Fly Me Over the Pond: The Curious Case of Kris Boyd

Kris Boyd is an interesting football player. He is the ultimate enigma and possibly the best rubbish player in the history of football, if anecdotal evidence from fans is anything to go by.

Many Rangers supporters were glad to see the back of Boyd and as he made the trip South to Middlesbrough. The dominant theme among ‘Gers fans appeared to be “on ye go pie muncher.”

The excellent podcast, "We are the People", slated Boyd for his lack of technique, consistent offside calls, absence of movement, lazy work ethic, slow pace, non-existent defensive skills and inability to pass the ball.  The real interesting thing happened one hour later in the same show when all three hosts named Boyd in their all-time best Rangers team.

So the question is: How can a player so useless be so good?

The answer is simple:  Goals!

Kris Boyd is a proven goal scorer, and the evidence suggests he will continue scoring consistently throughout the rest of his career.  Boyd had won four of the previous five Golden Boot awards before his move to Middlesbrough. 

Interestingly, the only other winner in that time span was fellow Boro striker Scott McDonald.

Boyd scored in Scotland at the phenomenal rate of 101 goals on 143 games, a strike rate that is far above greats like Ally McCoist and Mark Hateley.  Since his move, Boyd is Boro’s top scorer with five goals and has also provided one assist.

The likelihood is Boyd will score more goals this season than any Boro forward and possibly any player in the last few years. 

In the three seasons prior, Boro’s leading goal scorers have netted 10, 8 and 13 goals respectively. None of those players were an out and out striker: Stewart Downing and Adam Johnson were wingers, and Tuncay Sanli was an attacking midfielder/forward hybrid mega player.

Given time, Boyd could develop into our best goal scorer for a number of years. He is already eerily similar to some successful Middlesbrough players of old.

He is always offside, has no pace and is lazy? Please step forward Boro legend Bernie Slaven.

Slaven netted 146 goals for Boro* and entered the club’s all-time top 10 goal scorers list. Slaven did so with the abuse of fans in the North Stand chicken run ringing in his ears all the way.  In a delicious irony, Slaven is one of those who have criticized Boyd.

He has no technique and lacks the ability to pass?  Well, that would be Hamilton Ricard wouldn’t it?

The stumbling Ricard was a joke figure among Boro fans when he was surrounded by some great players.  Despite his failings, Ricard is now the club’s all-time leading scorer in the Premier League and managed to look like Pele every time we played Tottenham Hotspur on Sky.

Then there is, of course, the belief Boyd is a big oaf, a clumsy lummox who manages to stand in the right place and have balls bounce off him into the goal.  If that is true, then the only thing that separates him and Paul Wilkinson is a pair of cycling shorts!

As Boro fans, we should be well accustomed to men who look awful yet have a decent goals tally come season’s end.  If Boyd is one of them, is that so bad?

*Like a true goal scorer, Slaven is adamant his tally is in fact 147 thanks to a penalty he netted in a shootout in a playoff semi-final.

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