College Football's Worst Teams: The Terrible 10 of Week 6

The cream is rising to the top as the big boy leagues scramble for titles and sweet bowl bids in sunny places.

Someone in the swamps bought Louisiana Les Miles a watch, and the Tigers gobbled down another key win.

Somewhere in Michigan a coach mentioned fans would like to hang him from a Big Ten bridge.

Alas, when something rises, something sinks, and some sad seasons are starting to stink.

In forlorn football outposts across the land, doomed teams battle each in desperate games.

Deep in the heart of New Mexico two bad teams battled each other in a terrible tango of horrendous football.

And somewhere in the dark hollows of western Kentucky, Ole Big Red still has the blues.

Sitting sadly by his whiskey still, waiting for Justified and basketball to start again, Big Red just wants a win. 

Can't those Kentucky hilltop boys bring that big, hillbilly, Grimace-looking, red mountain beast a single win? 

Or can they at least buy Big Red a banjo and a bottle of bourbon and let him pick out The Big Red Blues?

I got dem Big Red blues down to my shoes

I got dem Big Red blues boy I paid my dues.

I got dem Big Red Blues, make me feel dead blues

I got dem Big Red Blues every time I lose...

And lately I can't lose dem Big Red Blues...

Noooo lately I can't lose dem Big Red Blues

Lately I can't lose them Big Red Blues no how...

1] Western Kentucky Hilltoppers [0-25]

When you're 0-25, you cannot spot a team, even one as bad as the Florida International Golden Panthers, a 21-0 lead.

The Hilltoppers rallied to lose 28-21, but perhaps their last best chance to win this year has passed the Hilltoppers by.

It looks like Big Red, Western Kentucky's slowly going mad mascot, will be sitting, brooding with a bottle and singing "Lawyers, Guns and Money" again.

"Lawyers, Guns and Money" used to help Barry Switzer recruit at Oklahoma, and Big Red sure needs them now.

2] New Mexico Los Lobos {0-6] 

Tyler Stampler stamped the weak wolves, 16-14, with a 22-yard field goal with 1:56 left in the Billy the Kid Bowl.

Los Lobos lead man Mike Locksley, 1-18 since hitting Silver City, seemed confident that his Wolves could hold bye, this week's opponent, at bay.

With one win in 18 shots, it certainly is "self-scout" and "coach up" time.

Could you possibly go in "coach down" mode?

“The (mid-season) self-scout is really important," Locksley told the Albuquerque Journal, “because it tells you what your tendencies are, tells you what’s been efficient, what hasn’t been efficient. That’s one of the good things about the break coming here at the midpoint, because if there are some major changes that need to be made, this is the time you can do it.

“You can evaluate it, implement it, practice it and have some extra time to get it coached up.”

3] New Mexico State Aggies [1-6]

Breaking your 11-game losing streak against Locksley's losing Los Lobos is certainly an admirable thing, but not one that gives your team a big poll burst, not even in the Terrible Ten.

But then being the King of New Mexico football is certainly nothing to sniffle at.

The Pat Garrett Trophy makes a beautiful mantlepiece.

4] Pennsylvania Football

It would take a serious sociological study to see if aging and declining populations, youth fleeing the state, the decline of the steel and coal industries, or the great grandsons of immigrants playing Madden football rather than high school football is the cause of Keystone State football's downward spiral.

But Pennsylvania football, like the state, is in serious decline.

When was the last time Pitt or Penn State beat a Top Five foe?

How many times in the last 15 years have they beaten Top 10 teams?

Or maybe the Last Golden Era, the final glory days, of Pennsylvania football ran from 1976 to 1993 and we are just seeing the evolution of the teams into second-tier powers.

The biggest question in Pennsylvania football is will Joe Paterno hit 400 wins this year?

Paterno is stuck on 397, and the only teams the Lions have a legitimate shot against seem to be Minnesota, Northwestern and Indiana. 

5] Football in New England

Big time college football never really caught on in the New England states, where the pro boys—the Patriots, Red Sox, Bruins and Celtics—are kings.

Maybe it's the Eastern port cold weather college football effect, as New York, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Washington and the Virginia coast do not seem to care over much about college football either.

Boston College and UConn are muddling through mediocre seasons.

Not many in Beantown care about Boston College with all the talk of Tom Brady's Brazilian booty whipped hair. 

6] Tennessee Volunteers [2-4]

The Vols might not be as good as Vanderbilt this year.

Vanderbilt at least knows not to use a 13-man goal line defense in the final seconds of a game.

Put that in your Rocky Top and smoke it. 

7] Washington State Cougars [1-5]

Head coach Paul Wulff is stuck, with a record of 4-27, at Washington State and wondering why he left the Eastern Washington Eagles just to become a cougar toy.

The Pac-10 is getting better while Washington State gets worse.

8] Akron Zipped [0-6]

It could be worse; they could be the Cleveland Browns.

9] Eastern Michigan Eagles [0-6]

By losing 52-6, did they, at long last, awaken the sleeping Vanderbilt giant? 

10] Memphis [1-5]

The Tigers are down 104-7 in the last two games.

Maybe it's time to kick back and listen to some good music and eat some great barbecue and take a break from that silly game played with a pigskin.

The Spirit of Giving Gift of the Week

Rice gave up over 500 yards to UTEP last week.

This week Rice faces Houston, which cooked them for 72 points last season.

In 1916 Georgia Tech ran for 1,620 yards in a 222-0 win against Cumberland, but Rice is confident, if everything falls right, that they might be able to shatter that mark this week.

Sadistic Schedule of the Week

San Jose State Spartans

San Jose sure better be making the big bucks for sending its Spartans to be slaughtered by the likes of Alabama, Wisconsin, Utah and Nevada. 

This week at least the Spartans get to stay home...sadly against Boise State.