Dan Connolly and the Most Athletic Fat Guys Ever in Sports

Dan Connolly amazed us all this past Sunday Night when he moved all 313 pounds of his body down field for a 71-yard punt return. The feat was amazing for one simple fact. Fat guys are not supposed to accomplish such things. I should know, I am one of them. An amazing feat of athletic endurance for me is getting to the top of my stairs.

But sports has had their fine share of fat guys that could still dazzle, or almost dazzle as it were, with their zoftig proportions. Here is an in depth look into the wonderful world of chubby athletes. They make us all believe we could be world class athletes.

There is a lot to judge here. Basically my criteria is what these athletes did at the peak of their weight gain. Not all of these athletes were always fat. But lucky for us, they suited up even after they packed on the pounds.

Honorable Mention: Rich Garces

This is a bit scary. Rich Garces, the man they call "El Guapo" is a spitting image of myself. I would be able to pass for the man if I could throw a fastball and didn't have the propensity to fall asleep after ingesting multiple burritos.

He also boasts the same attribute of sweating as soon as he makes any movement, just like me. Ah, what a handsome bloke.

Honorable Mention: Jared Lorenzen

So you think all quarterbacks must be fit do you? Well you would be horribly wrong. Jared Lorenzen was a Kentucky stand out that was drafted by the Giants, went to the Colts, and then ended up playing QB for the Kentucky Horsemen in the National Indoor Football League.

What makes all of that so special is that the man is 6 feet 4 inches and 285 pounds, on a good day. Let's just say Lorenzen was not the most elusive quarterbacks ever. In fact, there was entirely too much of him to tackle.

25. Eddy Curry

Eddy Curry is an abomination. It is one thing to be fat. It is quite another to be fat because you just don't care. It is clear to Knicks fans that Curry could care less about being in top physical form.

He has had his big contract. Now he is going to eat his way right through it. This man doe snot even know what a treadmill looks like.

24. Emanuel

Emanuel "Tiny" Yarbrough is the world's biggest athlete. Some estimates put his weight at close to that of a dying sun, or 810 pounds depending on who you read.

Yarbrough is a sumo wrestler that is now trying his hand at MMA. The only way to properly defeat the man is to either walk briskly away from him or drop a Snickers bar in his vicinity.

23. Stanley Roberts

What do you do when there is a 7-foot, 300-lb. beast in the middle of the lane? You go around of course. That is what most players in the NBA should have done in 1992-1993. That was the best year in Roberts short career. He had 141 blocks on the season.

But as luck would have it, that ol' Clippers curse struck him with an Achilles injury. The man was never the same.

22. Oliver Miller

But Gabe, you might ask. There is no such thing as a fat athlete in an endurance sport. I give you the fine specimen known as Oliver Miller.

There was nothing funnier than seeing a fast break occur and then ten minutes later seeing Oliver Miller come up behind it. All he had to do to box out was breath. This man's basketball card is a poster. He is fat, if you get my drift.

21. Shawn Kemp

This is a tale sadder than watching those poor souls toil away their existence on Gilligan's Island.

Shawn Kemp was one of the top basketball players in the world. Not only that but he was explosive. The guy could jump out of the building. But then he was traded by the Sonics to the Cavs in 1997. Losing all motivation, Kemp got fat.

The once great athlete was relegated to taking jumps shots and momentary breathers. The man that made my daily sessions of NBA JAM so enjoyable was no more.

20. Dan Connolly

Dan is the man. He fielded a squib kick in this past Sunday's game against Green Bay and almost took it to the house.

The kick was exactly what the Packers wanted to do in that situation. In their minds, they thought, "hey, kick it to that fat guy." That fat guy made them pay. Now have a burger on us Dan.

19. Roy

You know how after a huge meal at Thanksgiving your stomach gets distended and sticks out? Well that is Big Roy on a Wednesday.

He is the only man that looks the same both after beating a man to a pulp and taking down a pastrami sandwich.

18. Gilbert Brown

The former Packers nose tackle was not tiny. He was so not tiny that Burger King decided to either mock or applaud the athlete with his own burger.

The "Gilbertburger" was a Double Whopper with extra everything, cut in half with extra cheese and no pickles. Oh, good no pickles. I wouldn't want to be over extravagant here. I think you can still get this burger. Just walk into any Burger king location and ask for a heart attack.

17. Tony Siragusa

Here is Tony Siragusa with what I can only imagine is a parachute covering his body. The former defensive tackle can now be seen getting bigger and  breathing heavily every weekend on Fox's coverage of the NFL.

16. Mo Vaughn

Baseball's solution to the fat ball player is first base. When the man is too big for a normal jersey, stick him at the not so hot corner and he can't hurt you so much. Such is the case for Mo Vaughn.

Once the player gets really out of shape, you send him to the American League for designated hitter duties. Really, baseball has it all figured out.

15. Mike Golic

The former defensive tackle was a monster on the field. He was also a monster at the buffet table I am sure.

You can now find Golic in his new job as commentator. He co-hosts Mike and Mike in the Morning with Mike Greenberg. That is the show that boasts the possibility that Mike Greenberg will be squashed under the weight of Golic's heavy breathing.

