Dallas Mavericks Are Absurd, Messing Up Basketball Universe

I'm as big a supporter and fan of the Los Angeles Lakers as anyone else in Tinseltown, but my reaction tonight is neither anger, nor frustration. They got outplayed fair and square. So, rather, it's one of...well, what's that word when we encounter absurdity? It's that.

Because the Dallas Mavericks are a lovable bunch, a group of harmless career losers who are down on their luck. I'd love to see them win it all. But they won't—because the Dallas Mavericks are downright absurd.

I see some folks reading this scratching their heads. The hardwood preacher raises his voice and his hands. God ain't in control of the affairs of professional basketball because the affairs of men and angels are the focus in this universe. Just take a walk down the Old City of Jerusalem and see for yourself.

So, we are left with random results, and we live with them.

A: Dallas Mavericks, beating the San Antonio Spurs at the height of their power, on the road in Game 7 in overtime in 2006! Before their character flaws reveal themselves and allow Shaq to bandwagon for a championship, on a much inferior Heat squad that didn't even have home court advantage. Which is totally absurd and goes against what should happen, which is that taking the easy road shouldn't be rewarded. Like Payton and Malone in 2004. But, it did for Shaq. Why didn't the 67-win 2007 Mavericks, who lost to the silly eighth-seeded Warriors, show up in 2006 so that San Antonio can take care of the Heat? Because the Mavericks are absurd.

B: Dallas Mavericks, without Caron Butler, beating the Los Angeles Lakers in 2011 without home court advantage, before the same character flaws will reveal themselves and allow Lebron James and Chris Bosh to bandwagon for a championship. Why didn't the 2010 Mavericks, who lost so pathetically to the Spurs, show up in 2011? Because the Mavericks are absurd.

C: Kobe Bryant robbed of his "Jordanesque" years of highest level basketball (27-32) by a Jordan Farmar-tipped pass that mangled his right pinkie for life and a Jason Kidd-tipped pass that mangled his right index finger for life. Already disadvantaged with smaller hands than Jordan, Kobe's shooting becomes erratic, stops hustling for loose balls and innovative plays at the hoop that require control of the ball with one hand (a Jordan staple) are deleted from his arsenal.

He adjusts somewhat, sure, and remains the best player in the league until 2011, but he also fails to will a championship in 2008 Finals. His shooting percentage was near 50 percent before his index finger got busted, reflecting that perhaps he can draw near Jordan's level if healthy and the first option on a 60-win team. But we will never know.

D: As a basketball fan, I would love to see the Bulls face the Thunder in the 2011 Finals. Two young, rising stars in Rose and Durant who didn't pull a LeBron and quit their teams to take the easy road to success and get rewarded for it. Rose and Durant are the only links this next generation will have to the likes of Jordan, Magic, Bryant and Duncan. But you know what? The absurdity of the Dallas Mavericks will ensure that won't happen.

So here we have the Dallas Mavericks, messing up the basketball universe, because it isn't in sovereign control of a higher power. The harmless, bumbling, homely Mavericks. Great city. A bunch of decent folk (except Deshawn Stevenson, who is an anathema of a living organism).

Tyson Chandler is a soft and skinny, hard-working center, with the comical character flaw of looking like he wants to burn down the building as vindication of a lifelong existential struggle, after every spoon-fed dunk or layup. Jason Kidd is that sneaky trickster who takes shortcuts and gets away with them, but you can't hate him because he's a Hall of Famer who got overwhelmed in 2002 and 2003 by the Spurs. Peja, who can't hurt a butterfly. Dirk, the epitome of absurdity, a seven-footer with an unstoppable jump shot, who falls short every time he should succeed (2006 Finals, 2007 first round, 2009) and who succeeds when he shouldn't be (on the road: 2006 Conference Finals, 2011 Conference semifinals with an injured Butler).

The Dallas Mavericks. It's like watching The Office. I'll still be tuning in out of morbid curiosity to see what new sorts of meaningless cosmic matter they churn out.

And for the beloved Lakers and Spurs, we have the end of two dynasties and the end of the post-Jordan age.