Chelsea FC: A Breakdown of the Blue's Preseason Games

Ahh...the summer! Time for the beach, BBQs and preseason soccer. OK, so maybe the last one doesn't exactly remind you of the best season of the year. But, nonetheless, it is important to every team in Europe, and even more so to a team like Chelsea.

With a new coach who will implement a new system and more than likely with a whole new cast of players, it is crucial that the kinks are worked out in July and August before the games that count begin.

As much as we like to think that sport is pure and the preseason is all about getting better, it's not. This is also a chance for the teams to do some marketing for themselves and help make their shield a worldwide brand. Man U isn't a recognizable jersey on all seven continents just by luck (and yes, I mean seven. I was watching the Animal Planet show "Whale Wars" and one of the Sea Shepard's was wearing a Man U shirt).

And for the players it is not only a time for work, but also play. They will sight see, party (hopefully not too much), and relax in luxury before they meet the grueling schedule that is European soccer at its highest level.

This year, Chelsea will be taking their talents to South East (get it?). And by South East I, of course, am speaking about in relation to the world map (this is the world's game after all), in Malaysia and Thailand.

So, without further a do, here is the most in depth analysis of the Chelsea preseason schedule you will see anywhere...

7/16 vs. Portsmouth

Before Chelsea departs for the Far East, they will head south to the seashore to face domestic rivals Portsmouth.

After being relegated from the EPL following the 2009-10 season, things looked like they couldn't get any worse for the south shore team. Well...they did. Last October, management announced the club would be shut down and liquidated.

Despite that, they managed to finish middle of the table in the Football League Championship and stave off relegation.

With the game a little over two and a half weeks away, the sides both teams field will be rather dull. Some of the older veterans may not even make the trip and most new signings won't have arrived at the club yet.

This game will probably just be a means for the younger guys to get some playing time. For the older lads, it will give them a chance to shake off the cobwebs. Any signings that happen within the next week or two will probably put on the Chelsea blue for the first time there as well.

I tried to do some research on the match, but couldn't really find any. That tells you a lot about this game right there.

7/21 vs. Malaysia XI

After that muggy trip to the channel, Chelsea are off to the Far East, making their first stop in Malaysia to play the Malaysia XI.

The Malaysia XI are a team "formed by the top players in the Super League Malaysia. Some of the players are mainly from the Malaysia national team." (Thanks wikipedia, couldn't have said it better myself).

The stars will be on this trip for the beaches, beautiful scenery and exotic women. They will play in the game because they are being forced to as ambassadors for the club.

Everyone in Portsmouth can name the Chelsea players and have already seen them hand their team their a** multiple times. This is a chance for the Malaysian fans who are loyal, even tens of thousands of miles away, to have the same pleasure.

Beyond the field they are also planning on honoring their "commitment to grassroots football and community work in Asia." This translates into Abramovichian as "let's take all the good Malaysian's before they go to stupid Man U."

Should be a fun game to watch as the young guns will be looking to impress and the older gents showing off.

7/24 vs. Thailand All-Stars

Chelsea will make a short trip north for more of the same as they face off against the Thailand All-Stars.

With only three days rest, this game will really be a test of their endurance, strength and ability to perserv...sorry I can't do it. I thought I would make it through without stopping and realizing the bunch of bull I was writing, but as someone who believes in truth in journalism, I had to stop.

The script here will probably be an encore performance of Chelsea vs. Malaysia. I can already see Villa-Boas standing before the team for a pregame talk:

"Alright guys, here we are. It is our time to prove that we, this group of 20 players, 12 of which are hung over, this club whose owners worth approaches this countries GDP, are going to go out there and do our best...not to get hurt."

All joking aside, by this time Chelsea should have some of these rumored mega transfers signed and hopefully they will get their first meaningful exchanges with their new teammates and start building that ever so important on-field chemistry.

7/27 vs. Kitchee

Finally, we will actually see some meaningful soccer. That's right boys and girls, it the first game of the 2011 Barclays Asia Trophy!

According to the official Chelsea website, Hong Kong is their first chance to bring home some real silverware. And who wouldn't want a chance to have something that looks like it could be presented to the winner of Mortal Kombat adorning their mantel?

Chelsea captain John Terry sure would. He showed his fondness for the trophy when speaking about winning it back in 2003:

"It was special at the time, obviously looking back now at what we've done it loses its significance and rightly so, but if there is a trophy to go and win, then we want to win it, and that's preseason as well, regardless of how big or how small it is. As a player you always want to win games, and that's no different so we'll be going to Hong Kong again this time to win."

Well said J.T. Very diplomatic for a guy who perused around with another man's girlfriend. Then again, sexual escapades like that seem to be prerequisites for a political career nowadays.

Any who, this game does have some significance in there actually is something to win. Maybe it's not the Champions League, but it is a close 12th. And these guys are competitors. It will probably be the hardest game they play thus far.

7/30 vs. Aston Villa/Blackburn

After a grueling two weeks playing some of the stiffest competition the Easter Equatorial region of the world has to offer, Chelsea finally gets a break playing someone who also doesn't care in either Premier League sides Aston Villa or Blackburn.

Those two teams will play off in the other semifinal for the most prestigious trophy Hong Kong has to offer in late July.

To win this game it all starts the night before, and I don't mean by a good sleep. I am assuming that both teams will be staying near the stadium and probably the same hotel, which means they will all go to the nearest bar/club the night before in order to make curfew. Now it just becomes a matter of how many of your opponents you can get more drunk than you.

The game could be potentially very dull. It's nice to win a trophy, but neither side really has anything to prove and are much more concerned about the league that starts in just under a month. The game will mostly be used to work out the players and maybe feel out a little bit of each other for the season.

8/06 vs. Rangers

After three weeks in the hottest and stickiest place on earth, Chelsea gets to cool down in Glasgow with a final tuneup game against Rangers.

The season is too close now to be fooling around and this game is too close to London to risk playing poorly.

By this time, the team that will be fielded opening day will be all but set. The transfers are in, the sales are out and the youth have either made the cut or been sent back down for more work.

Villa-Boas will have to pick carefully as not to risk injury against a nationality that doesn't know how to shut off the overdrive mode. An injury here would be just plain foolish.

Rangers are also getting ready for the start to their season as well, so both sides are wary of the consequences. But at the same time, no one wants to go into the first game riding a loss.

The last opportunity for youngsters and guys on the fence is always fun to watch. They will play their hardest trying everything they can to impress the new boss.

When all is said and done, we will have the 2011-12 Chelsea FC.