Tottenham Hotspur Now Officially Bigger and Better Than Arsenal

On Tuesday night, Arsenal succumbed to a disappointing 4-3 aggregate loss to in the Champions League. Exactly 24 hours later, Tottenham Hotspur, their most bitter rivals, destroyed AC Milan 0-0 at home to go through 1-0 on aggregate.

Ever since Tottenham finished fourth last season rumors have been circulated by people like Arjen Robben and Zlatan Ibrahimovic that there is now nothing between the two teams, and ever since they beat Arsenal 3-2 at the Emirates, I began to believe that they may have overtaken my beloved Gunners.

Now it is no longer up for debate.

For starters, they were unlucky enough to draw a youthful, up-and-coming Milan team who Arsenal and Manchester United only managed to scrape past 2-0 and 7-2 on aggregate the past two campaigns. On the other hand, Arsenal were rather more fortunate by drawing one of the minnows of this years competition—I think their name was Farcelona, or something like that.

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In the first leg of each tie, Spurs demolished AC Milan 1-0, completely outclassing them by having fewer shots on goal, less possession, fewer corners and committing more fouls. Meanwhile, Arsenal defeated that random Spanish team 2-1 in a drab affair which will not live long in the memory, scoring two penalties which were both offside.

In the second leg, the mighty Spurs schooled the World Cup winners of Milan by an even greater margin: 0-0, with even fewer shots on target and enjoying even less possession against a team who romped to a second-place finish in their group.

Meanwhile, Arsenal severely underperformed once again and were upset by the unheard-of Spaniards. Despite their best efforts to cheat Farcelona out of the tie by deliberately having van Persie sent off (to gain sympathy), they were unable to fool the genius that is Massimo Bussacca. The dirty Gunners even tried to bribe the poor referee by wearing a urine-coloured kit, knowing that he likes the sight of piss on the pitch*. But alas, his integrity remained as solid as Swiss Cheese.

But it wasn't just the round of 16 that Spurs have outperformed Arsenal in. In the group stages, they accumulated an astonishing 11 points, compared to Arsenal's pathetic 12. They also smashed Inter Milan—who have vastly improved since last season and had basically no injuries—3-4, with Gareth Bale netting a hat-trick!

The best Arsenal could do against Inter was win 5-1 at the San Siro, and no one even scored a hat-trick (besides Thierry Henry). Tottenham have now essentially won the Champions League by getting to the last eight, something Arsenal have never managed to do.

In the league, Tottenham are, as usual, showing Arsenal how it's done. As if we didn't see enough of that last season, when Tottenham finished fourth which Arsenal failed to do, and deservedly got hyped up more by the English press than Chelsea, who could only manage the double.

Spurs are once again competing for fourth, unlike Arsenal, who would be lucky to come second. Harry Redknapp is deservedly considered a better manager than Arsene Wenger, as he took a team who were normally coming fifth and got them to fourth, whereas Wenger took a team who came 12th (1995) and fifth (1996) and immediately got them to third in his first full season and then won the double a year later—how sad.

He barely even spent any money doing this, as opposed to Redknapp, who expertly spent £12m on Wilson Palacios and £16m on Jermain Defoe (more than the imbecile Wenger has ever spent on a player), who has returned the favour with a sublime two goals this season.

It's no surprise that Redknapp is favourite for the England job. After all, he did come fourth, which this fool Cappello has never managed. In fact what HAS Cappello ever managed? The Serie A with three different teams? Two La Liga titles? A succession of cups?

Who cares? Don't they realise that master Redknapp won one F.A. Cup? Has Cappello ever done that? Didin't think so! And even if Cappello has won the Champions League, Redknapp has matched that in relegations.

I am considering tearing up my season ticket at Arsenal and buying one at the superior White Hart Lane. I can't believe Spurs wanted to move from this amphitheatre of football demigods such as Pascal Chimbonda and Steed Malbranque, and move into a crappy state-of-the-art 60,000 seater in Sratford, away from North London, where they are the dominant force.

I guess it is because Arsenal are no longer worthy of the title "Spurs' arch-rivals," so they are changing territory to where the competition is more, shall we say, Tottenham standard. West Ham and Leyton Orient? Yep, that should do.

I have run out of adjectives to describe this wonderful team, so I will leave you with one final quote:

''I was up at Spurs and decided to get a cup of tea from the burger van, I asked the guy if he could rustle me up a cup or a mug, and he replied: “Sorry mate no cups, they’re all at Arsenal, and the mugs are on the pitch!”

Gooners!

 *http://www.goal.com/en/news/1863/world-cup-2010/2009/09/21/1514737/swiss-referee-massimo-busacca-gets-three-match-ban