Possible Reasons Why Bill Belichick Wants Albert Haynesworth

What?  Big Bill wants Albert Haynesworth on his team?  The creator of the Patriot Way wants the biggest anti-Pat of them all...say it isn't so!  Well, it is, and there's no going back, at least for the time being.

So what makes the the master of discipline suddenly take on one of the biggest headaches in the NFL? There has to be a reason, or several of them.

These are solely my thoughts on the subject and I am unaware of anyone else that has published anything similar.  This is also the product of too little sleep and too much caffeine and nicotine. 

Continue at your own risk (of wasted time) and don't say I didn't warn you.

Reason No. 5: Keeping Busy

Maybe Big Bill just likes a little extra on his plate to make the days go by.  Think of past seasons.  Corey Dillon, Randy Moss, Bryan Cox, that kid they drafted back in the 90's who was jettisoned a few days after the draft and probably a few more I'm missing. 

One man's headache is another man's project. One coach's bust is possibly a different coach's key to a championship. Or a fractured and disgruntled locker room.

Reason No. 4: Pouting for Practice

This one hit me this morning as I was awakened by an evil blue jay whose entire existence is devoted to annoying me.  He also has anti-BB radar, That connects the evil bird to my silly list of reasons.

Belichick believes he can get Mr. Haynesworth to do his pouting in the middle of the practice field.  That can do nothing but help build agility in the other players, as they have to navigate his circumference without touching him to finish the drill.

If they bump him, they have to start over, after apologizing and then fanning him with palm leaves for 10 minutes.

Reason No. 3: Cheeseburgers

As we have all been repeatedly sermonized about Belichick's value system regarding performance for price, here is another way Big Bill might have justified paying a guy who has quit on his team several times and otherwise would only ever see the visitors' locker room. Workin' for burgers.

I bet Big Bill might have done an analysis on what it costs the kitchen at Gillette to make a quarter pounder with cheese.  I'm sure it is less than a dollar at the quantity we're talking about.  Millions of 'em...that man likes his burgers.

Surely that love of flame-broiled cow had nothing to do with his failing a conditioning test nine or ten times last season  His contract would probably cost the Patriots about a third less if they pay him in burgers instead of dollars.

Reason No. 2: Scan the Papers

Bill is a busy man.  He has a whole football team to run, practices to oversee, drills to watch, and decisions to make on who stays and who doesn't.  That doesn't leave a lot of time to read the news. 

We've all heard about Haynesworth reading a newspaper during team meetings.  Maybe BB thought his new lineman could screen the news for him, saving him precious time by picking out the articles he needs and trashing the rest. 

I bet it doesn't work out: who would want to read only about Albert Haynesworth, other than Albert Haynesworth?

Reason No. 1: Keeping Warm on the Sideline

I know most of these possible reasons to sign Haynesworth are kind of stretching it a bit, just a bit.  My last thought about this is how cold it can get in New England during the winter months?  BB isn't getting any younger and maybe the cold bothers him a bit more now than in his younger days. 

What could be warmer than having Albert Haynesworth give you a bear hug from behind while standing on the sidelines during a snowy day in January?  Especially if it only costs a few million cheeseburgers?

That's it, that's all I have. Don't be too hard on me, I'm just one more Pats fan who has no idea how this is going to end.  I have a feeling it will end quick and ugly.