The most unfair activity you can do with Mike Golic is see-saw. You will never come down.

14. William Perry

Perry was a defensive tackle for the Chicago Bears from 1985 until 1993. His nickname was the "refrigerator." That's right. People referred to him as a huge appliance used to stuff food into.

He was so big that the Bears also used him as a fullback. I tried to find footage of Perry bowling over defenders with the ball but I think he ate it.

13. David Wells

It was hard for hitters to pick up the ball when David Wells was pitching. That can be the case when you have 20 pounds of gut headed your way as well. Wells was a master on the mound.

He is another shining example that you don't have to look like Terrell Owens to be successful. It also helps if your sport of choice is baseball.

12. Albert Haynesworth

Albert Haynesworth is proof that all big guys are not jolly. Haynesworth is the exact opposite of jolly. He is a clubhouse cancer and an ego maniac that would like the entire NFL to yield to his demands.

I would like to point out that the guy is also extremely talented. When he wants to play that is. When he becomes disinterested, he has been known to quit on plays and just sort of putz around the field.

11. Eric

Butterbean broke onto the scene in 1994. This is before the shock and awe of MMA had really taken hold. The American public was treated to this behemoth of a man that could pinpoint his punches squarely onto the faces of mediocre boxers.

The result was instant fame. If you are ever having a bad day, just watch some Butterbean highlights. Huge men falling like trees in the forest will put a smile on your face.

10. Shaquille O'Neal

Shaq started out in Orlando as a Goliath that could run the floor as quickly as a guard. Then he lost a step and gained few and diminished into a beast that could dunk over anyone. Then he gained a few more pounds and turned into a man that was still a force down low. Now he is fat and can't make free throws.

There is the freshman fifteen. That is where a college student gains fifteen pounds upon entering their first year in college. I submit the Diesel fifteen. That is the weight he gains for every new town he plays for.

9. John Daly

The biggest purveyor of hedonistic endeavors has to be Mr. John Daly. It saddens me to hear that John has lost a few pounds lately.

For a while he was the one man on earth that sad forget it. I am going to have a blast and I don't care if it kills me. He womanized, drank, ate, golfed, ate, drank, and then went back for seconds. This two golf balls in the picture are actually in Daly's orbit. That is how big he was.

8. John Kruk

Growing up I remember John Kruk was one of the first ball players that was fat and also an All Star. He was the bane of my existence.

Anytime a friend would expound on how little athletic ability baseball took, they went straight to him. My only comeback was, "He is not that fat." I was not the rhetorical genius I am today.

7. Prince Fielder

Prince Fielder is proof that sometimes a gut is good for power. After hitting 50 bombs in 2007, Fielder became a vegetarian.

His power number dropped significantly. He only belted 34 home runs the next year. That also happens to be the same season I drafted him in my fantasy league. Someone get this guy a porterhouse stat.

6. C.C. Sabathia

Fat ace pitchers are not just an entity of yesteryear. The modern game has it's fair share of plump pitchers. The most famous has to be C.C. Sabathia.

While major leaguers were out getting juiced on PEDs, Sabathia was at home honing his skills with what I presume to be late night runs to Taco Bell. Whatever works. Now if I can just convince people that this would work for me, I am in the clear.

5. Pablo Sandoval

The man they call Kung Fu Panda is built like, well, a Panda. I hate to say it but this ball player looks more comfortable sitting on some grass chewing on some bamboo or a bowl of chili, not fielding screaming liners at third base.

But he is living proof that physics do not exist in the realm of Major League Baseball. How else do you explain Sandoval getting to some of the grounders that he does?

4. Vince Wilfork

Vince Wilfork, as in Vince will fork that bowl of pasta into his mouth and there isn't a damned thing you can do about it.

I have to take it easy on old Vince. He happens to be one of the best athletes and defenders in the NFL. That is why he is slotted so high. The Patriots are so adept at making the best payers out of the most unlikely of bodies.

3. Geroge Foreman

Usually when one retires, they retreat to their home, work on some lost hobbies, and get fat. That is what happened to Foreman when he hanged up his gloves in 1977.

The fact that the man was now double his previous size did not stop him from returning to the ring ten years later. The Foreman comeback had some mixed results. But overall we were treated to some fantastic illustrations of power punching.  The man went 31-3 after his return. Twenty Six of those wins were by knockout.

2. Andre The Giant

Andre the Giant was big. In other news, water is wet and I am hungry. In the attached video you can see how big he really was.

Hulk Hogan is an imposing figure. Andre dwarfed him. Rumor has it that Andre the Giant subsisted by eating small children and the dreams of tiny men.

1. Babe Ruth

The greatest fat man of all. Babe Ruth is not only the greatest ball player of all-time. He accomplished this while partaking in copious amounts of food, drink and women.

Imagine John Daly in pinstripes putting up Alex Rodriguez type numbers and you get the picture. While the modern ball player is taking every drug available to enhance their performance, Ruth was engaging in activities that would put normal folk into a coma. And he still managed to be the greatest.