England's Latest FIFA World Ranking Spells Trouble on the Streets

There is chaos brewing on the streets all over England today as the news that England have somehow fallen one place to 15th in the Holy Gospel that is the FIFA World Rankings despite their inspired performance against the Czech Republic at Wembley last month.

Fans appear on the verge of rioting as England have been leapfrogged by the indomitable Lions, Cameroon, and  are now only separated by the thinnest of margins from the auld enemy Scotland, who now lie in 16th place.

Wales drop two places to 53rd, the Republic of Ireland plummet to 38th, whilst Northern Ireland remain 32nd.

However, trouble is not only limited to the streets of middle-England, as police are currently engaged in on-going battles with fans in Sao Paolo and Buenos Aries. It is said they are unhappy that their god-given right to remain inside the top-five of the rankings has been ignored again. Brazil and Argentina remain sixth and seventh, respectively.

The Argentine fans are especially unhappy that their incredibly meaningful Olympic Gold medal success in Beijing has not been counted. They have continued to assert that it is worth just as much as a World Cup win.

Elsewhere, European Champions Spain (No, really, they actually won something! I couldn’t believe it either when they didn’t choke!) remain on top of the world, literally, in first place. Turkey have snuck into the top-10, and Italy and Germany make up the top-three.

The biggest movers were those pesky Mexicans who have moved eight—yes, eight—places to replace the USA as the highest placed CONCACAF nation.

The climb has been attributed to hard-fought wins over the perennially strong members of CONCACAF—probably someone like Guatemala or Nicaragua whose strength in depth really tested the Mexicans who definitely, unequivocally, without doubt deserve their latest ranking in 24th.  

Anyway, here’s the top 20 for those of you who actually care, with teams' previous positions in parentheses:

1. (1) Spain                                
2. (3) Italy
3. (2) Germany
4. (4) Netherlands
5. (5) Croatia
6. (6) Brazil
7. (7) Argentina
8. (8) Czech Republic
9. (9) Portugal
10. (13) Turkey
11. (12) France
12. (10) Russia

13. (11) Romania
14. (15) Cameroon
15. (14) England
16 (16) Scotland
16 (17) Bulgaria
18. (18) Greece
19. (20) Israel
20. (19) Ghana

32. (32) Northern Ireland
38. (35) Republic of Ireland
53. (51) Wales

Well, I hope you enjoyed the update on the World Rankings, and remember wherever you’re from, whoever you support—THEY REALLY, REALLY DO MATTER. Honestly.

The content of this article may or may not be true, and may or may not be humorous.