Olympic Champion Michael Phelps Tests Positive For Banned Substance DDP (Satire)

Matthew IrbySenior Analyst IAugust 25, 2008

All the information is still real sketchy and not made public just yet.

But I read a report earlier today that the International Olympic Committee and the drug firm testing the athletes during the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games has received a test result from Michael Phelps that tests positive for DDP.

The President of the IOC Jacques Rogge has prided himself on the fact that he believes that they are doing everything they possible can in attempt to catch cheating athletes.

The little bit of information that is being released is that after one of Michael Phelps gold medal, world record races he was taken next for a drug test.

The initial test came up negative, no problems, and Phelps went on the receive his medal and prepare for his next swims.

The IOC and its drug testing firm have been keeping the athletes urine samples frozen so that more and newer tests can be done on them at a later date, in attempts to catch athletes that have taken masked drugs.

Phelps' urine was frozen and sent to another facility and that is where is Sample A received a positive test.

Video Play Button
Videos you might like

Phelps can not be stripped on any medals unless the urine tests positive in a more detailed Sample B test.

The results from that test will likely take two weeks to come back.

Normally, only athletes and team officials are notified of positive Sample A results and nothing is made official until the results of Sample B. But given the popularity of Michael Phelps, the IOC felt it necessary to act now.

The IOC stated that they want to clean up an event of this magnitutde on the Olympic stage, American stage, and swimming stage, as quickly as possible.

The IOC will strip Phelps of all eight gold medals, which also include the medals won by his teammates in the relay races. The other athletes, whose medal will be improved or who will receive medals, will be notified in due time.

Phelps, his coaches, and his teammates have been notified of the positive test of DDP. Information is that they will either hold their own news conference or make a public statement following any news conference by the IOC, which is tentatively schedule for tomorrow evening.

Because of the rarity of the steroid, no drug test initially discovered it in Phelps' urine, but as stated before, the sample was frozen, taken to another facility, and that is where it found to have tested positive.

Ironically for the United States, the drug firm used by the IOC is the same firm used during the 1999 Tour de France, when American Lance Armstrong was accused of taking EPO.

The drug that Phelps has allegedly tested positive for is a rarely used and/or seen steroid, DDP. DDP stands for Delphinus delphis ponticus.

DDP builds endurance in an athlete by increasing the production of oxygen-rich red blood cells. Similar to its sister drug EPO, DDP has been modified so that it targets specific areas of endurance and recovery for swimmers.

Given the advantage of taking the illegal steroid, a swimmer could performer better during races and then recover quicker if another race was soon to come. Sadly, this is exactly what Phelps was doing during the Olympics and what many experts said he couldn't do, and be unable to win all eight gold medals.

In a sense, the drug could make Phelps perform similar to a dolphin, swimming faster for longer periods of time, and needing less recovery time.

And since the other meaning for the phrase DDP (Delphinus delphis ponticus) is the medical name for a dolphin, this only proves that Michael Phelps is a dolphin and that is how he was able to win eight Olympic gold medals, break seven world records, and become one of the greatest Olympic athletes, or dolphins, of all-time.

Thanks for reading, don't take this seriously.