College Basketball: Separating the Big East Conference's Private Sector Schools

This article was originally posted on Chicago Sports Noise.

Just in case you didn't hear any snide remarks at your place of employment today such as, "Did you hear DePaul won yesterday?" or "Does this mean we have to start listening to Macy Gray again?", now you're covered.

Yes, DePaul won a Big East game. On the road. For the first time since March 6, 2008.

The truth is, I cannot write anything about the actual game considering I watched about five possessions of the entire thing. I know this probably solidifies me as a lesser fan than most, but this game showcased two of the worst teams in the Big East mixed in a sloppy, dogged affair that was being analyzed by two women. Not that I'm sexist or anything, but when is the last time you saw two females broadcasting a male sporting event that wasn't syndicated by a high school radio station?

It was as if ESPN2 decided to air this game, which is puzzling in its own right, and then they couldn't even drag a loser like Jimmy Dykes (no pun intended) to voyage outside Providence to analyze it. Not to mention, the Bulls were on, the Shore was coming up, I had a few eps of Hawaii Five-0 DVR'ed (shout out @UnclePdog)—you get where I'm going with this.

Even though I didn't watch the game, seeing DePaul and Providence battle it out for the Big East basement got me to thinking how far some of these teams have fallen.

Look past the top half of the Big East, and you will find some schools with reputably high levels of basketball prestige growing mold at the bottom of the Big East standings. For example, DePaul, Providence, Marquette and Seton Hall all find themselves in the bottom half, and without taking into account Steve Lavin's revival of this year's St. Johns team, the Red Storm would be right alongside them.

How did these private institutions come so far so fast? It's simple.

They are smaller market, private schools that simply cannot compete with the 16-team royal rumble that is the Big East Conference basketball season.

A lot of times you will hear people rave about how tough the Big East is.

Congratulations, you have just proved the most glaringly-obvious point since the Scott Peterson trial.

Of course it is! You have 16 teams including UConn, Georgetown, Pitt, Villanova, Louisville and Syracuse. That's not a conference schedule, it's a preseason top 25 tourney year after year. The glory days for the "Altar Boys" (DePaul, Marquette, Seton Hall, Providence, St. Johns) were all during a time when they didn't have to face the bigger state schools of the Northeast, at least not in conference play.

Although this is of course just a hypothetical, I figured why not put all the well-to-do Catholic/Roman Catholic/I don't know the difference schools from east of the Mississippi in one league.

Genius, I know.

It's like the Catholic league of the NCAA. And better yet, since all Catholic schools hate each other, why not pit them against each other to maximize the religious experience?

For instance, DePaul and Marquette don't like each other because they share a state border, St. Joe's and Nova can't see eye-to-eye because they share Philly and simply put, nobody other than their own fans enjoys Notre Dame.

Are all of you smarmy nerds from private high schools excited yet? Here we go.

It would be an eight-team league, narrowing the Big East down to the size of a normal conference. Think of it as an extraordinarily attractive woman getting a breast reduction. Of course, it makes her less appealing, but she's helping out other women everywhere in the process. Selfless.

You have Villanova, Providence, DePaul, Marquette, St. Johns and Seton Hall pulled from the Big East, and then you throw in St. Joes and Xavier from the A-10. St. Joe's and Xavier are the only schools who accomplish anything in terms of basketball in that conference anyway (since Marcus Camby left UMass), so if we extract them, we can make the A-10 entirely irrelevant. Fine by me.

So there is your eight-team league. All are rich in basketball lore—all are private, church-affiliated institutions. I feel like this is a better way for past players and basketball ambassadors like Chris Mullin, Rod Strickland, Doc Rivers and Delonte West to feel a continued sense of pride in their alma maters. These schools are rich in coaching tradition as well; how can you forget Al Maguire, Rick Pitino, Ray Meyer and Bill Raftery?

Leave the lingerie on the deck, and get the hell out of the Big East.