College Football’s Week Two All-Chump Team

Another week of college football has gone by, featuring a pretty significant number of “chumptastic” performances.  With that being said, there are certainly enough candidates for this week’s “All-Chump Team”...and here they are.

College Football’s Week Two “All-Chump” Team

QUARTERBACK

Starter

Chris Turner, Maryland

13 for 28, 207 yards, one TD, three INT in a loss to Middle Tennessee State

He should still be hiding in his shell after that performance.

Backup

Chris Crane, Boston College

18 for 35, 142 yards, one TD, two INT, sacked in end zone for safety

While fans were still drinkin’ “Matty Ice,” Crane’s performance in BC’s home opener was far from intoxicating.

RUNNING BACK

Starter

Army’s running game

55 carries for 169 yards in a 28-10 loss to New Hampshire

55 carries for that many yards?  They were more like the French army—not going anywhere and basically surrendering.

Wait a second...New Hampshire has a football team?!  Just kidding...

WIDE RECEIVER

Starter

Brian Robiskie, Ohio State

Three catches for eight yards against Ohio University

It may seem like I’m picking on him, but with stats that boring, I’d rather see Britney Spears perform at the VMAs again.

TRENCHES: O-LINE & D-LINE

Starter

Ohio State O-Line

Allowed three sacks to Ohio University (plus as an offense, they were nearly outgained).

One of the best teams in college football allowing three sacks to Ohio University—and next week they will be wearing Trojans.  Get your mind out of the gutter—that’s not what I meant.

Starter

Notre Dame D-Line (and defense as a whole)

Allowing San Diego State to pile up nearly 350 total yards on offense

The Irish managed a comeback victory, but for a while there, even Touchdown Jesus looked away.

RUSH DEFENSE

Starter

Oregon State

Gave up 238 yards on the ground to Penn State in a 45-14 loss

Four scores and seven losses ago, the Beavers and Mike Riley still can’t win on the road in September.

PASS DEFENSE

Starter

Arkansas Razorbacks

Allowed 270 yards passing and two TDs to Louisiana-Monroe QB Kinsmon Lancaster

Arkansas had to narrowly escape by scoring the winning TD with just over a minute to go.  I don’t know what’s more embarrassing: perhaps trailing 24-6 in the third...or maybe having to go through a similar situation in Week One with Western Illinois.  Apparently, I do know what’s more embarrassing.

SPECIAL TEAMS

Starter

Ryan Succop, South Carolina

One of three FGs during upset loss to Vanderbilt

He begged me to keep him off the list while showering me with compliments.  I simply referred to him as a “suck up.”

By the way, did anyone else notice that the Gamecocks had Smelley and Rank playing in the same backfield?  I heard they were trying to recruit a kid with the last name of “Funk” to play wide receiver in ’09.

Until next week, try to avoid being a chump.