WWE Raw Review: May 16, 2011

Hello Folks! Welcome to the best Raw review on the Internet. Raw came to us from San Antonio, Texas last night and now the shameless self promotion is over and done with, let the analysis begin!

Cena started off Raw by shouting at the camera; “Welcome to the Alamo!” Although I could have sworn he said “I look like Elmo!” But before he had a chance to go through with his usual cringe-worthy routine, Alex Riley saved us. I know it’s not Jericho, but at least it was something.

A video package of all the times Miz has owned Cena was showed and then he arrived. The way The Miz walks to the ring—he just has that Superstar aura about him. If you have read my past few reviews, you’ll have noticed I’m developing a bit of a man crush on The Miz. I can’t help it—I just see him becoming the next Rock.

Alex Riley was entertaining on the mic this week. It was like he’d been on a crash course on how to successfully do promos over the weekend. Cena attempted to be funny but it came across as childish...at first. It caught me off guard because of the generic childish taunts he did to set up this baby, “I’m The Miz and I don’t need testicles!” Touché Cena, touché.  

The Raw GM chimed in and said The Miz could choose the opponent and stipulation for Cena’s match. He didn’t say who or what it would be at first. I’d have chosen Hell in a Cell for the simple fact that it wasn’t there. Can you imagine? I’d just love to see the face of the person in charge.

CM Punk decided to lead by example by having a match with Kofi Kingston. There was one point in the match where Kofi did his absolute best to work the crowd up and I’m not exaggerating—you could have heard a pin drop. It was like they had all fallen asleep. Granted, it wasn’t the best match but it wasn’t a snore-fest!

Punk won with the GTS, much to his group’s delight.

Kelly Kelly faced Brie Bella next and I was looking forward to this match—simply because I knew Kharma would show up. She has reignited my intrigue regarding Divas matches. I bet she’s stopped at least 50% of people going to the toilet during these 30 second cringe-fests. I say that, but I enjoyed the Divas match this week—Kelly Kelly won with a very good roll up pin.

Kharma showed up and the Bella twins attempted to hit her but Kharma was having none of it and one of the twins ate canvas—almost literally, it looked like such a harsh landing. She then flicked Kelly Kelly’s head just like she did with the doll in her vignettes. Maybe this is an even bigger arcing storyline than we first thought?

Rey Mysterio came out to confront R-Truth about the attack last week. He spoke in half Spanish (was it Spanish? For all I know it could have been some indigenous language) Alberto Del Rio turned up instead. I wish he’s stop turning up in cars. We get it Del Rio, you’re rich—send some this way, I need it more than you.

They argued in their own language, and Del Rio mentioned being full-blooded. Is he auditioning for the part of Lucious Malfoy? Get a grip, Del Rio.

An impromptu match began and Del Rio took the advantage before going to the break and had it after. He went to rip off Mysterio’s mask! What a winner! So Mysterio exposed half his face before being distracted by R-Truth who was up in the stands shouting at him—calling him a thief for stealing his spot last week.

This didn’t stop Rey Mysterio eventually gaining superpowers and going for the 619. Ricardo stopped it and caused the disqualification. Del Rio continued abusing Mysterio and when he left, R-Truth made his appearance felt. He did his STO and left Mysterio for dead. OK it wasn’t that bad, but you get my point.

Truth is turning into one of the best heels of the twentieth century—a sadistic, unpredictable psycho. Ok, that was another exaggeration in the space of 2 sentences but why not?—it’s a Tuesday. In all seriousness he is fast becoming one of my favourite characters.

Kudos to the guys dressed as officials on the front row. I salute you!

The contract signing between Cole and King followed. Contract signings always kick off...

Cole signed, then King signed. However, King apparently didn’t read the fine print and now we have a ‘Kiss My Foot' match on our hands. Way to go Lawler. How long have you been in this game and you didn’t even read the bloody contract properly!

Cole’s foot looked like someone had sprinkled it with paprika and black pepper.

Cole then inadvertently denigrated Jack Swagger by saying that no-one remembers him as World Champion. As much as I hate to agree with Cole, he is kind of right. The microphone then went all funny when Swagger tried to speak, so for those who didn’t hear this is what he said;

“He’s all yours King. Good luck Sunday”

And he walked off into the sunset, scowling like his dog had just eaten his homework.

After Cole had been deserted he spent the remainder of the night apologising to King. This looks like it will be the end of the angle now Swagger’s gone. Hopefully they won’t stretch it out even longer.

Otunga and McGillicutty faced Kane and Big Show next in what was an OK match. It just followed the common tag team formula. Beat someone down until it looks like they’ll lose then let them make a tag to their well –rested partner. Well Kane was that well-rested partner and he was on fire (excuse the pun)

However, a distraction by Nexus caused Kane to eat Punk’s boot and McGillicutty won with a neck-breaker. Oh yeah, you read it correctly—a neck-breaker. I know he’d just been booted in the temple but I mean...come on.

They had an interview after the match where they said it wasn’t their night but they would not lose on Sunday against Punk and Ryan.

Cena bumped into Zack Ryder on his way to his match! WOO, WOO, WOO, you know it! What a winner.

The Miz announced a ‘No Holds Barred’ match. Swagger attacked Cena and was announced as his opponent.

“Let’s Go Cena”, “Cena Sucks” chants started. One was two octaves lower than the other. I’ll let you figure out which one.

Swagger was dominant. He drove a chair right into the back of Cena, Swagger bombed him with a chair and Superman just kept kicking out!

Swagger dived at Cena but went headfirst into the chair he’d propped between the ropes. Swagger then did the impossible and cut off the SuperCena finisher! He wasn’t so lucky the second time around however, and succumbed to the STF.

Miz then cut a final promo about all the things he could do to make Cena say "I quit", and he also said he had a trick up his sleeve for Sunday.

“I could ram you again and again and again, until you couldn’t stand up”

I’m not joking those were his actual words. Won’t somebody please think of the children!

Nevertheless, after destroying a camera, he attacked Cena with a pipe, until Cena became truly angry, cleared the ring and cut an awesome promo to end the show. I seriously don’t know where he got it from.

All in all it was a very good Raw this week. Matches and stipulations were announced for Over The Limit and the card isn’t looking that bad. I thought it was a very smooth show and I wasn’t left bored once. San Antonio might as well not have turned up. Raw has my seal of approval this week. Well done Raw, well done.

If you disagree with any of my comments or just want to voice your opinion please feel free to in the comments section below. I always reply to all comments as you well know.

Thanks for reading!