Washington Football: How Can The Huskies Beat The Ducks?

With quarterback Jake Locker out with a broken rib, the long odds for a Husky win at Autzen Stadium got even longer.  Given the vast differences between the teams' performance this year, it may take a miracle to get a W for the Huskies this weekend.  The following represent just a few of the possible ways that the Huskies can win this game!

Mount Hood Eruption

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CATANIA, ITALY - OCTOBER 23: View of the 9th fairway and Mount Etna prior to the second round of the Sicilian Senior Open played at Il Picciolo Golf Club on October 23, 2010 in Catania, Italy. (Photo by Phil Inglis/Getty Images)

I don't know if Mount Hood is a volcano or not - but it - or some other mountain nearby needs to erupt, and have all of the ash fall in Eugene.  Burying the stadium turf, forcing the cancellation of the game.   The Northwest elements have played a role in Husky victories in the past, and this will be their crowning moment!

Laptop Scandal Involving All 11 Offensive Starters

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TUSCALOOSA, AL - OCTOBER 16: Quarterback Jeremiah Masoli #8 of the Ole Miss Rebels against the Alabama Crimson Tide at Bryant-Denny Stadium on October 16, 2010 in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

Imagine the news briefs, after taking a break from Ole Miss, Jeremiah Masoli returns from Ole Miss for the week, and convinces all 11 offensive starters to join him in a laptop raid from another dorm.  The Ducks' offense has been too fast for opposing defenses, so the odds are they can outrun the police cruisers on foot!  But they can't outrun the radio, and thus end up in jail instead of on the field on Saturday.

WWE Referees Hired For Pac-10 Tilt

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PERTH, AUSTRALIA - NOVEMBER 24: Hulk Hogan gestures to the audience during his Hulkamania Tour at the Burswood Dome on November 24, 2009 in Perth, Australia. (Photo by Paul Kane/Getty Images)

The Huskies will definitely need an edge in this game.  When wrestlers need an edge, they only have to look as far as the World Wrestling Entertainment staff to find the right kind of support their needs.  The Huskies can use the same approach.  Heck, Defensive Coordinator Nick Holt brings a wrestler's mentality to the sidelines, and if a ref were to look the other way, he could make a few plays on the field.  

Ducks Bring In Brad Childress As Honorary Head Coach

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EDEN PRAIRIE, MN - OCTOBER 7: Minnesota Vikings head coach Brad Childress answers questions from the media during a press conference at Winter Park on October 7, 2010 in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. (Photo by Adam Bettcher/Getty Images)

If the Ducks wanted to help recruiting, they could bring in Brad Childress for the game.  In the space of an afternoon, he could lose the locker room, offend the quarterback, and drop LaMichael James on the depth chart.  

Given those kinds of shrewd moves, the Huskies could easily win the contest, and earn back some of their lost pride.  

Shortly thereafter, Nike would state that their contract with Oregon is "under review".  

NCAA Launches Investigation Of Oregon On Friday Night

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DALLAS - SEPTEMBER 24: Fans of the SMU Mustangs wave a flag during play against the TCU Horned Frogs at Gerald J. Ford Stadium on September 24, 2010 in Dallas, Texas. (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

With former University of Washington President Mark Emmert now heading up the NCAA, it's not beyond the realm of possibility that the NCAA investigates University of Oregon just prior to the game.  

Given the blood vendetta that the NCAA has toward the teams at the top of the Pac-10 (USC, Washington, etc), this investigation really wouldn't be all that suspicious.  I mean Nike is what, an hour away??  How clear does it have to be?  Do I need to draw a picture?

Chip Kelly Goes All D.B. Cooper and Disappears

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EUGENE, OR - OCTOBER 2: Head coach Chip Kelly of the Oregon Ducks is greeted by 'Puddles', the mascot of the Oregon Ducks, before the game against the Stanford Cardinal at Autzen Stadium on October 2, 2010 in Eugene, Oregon. Oregon won the game 52-31. (Ph

Given the huge point spread for a home game, Chip Kelly decides to take a long weekend off, and charters a plane for warmer climates.  However, when it arrives, he's not on it, and no one can find him.

His absence throws the team in disarray, and Mike Bellotti says he won't return to the sidelines to cover for him, unless he can get another mysterious $3M buyout at the end of the game.  

The Patriots Fill In For The Dawgs

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FOXBORO, MA - OCTOBER 31: Tom Brady #12 of New England Patriots reacts after a touchdown against the Minnesota Vikings at Gillette Stadium on October 31, 2010 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images)

Given the fact that Tom Brady never really played at Michigan, he really missed out on the collegiate experience.  So, to truly feel a tough college game, he agrees to play at Autzen on only one condition - that he bring his entire team with him.  

With that offensive line, the Dawgs control the scoring, and the Patriots Defense (with Belichick in a bald wig) devastates the Ducks offense.  

Simple plan and the Dawgs win.

Good Lord Willin' and The Creeks DO Rise

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EUGENE, OR - OCTOBER 21: The Oregon Duck mascot is lifted into the crowd during the game against the UCLA Bruins on October 21, 2010 at the Autzen Stadium in Eugene, Oregon. (Photo by Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images)

With all the rain of late, it's not inconceivable that the Willamette River suddenly overflows its banks.  Due to some fluke, the water cascades down the streets and pours into Autzen stadium. 

The wall of water is so strong, it rips the turf off the field, and also - miraculously - destroys all of those hideous Nike uniforms, leaving the ducks only their old solid color yellow and green uni's.   

If the creek does indeed rise like this, the game will be cancelled, and the Dawgs will live to fight another day!

Huskies Actually Play Out Of Their Minds

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LOS ANGELES - OCTOBER 2: Running back Chris Polk of the Washington Huskies carries the ball against the USC Trojans at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum on October 2, 2010 in Los Angeles, California. Washington won 32-31. (Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty

While not all of these items are serious, the possibility, however remote, is that the Huskies play well, are coached well, and shock the world.  

Granted, they haven't shocked anyone but USC, but it's out there.  They could just get career games out of every player on the roster, and the Ducks could make mistakes.  

The closer this game gets, the more pressure will be on the Ducks.  However, given the state of the Dawgs, it won't be close after about 3 minutes.  

We hope you've enjoyed this little dream of how the Dawgs can win.