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FIFA Awards 2022 World Cup To Qatar (Satire)

Mike Raffone@theemikeCorrespondent IIDecember 6, 2010

FIFA's Blatter Awarding 2022 World Cup to Qatar's Shiek & Shieka
FIFA's Blatter Awarding 2022 World Cup to Qatar's Shiek & ShiekaLaurence Griffiths/Getty Images

(Satire) On December 2, 2010, FIFA officially announced Qatar as host country of the 2022 World Cup.

FIFA's surprising selection of this little known, oft-mispronounced Persian Gulf Emirate is cited as a "courageous step into new territory." Yeah, kinda like intentionally marching right off the nearest cliff!

Despite Qatar's location in a politically unstable region with no football (soccer) playing history and scorching desert heat that could melt an Adidas soccer ball, FIFA President Seth Blatter boldly proclaimed, "The World Cup will now go to new lands!"

The President's confident comment prompted immediate worldwide reaction from incredulous soccer enthusiasts—many sarcastically suggesting that FIFA could also have chosen Mars—whose lunar landscape, extreme weather conditions and non-existent population base closely mirror that of the newly appointed 2022 host nation.

Nevertheless, FIFA's daring decision to challenge conventional thinking by voting Qatar as the 2022 World Cup host immediately galvanized other audacious moves in the sports world; namely:

In Lausanne, Switzerland—International Olympic Committee President Jacques Bogge quickly named Honolulu, Hawaii over Annecy, France; Munich, Germany; and Pyeongchang, South Korea as host city of the 2018 Winter Olympic games. Bogge noted that Waikiki's beautiful weather couldn't be any warmer than what skiers, bobsledders and skaters experienced at the 2010 Winter Games held in Vancouver, BC.

In New York City—NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell awarded Dhaka, Bangladesh as site of Super Bowl 53. Defending this newest venue, Goodell noted that despite knowing nothing about this uniquely American sport, this Third World country holds manufacturing rights to most of the NFL licensed apparel and certainly deserves a run as host city to the event.

In Charlotte, North Carolina—NASCAR officials announced a new Interstate 95 Race as part of its Spring Cup series. NASCAR President Mike Helton boasted that the Interstate's well-established infrastructure up and down the eastern seaboard would allow increased visibility for the sport while showcasing the excellence of NASCAR drivers as they deftly navigate rush hour traffic on both the NJ Turnpike and Washington, DC's famed Beltway.

Finally, back in the celebrating city of Doha, Qatar, fashion designers unveiled (no pun intended) a dazzling black burqa as official female apparel for World Cup 2022. Now, not only the women of Qatar, but every female fan expecting to attend the event can don this exclusive new cover-up while braving the Arab Emirate's blazing sun and daily temperatures of 118 degrees.

Straight Talk. No Static.


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