Husker Hotwire: Pre-Season Polls Are the Best! (Humor)

(Roy Helu, previewing Athlon's preview ranking of Nebraska in their 2011 preview)

 
Right about now is the Hotwire staff's favorite time of the year. Not because the staff has any great love for grilled hot dogs (stomach issues), early-season baseball (zzzzzzz) or girls in bikinis (as mandated by the court-ordered sensitivity training sessions). But now is the time where the college football preview magazines start coming out, including their preseason predictions. Athlon is first out of the block, picking Nebraska as 10th in the country.

Exactly what is this based on? Spring games, where many impact recruits haven't arrived on campus, and many coaches use more as talent evaluation rather than actual competition? Last year's performance, based on a team composition and chemistry that will be wildly different than the previous year? Amorphous cliches about head coaches who "know how to win" and "are great motivators for young athletes" or other nonsense used to cover a lack of actual knowledge?

Pretty much. Which is why the Hotwire loves this time of year. Usually, the Hotwire staff feels vaguely guilty about their obvious lack of knowledge and shockingly-low work ethic preventing them from improving their knowledge even a little. Generally, the sometimes-weekly Hotwire is produced by trolling through Google and hoping to squeeze out a few paragraphs about some vaguely-interesting topic about which the staff knows almost nothing.

So, for these few blessed weeks when the college football preview magazines come out, the Hotwire is just like everyone else.

NEBRASKA NON-FOOTBALL NEWS

 Nebraska not-football coach Mike Anderson was fired from his job with the baseball program this week. When Anderson took the job in 2002, he made five regional tournaments, had Nebraska host three super-regionals and got them to the College World Series in 2005. Much of that success was with the players recruited by former Nebraska not-football coach Dave Van Horn, who left for Arkansas.

In the last three years, Anderson's teams failed to qualify for the Big XII postseason tournament. In which eight teams participate. In a 10-team baseball league.

Surprisingly, Anderson's firing was a surprise to many Nebraska baseball fans, who expected Nebraska athletic director Doctor Tom Osborne to give Anderson one year in the pillowy-soft BeeOneGee baseball conference.

Many Nebraska baseball fans believe the next non-football coach to arrive at the baseball program will be Brian O'Connor, who is a native of Council Bluffs (not in Nebraska) and who played for Creighton (which is not Nebraska). O'Connor currently is the head not-football coach at Virginia, which is a higher-rated program than Nebraska, which plays in a much better conference than the B1G, which is in a warmer area and has a much better recruiting base to work from. So, the press conference announcing O'Connor's return (well, not really return, since he never played for NU) to Nebraska any day now.

BEEONEGEE CONFERENCE UPDATE

 We at the Husker Hotwire are committed to bring you continuing coverage of Nebraska's new opponents as NU prepares to enter the B1G Conference. Buckeye Hotwire reports that Ohio State players selling their memorabilia for cash or services wasn't limited to Terrelle Pryor and the Tattoo Five. Given the amount of scandals surrounding Ohio State football, Buckeye Hotwire is also taking applications for legal interns to help the staff understand all of this non-football related news they've been forced to cover. Unpaid, of course.

AROUND THE HOTWIRE NETWORK

 Trojan Hotwire reports that the NCAA has denied USC's appeal, and the Trojans will remain ineligible for postseason play in 2011 and will lose 30 scholarships. Buckeye Network reports their staff is jealous that the USC scandal story is now pretty much over and Trojan Network can get back to reporting on football. And Lane Kiffin, which makes Buckeye Network staff members feel better.

Mountaineer Hotwire reports that Dana Holgorson, West Virginia's offensive coordinator for 2011 and head coach for 2012, was "escorted" out of a casino at 3:00 a.m. after "inappropriate behavior," which the Hotwire cannot at all confirm included being "blindingly drunk," or "unbelievably loud and belligerent," or "having a remarkably uncomfortable job title."

BC$ Hotwire reports that the Fiesta Bowl has requested a number of politicians return the money that the "charity" improperly donated in the first place. Should that strategy successfully get the Fiesta Bowl out of trouble, BC$ Hotwire staff plans on writing a lucrative book on how to beat a bank robbery charge by sending the stolen money back with a heartfelt "I'm sorry" letter.

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