Nebraska Huskers Football: "The Village" a Good Metaphor for Big 12 Title Game

As I lay awake last night, pounding down roughly 32 ounces of Diet Mountain Dew and mainlining off-brand Cheez-Its, I flipped from channel to channel in search of something to watch.

On one channel, Dick Vitale’s nasal screeching made me want to "van Gogh" my own ear off, and on another I found only a “Sister Wives Honeymoon Special.”  But, moments before I settled back into the blissful sounds of a pre-recorded NBA game, I found something entirely fascinating: “The Village” was on.

“The Village” is a horror movie made in 2004 by (at the time) acclaimed horror-movie director M. Night Shyamalan.  It's about a group of people living in an isolated town that had an uneasy truce with a group of monsters that lived in the nearby woods. 

As I watched the movie for about the fourth time, I became acutely aware of a strange, sports-related sense of deja vu.

What was this odd, hollow sensation that settled in the pit of my faux-Cheez-It filled gut?  Then it struck me: “The Village” is the perfect parallel for the 2010 Big 12 Championship.

I know what you’re thinking.  

”But, Chris, your Diet Mountain Dew-riddled brain was surely playing 1:26 a.m.-tricks on you.”

Or, “Chris, haven’t you already covered the Big 12 Title Game more extensively than Entertainment Tonight’s covered Charlie Sheen in the last two weeks?”

No.  And no.

Well, kind of.  But since football season ended, I’ve been struggling for subject matter, so bear with me.

Here’s how “The Village” is a near perfect cinematic doppelgänger for the Huskers’ Big 12 Title Game experience.

The Timeline of Events

Both the Title Game and “The Village” start strong, stumble midway, dither off the tracks completely by the third quarter and end with me shouting at no one, “What in the hell is going on?!?!”

“The Village” starts scary.  It really does. 

Like Roy Helu Jr. dashing 60 yards to pay dirt, it comes out of the gates strong.  It has brooding darkness and an ability to put everyone on edge from the moment it starts.

Then, inexplicably, after the movie gets off to a creepy, delectably tense start, the plot twist is revealed at the halfway mark...kind of like when the Oklahoma Sooners realized that the Huskers were only going to throw three-yard out routes to Brandon Kinney over and over.

Watching after the midway point is like watching Taylor Martinez fumble around in the pocket for 11 minutes before getting sacked for a nine-yard loss.  What once brought us great joy—Martinez’s ability as a runner—bore none of the spine-tingling suspense that it once did. 

During that title game, we knew he’d get sacked halfway through the play.  Just like “The Village.”

Shawn Watson is M. Night Shyamalan

Shyamalan started off his promising career with his seminal classic “The Sixth Sense,” a truly great horror movie that was, at once, stark and terrifying.

Watson’s “Sixth Sense” was turning Joey Ganz into a QB who passed for 3,500 yards and 25 TDs.

But somewhere along the line, both Watson and Shyamalan lost their way.  Both clearly talented men stumbled under the weight of great expectations. 

Shyamalan cranked out “Lady in the Water,” which was part bedtime story for children and all junk for his fans, and Watson cranked out his own bedtime story—a nightmarish end of the 2011 season, culminating with seven points against a pedestrian Washington team and his own firing.

Taylor Martinez is Joaquin Phoenix

Phoenix, blessed with a great name and some serious acting chops, started his ascent to stardom with such smash hits as “Gladiator” and Shaymalan’s other good horror movie, “Signs.”

Martinez, blessed with a lightning-quick first step and confidence that borders on "Sheen-like," started his career in a similar manner.  His “Gladiator” game was against Kansas State, when he accounted for five touchdowns and 369 yards of total offense.  He had several “Signs” games against lesser opponents.

Phoenix appeared to have a breakthrough, soaring to an Academy Award nomination for his role in “Walk the Line” in much the same way that Martinez appeared to be  approaching mythical status as a freshman at Nebraska.

Then Phoenix went crazy.  Or maybe fake-crazy.

Regardless, he didn’t just look a gift horse in the mouth, he punched it right in its horse-teeth (while looking like this).

Martinez did nearly the same thing (minus the insane beard).  He crumbled down the stretch—with rumors swirling about his injuries and a sideline confrontation with Pelini—and left fans wondering if he was simply a good talent without the mental prowess to handle the rigors of college football.

Where both Phoenix and Martinez go from here remains to be seen.

“The Village” Had a Dude In It Named Bryce DALLAS Howard.

Yeah, I realize that’s a stretch.  But the Big 12 Title Game was played in Dallas.  I’m just saying.

Conspiracy theorists, do your thing.