Tide fans hope your roaming days are over.

WWINN: Oklahoma

The We’ll Win in Norman Network

The Sooners haven’t dropped a game at home since 2005, though they may lose on the road but it’s not likely you’ll see them suffer a defeat in Memorial Stadium anytime soon.

QUACK: Oregon

The Ducks call letters are fairly self-explanatory but wouldn’t you love to see “QUACK” on your cable/satellite program guide?

ACCCCC: Virginia Tech

The ACC Coastal Champions Channel

 The Hokies have won all but two of the ACC Coastal titles since the conference expanded and divisional zed back in 2005 and Virginia Tech doesn’t look to be abdicating their throne anytime soon.

IFN: LSU

The Inebriated Fan Network

Though these call letters might seem like a cheap shot (which I obviously am not opposed to) it’s actually a compliment to have the LSU network named for its throng of well lubricated fans…they make a difference, especially at home and especially after the sun goes down.

Alternative selections for LSU are VOODOOTV (that Voodoo that Les Miles dos), CMTV (Clock Management TV) and GETV (Grass Eating TV).

WHOOP-TV: Texas A&M

Aggies do like to “Whoop” which has some questionable connections with their enthusiastic exclamations of “Gig ‘Em!”

 The correlation betwixt the two should remain an Ancient Aggie Secret.

HHN: Georgia

The Historic Hedges Network

You can be a Georgia hater (or perhaps it’s the entire SEC that turns you off) but the Bulldogs have the best shrubs in the history of college sport.

HORNY-TV: TCU

Horny Toad TV

Great school, great call letters and (not unlike a blue field) they’re sure to get you noticed.

COTCN: Nebraska

The Children of the Corn Network

In honor of the flock of dedicated, hard core Husker fanatics we proudly present the COTCN, destined for 100 percent subscription rates in the great state of Nebraska.

RSPN: Arkansas

The Razorback Soo-Wee Pig Network

Arkansas doesn’t plan on returning ESPN’s attorney’s phone calls regarding their call letters…

COCKS-TV: South Carolina

A natural choice for a school that claims what may be the best mascot in all of college football (plus, they have a Cock-a-boose at their tailgate, check it out, it’s the bomb).

MTTV: USC

Men of Troy TV

The Trojans L.A. address makes MTTV the perfect selection for USC, even though Lane Kiffin pushed hard for the network to be called LKTV (insert sarcastic facial expressions here).

DTN: Stanford

The Dancing Tree Network

The singularly spectacular Cardinal is usually complimented by the somewhat unsettling appearance of its frolicking tribute to trees, and so we honor it here.

TBP-TV: Oklahoma State

T. Boone Pickens TV

Few programs’ have a better benefactor than Mr. Pickens and what better way to pay tribute to a guy who believes in a university enough to empty his own wallet.

TOTV: Army/Navy/Air Force

Triple Option TV

The Service Academies turn the key on a military academy only network, providing the viewer a forum in which to watch disciplined young men precisely run the triple option down a wide array of opponent’s mouths.

This is another channel to which I would subscribe.

BBBC: Wisconsin

The Beer, Brats and Badgers Channel

Another self explanatory tribute to everything that is right about America.

JPN: Penn State

The Joe Pa Network

Enough said.

PPTV: Pittsburgh

Pitt Panther TV

Call me immature, but I just like the way “PPTV” rolls off my tongue (and I can just see my parents rolling their eyes).

ELLA: Michigan State

East Lansing Local Access

Michigan State is a team that I personally like but still, doesn’t it just totally suck to be the “other” BCS-AQ team in a big football state?

CBN: West Virginia

The Couch Burning Network

An accolade for fans that love their team enough to knock back a few cold ones and torch their own furniture…that’s hard to beat!

THEUTUBE: Miami

The “U” on the Tube, it just makes sense.  It’s almost as cocky as THE Ohio State but it has the benefit of making reference to a bunch of video clips of varying levels of quality and interest (which may hit the nail on the head for describing all these networks).

GBN: Florida

The Gator Bait Network

Come one! Come all! Watch Florida turn their opponents into Gator Bait…and then talk about it incessantly.

OSHN: Michigan

The Ohio State Haters Network

Never in my life have I witnessed such delicious disdain as in the case of the Michigan fan’s attitude towards the dastardly Buckeyes.

It’s hate, abhorrence, disgust and loathing that should be celebrated as long as there is a gridiron upon which to settle the score.

WSNSN: PAC-12

The We’re Still Not the SEC Network

Newly expanded, larger than life but come on man…you’re still not the SEC.

WDEG-TV: WAC

Where Did Everybody Go TV

The WAC suffered the loss of Boise State to the Mountain West for 2011 and next year they’ll wave farewell to Hawaii, Nevada and Fresno State.

The WAC has been jilted more times than Brett Favre and the Judds have retired (combined).

TDN: SEC

Total Domination TV

You may not like it, but it’s true.

HC-WHCGN: Big Ten

The Holy Crap! We Have a Championship Game Network

After years of three-way ties and BCS bids based on helmet stickers the Big Ten boys will have to play for a right to attend the big money dance.

Yes, they already have their own network with the call letters BTN, but this suggestion is highly superior for very obvious reasons.

NBCSAQN: Mountain West

The Not a BCS Automatic Qualifier Network

Perhaps, as rumored, it will happen at some point in the very near future, but for now the Mountain West is NON AQ and therefore one loss away from sitting out of the “showcase showdown of college football.”

SHTW-TV: Big East

Somebody Has to Win TV

The conference that has no frontrunner has its own home on TV, the only thing left to decide is whether or not to change the call letters when TCU hits town in 2012 (perhaps WKHT-TV, or We Now Have TCU TV is a possibility).

OWTT-TV: Conference USA

Old WAC Teams TV

There have been so many shifts amongst the Conference USA, Mountain West and WAC that it’s difficult to keep track of who is where, for me the biggest challenge is separating who used to be in the WAC and is now in the C-USA.

These call letters reassure the fan that he or she isn’t alone in their confusion; perhaps it’s more of a public service than a TV network.

SECNCON: Sun-Belt

The SEC Non-Conference Opponent Network

Yes, it’s the Sun Belt Conference, the one stop destination for all your SEC non-conference scheduling needs!

MOF-TV: MAC

Michigan Ohio Football TV

Nine of the 13 members of the Mid American Conference hail from either Ohio or Michigan, making the conference a co-joined Siamese state affair (with extra appendages provided courtesy of Illinois, Indiana, Pennsylvania and New York).

VTWWN: ACC

The Virginia Tech Will Win Network

Because at the end of the day it’s the Hokies that have captured four of the last seven ACC football titles.

WOBN: Big 12

The We Obey Texas Network

Tragically (and regardless of the fact that they have their own network), the University of Texas manages to continue to exercise its tight control on the Big 12, right up to dictating the name of the affiliation’s TV network.

The only good news is someone in College Station vetoed “DD-TV” or DeLoss Dodds TV…