2011 NFL Mock Draft: Who Would Al Davis Select with the First 10 Picks? (SATIRE)

The Oakland Raiders don’t have a first round pick in the 2011 NFL Draft.

That’s a crime.

We as fans are being robbed of the comedy Al Davis’s first round picks provide.

So, I’ve decided to let him take over the first 10 picks of this year’s draft.

It’s only fair, right?

1. Carolina Panthers: DeMarcus Van Dyke, DB, Miami

Jamie Sabau/Getty Images

COLUMBUS, OH - SEPTEMBER 11: DeVier Posey #8 of the Ohio State Buckeyes battles with DeMarcus Van Dyke #8 for possession of a pass at Ohio Stadium on September 11, 2010 in Columbus, Ohio. The pass was incomplete. (Photo by Jamie Sabau/Getty Images)

Speed is king.

If your team is fast, you are going to win a lot of ballgames.

That’s Al Davis’s mantra. So, it’s only fitting that the No. 1 overall pick in the 2011 NFL draft is the player who turned in the fastest 40-yard dash time at the NFL Combine.

2. Denver Broncos: Cam Newton, QB, Auburn

Joe Robbins/Getty Images

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - FEBRUARY 27: Cam Newton passes the ball during the 2011 NFL Scouting Combine at Lucas Oil Stadium on February 27, 2011 in Indianapolis, Indiana. (Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images)

The Broncos need defense badly.

So, it’s only logical Al Davis would draft the No. 1 QB in this year’s draft.

Hey, if your defense is bad, you need to score more points. It’s as simple as that.

3. Buffalo Bills: Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama

Joe Robbins/Getty Images

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - FEBRUARY 27: Running back Mark Ingram of Alabama looks on during the 2011 NFL Scouting Combine at Lucas Oil Stadium on February 27, 2011 in Indianapolis, Indiana. (Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images)

The Bills have a lot of holes that need filled.

So, naturally, it’s time for another luxury pick in the first round.

The Bills don’t even need Al Davis drafting for them to make a bad choice.

Just look at last year’s draft, when they took C.J. Spiller in the first round.

4. Cincinnati Bengals: Jimmy Smith, CB, Colorado

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BOULDER, CO - NOVEMBER 07: Wide receiver Jeff Fuller #8 of the Texas A&M Aggies makes a reception against the defense of Jimmy Smith #3 of the Colorado Buffaloes during NCAA college football action at Folsom Field on November 7, 2009 in Boulder, Colorado

O.K., Al, you are running a team that has several players with character issues and off-the-field problems.

Who are you going to draft?

Another player with off-the-field problems, of course.

That’s a no-brainer.

5. Arizona Cardinals: Patrick Peterson, CB, LSU

Joe Robbins/Getty Images

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - MARCH 1: Defensive back Patrick Peterson of LSU works out during the 2011 NFL Scouting Combine at Lucas Oil Stadium on February 28, 2011 in Indianapolis, Indiana. (Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images)

It’s time to get some more speed back into this draft.

So, it’s time to draft Peterson, who clocked in with the second fastest 40 time.

What? This pick actually makes sense?

Well, even the blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes.

6. Cleveland Browns: ...

Donald Miralle/Getty Images

18 Nov 2001: A close up of Owner Al Davis of the Oakland Raiders looking on during the game against the San Diego Chargers at the Network Associates Coliseum in Oakland, California. The Raiders defeated the Chargers 35-28.Mandatory Credit: Donald Miralle

Al? Al?

You there?

Oh no, I think he fell asleep…

7. San Francisco 49ers: Delone Carter, RB, Syracuse

Andy Lyons/Getty Images

CINCINNATI - OCTOBER 30: Delone Carter #3 of the Syracuse Orange runs with the ball during the Big East Conference game against the Cincinnati Bearcats at Nippert Stadium on October 30, 2010 in Cincinnati, Ohio. (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images)

Davis snaps out of his nap just in time to nab Carter.

He has Carter ranked highly on his board because he went to Syracuse.

Syracuse also happens to be Davis’ alma mater.

8. Tennessee Titans: Ryan Mallett, QB, Arkansas

Matthew Stockman/Getty Images

NEW ORLEANS, LA - JANUARY 04: Quarterback Ryan Mallett #15 of the Arkansas Razorbacks looks to pass against the Ohio State Buckeyes during the Allstate Sugar Bowl at the Louisiana Superdome on January 4, 2011 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Matthew

Davis loves the long ball.

Mallett has the biggest arm in the draft.

It’s a match made in heaven.

Never mind that the Titans don’t really have a deep threat at the WR position, with Kenny Britt being more of a possession receiver.

9. Oakland Raiders (From Dallas): Julio Jones, WR, Alabama

Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

TUSCALOOSA, AL - NOVEMBER 26: Julio Jones #8 of the Alabama Crimson Tide reacts after a long reception against the Auburn Tigers at Bryant-Denny Stadium on November 26, 2010 in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

It’s only natural that Davis would want a pick for his actual team.

And it’s only natural that Davis is going to select another wide receiver with great speed.

10. Washington Redskins: Marvin Austin, DT, North Carolina

Streeter Lecka/Getty Images

CHAPEL HILL, NC - NOVEMBER 7: Marvin Austin #9 of the North Carolina Tar Heels looks on during the game against the Duke Blue Devils at Kenan Stadium on November 7, 2009 in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. (Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)

Mike Shanahan hates guys with big contracts.

How’s he going to feel when Davis drafts him a guy who will probably be making less in the NFL than he did in college?

Davis won’t be able to pass up the chance to stick it to his old AFC West rival.