WWE Raw Review: March 7, 2011

Last week, we were subjected to a seriously mediocre Raw, while SmackDown stole the show, proving that with the right talent and storylines, it is more than capable of keeping up with the flagship show.

So the question remained—what could WWE do this week to once again get me excited for WrestleMania? We had already been promised Stone Cold Steve Austin, but could he deliver?

Undertaker opened the show. Why? It was only three days ago we were subjected to a promo from the Deadman about his WrestleMania match—we really don’t need to hear or see him again for a while, especially on Raw.

He came out to tell us all that the match at WrestleMania will be No Holds Barred. Oh, right. Thanks. I can’t get excited about match stipulations in WWE anymore, as they don’t mean anything. Now that the whole company is PG-rated, the best we can expect is a chair shot to the back.

He also reiterated the fact that if the streak dies, he dies, proving my theory from last week’s review in which I said it legitimized his character and explained why he keeps coming back when he is buried alive.

This ties in with his new entrance theme also, so it all works to say that the streak is the life of The Undertaker. Nevertheless, this promo couldn’t have been more unneeded—he should have said it on SmackDown.

Next, Orton was destroyed due to a brutal attack by Nexus—and it truly was a heinous attack. Slamming the back of Orton’s head against a steel container/wall is alright, but chair shots to the head aren’t? Punk gave Orton a GTS in the back, then ordered Nexus to drag him to the ring.

We were welcomed back from the commercial by the assault continuing in the ring. Otunga screamed for a match and Orton told the ref to ring the bell. I was hoping this would be a mile away from McGillicutty’s match last week, and it was. Otunga started off strong, looking dominant and getting a lot of decent offense in, including a vicious spinebuster which reminded me a lot of Faarooq.

Just as I thought we were being treated to a good, lengthy match, Orton struck with an RKO out of nowhere. It is good the way he can just pounce with that finisher when you least expect it, but it can sometimes ruin the flow of the match and I find myself watching Orton, waiting in anticipation for the next strike rather than fully appreciating the wrestling.

Mason Ryan showed up, and I thought the WWE would have used this opportunity to preview the dominance he will show in his match against Orton—but no, Orton RKO’d him. Wasted opportunity in my opinion. Don’t do to Mason Ryan what you did to Kozlov and Sheamus.

Anyway, Orton punted Otunga. So that’s three down, one to go...

Christian came out to wrestle Alberto Del Rio, who instead put in Brodus Clay from the recent season of NXT. Brodus was dominant throughout almost the whole match, until Christian fired two missile dropkicks to knock him off his feet (the second one looked a little lazy to me) and picked up the win with a tornado DDT of all things.

The inevitable then happened and Alberto Del Rio pounced on Christian, locking in the cross armbreaker. Why was this match on Raw, I hear you ask? Your guess is as good as mine. I’m not going to moan about brands anymore, I give up.

Divas match was up next and I thought the Bella twins would switch to pick up the victory. How wrong was I? They attempted to switch, but the ref caught them and Eve secured the win.

It sounds like a relatively normal match until I mention the fact that Cole was wittering all the way through it, and not just on commentary. He actually grabbed a microphone so the whole arena could appreciate his annoyance.

I just knew when he was describing Austin’s attributes when introducing the guest referee that it wouldn’t be him. I was right, but I didn’t expect it to be JBL! It didn’t really make sense to me why he would be the guest referee in Cole’s match, but none of that mattered when the glass shattered!

Austin came out to what seemed like an underwhelming reaction on television, especially when compared to Triple H the other week. I think I made more noise watching it in my living room, but I digress.

Austin was greeted by an angry JBL and Cole, so you can guess what happened next—stunner to JBL! Then he donned his cowboy hat which, for reasons unknown, I found extremely funny.

Austin signed the contract and secured a place at WrestleMania. That’s The Rock, Triple H, The Undertaker and Stone Cold Steve Austin that are all going to be appearing this year. It truly is like stepping back in time. One must feel sorry for the current talent and the fact that they aren’t considered big enough to carry WrestleMania on their own.

Despite not giving a stunner to Cole, I was satisfied with the beer bath Austin gave him. If he doesn’t get stunned at WrestleMania, I might take a page out of Miz’s book and boycott WWE.

Daniel Bryan and Sheamus were up next, and despite the match lasting about 30 seconds due to Sheamus Kayfabe injuring his ankle, it did set up a highly anticipated match for next week—if Sheamus does not win the U.S. title, he will quit.

I really want Sheamus to win. WWE have begun the process of building Sheamus back up by having him recognize his losing streak, so if he wins next week it should give him some credibility back.

CM Punk fought R-Truth next, and to be honest, nothing really happened in this match. CM Punk won with the anaconda vice and Mason Ryan dished out a shoulder breaker to R-Truth.

The penultimate part of the show featured my new favorite wrestler (superstar, I mean—old habits die hard) John Morrison! He was competing against a transferred (as if it mattered) Dolph Ziggler, who ended up winning! John Morrison could do without losing if he wants to continue his push, unless they are saving it until WrestleMania or after.

The Raw GM chimed in and told Vicky she must compete for her job next week against Trish Stratus. It shouldn’t be a problem if Trish botches her moves as much as she did at Elimination Chamber.

Finally Cena came out for the “final knockout” we’ve been hearing about all week. I have to say it was extremely underwhelming. People criticized Rock’s second promo, but it wasn’t as bad as Cena’s efforts here. If I hear one more mention of Fruity Pebbles, I’m going to end up destroying my TV. Cena thinks it’s funny, apparently—I don’t. Not anymore. Leave Fruity Pebbles out of it now.

On a more pleasing note, I can’t believe they let Cena get away with a pearl necklace reference. That was the best bit. Another win in the war against the PG era! Oh yeah, and Miz said “ass.” 2-0.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave comments below.