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Arsene Wenger: He's Sacked, Now You're The Gaffer (Humor)

Mary O'SheaNov 3, 2008

So Arsenal have suffered three defeats at the hands of the mighty Fulham, Hull and Stoke and draws that shouldn't have been against Sunderland and Tottenham.

Many fans have questioned what has happened the Gunners, is it inexperience or lack of depth in the squad?

Nope, quite clearly it is because they persist with Basil Fawlty on the sidelines.

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Yep, after 12 episodes of running a pretty crap hotel he turned his hand at football management with AS Nancy, AS Monaco, Nayoga Grampus Eight and some club in North London called Arsenal FC.

And I bet yee all wondered where good old Basil went, eh?

It has been quite clear since he started in 1984 that managing football teams was not for him. However, being the man he is, he persisted and in a late April's Fool Joke was awarded a contract by the board of Arsenal FC in 1996.

Oh, how the joke has backfired on the team from London.

Since then, this inept manager has won the Premier League three times, finished runner-up five times and has never finished outside the top four. To add to the embarrassment he has won the FA Cup four times and was runner-up once. Dare I add the awfulness of reaching two European finals, the UEFA Cup in 1999-00 and Champions League in 2005-2006.

To top this all off he struts around the club as if he was one of the club's best ever managers!! Can you imagine? Jeez you'd swear he went through a whole season unbeaten or something!!

So it seems as Basil's (or Arsene as he likes to be called now - Arsenal/Arsene wouldn't you think he'd be a bit more creative?) crazy management may be coming to an end.

You see he has not won a trophy in three years and seems unable to put together a team that can compete with Chelsea and Manchester United.

Surely any muppet with the magical £30 million could do that.  Surely!

I hear Chelsea and Manchester United have been hit by the global recession and may only have around £70million to spend in the Christmas shopping window.

So, it is indeed time for this excuse of a manager to return to hotel management which leaves a vacancy for celebrated managers like you (see what I did there - hotel ... vacancy? nevermind).

So you are the manager, dear readers of Bleacher Report. It is so very obvious what is wrong with the Arsenal squad but Basil couldn't see it and had to go.

Here's the squad:

Manuel Almunia
Abou Diaby
Bacary Sagna
Cesc Fabregas
Kolo Toure
Samir Nasri
William Gallas
Robin Van Persie
Carlos Vela
Theo Walcott
Denilson
Aaron Ramsey
Alexandre Song 
Mikael Silvestre 
Jack Wilshere 
Johan Djourou 
Lukasz Fabianski 
Gael Clichy 
Emmanuel Adebayor 
Nicklas Bendtner 
Emmanuel Eboue 
Francis Coquelin 
Kieran Gibbs 
Gavin Hoyte 
Henri Lansbury 
Fran Merida 
Mark Randall 
Jay Simpson

Pretty awful you'd agree, 2 star at best!

So managers, who's in and who's out?

Remember you have that massive pot of gold, £30 million, to play with.  Bear in mind, however, that it includes signing on fees for those out of contract.

So choose wisely my friends, you must challenge for all four trophies ... but sure who can be much worse than Basil Fawlty?

P.S. Of course you can't change it now, the transfer window is not until January but Arsenal fans are a patient lot, they don't expect things changed right away. Do they?

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Please note no abusive phonecalls were made from comedians to Fawlty Towers' actors in the making of this article. 

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