NHL Says Detroit's Tomas Holmstrom Must Be Five Feet From Goal To Score (Satire)

As the Detroit Red Wings prepare to open the 2010-11 season at home against the Anaheim Ducks on Friday, they received some unexpected news from the NHL regarding a rule change that references Tomas Holmstrom, specifically.

NHL Director of Officiating, Terry Gregson, forwarded rule 96A to the Red Wings via fax which states: "The Detroit Red Wings will not be allowed to score a goal unless Tomas Holmstrom is at least five (5) feet away from the goal crease.  If the on-ice official determines that Holmstrom is less than five (5) feet away from the goal at the time the puck enters the net, the goal will be immediately disallowed."

"Well, we're not too happy about it," said Red Wings GM Ken Holland.  "But, the league is entitled to make the rules and officiate the game as they see fit, and we'll have to abide by what they tell us."

The new rule has been enacted as the result of several years of controversial goal and no-goal calls that have come as the result of Tomas Holmstrom's net-front play.

"Tomas Holmstrom has made a career out of screening goalies," explained Gregson.  "We understand that that's part of his game, but, it's simply too difficult for the on-ice official to determine whether or not he's actually interfering with the movement of the goalie, or just doing a really good job of screening.  This five foot buffer zone, or as we're calling it, the 'No Homer Zone', will make sure there's no confusion.  If Detroit scores with Holmstrom outside of that zone, they'll be fine."

As recently as the exhibition season, the Detroit Red Wings have had a seemingly good goal against Chicago waived off after the on-ice official determined that Holmstrom had interfered with the goalie.

Upon video review, it was revealed that, though approximately four centimeters of the blade of Holmstrom's right skate was in the crease, he had not made contact or impeded the progress of the goalie.

Regardless, the ruling on the ice stood and the goal was disallowed.

"Stuff like that, that's happened a ton since I've been here," said Red Wings head coach Mike Babcock.  "You know, Homer's a real good player at the front of the net, he knows what's legal and what's not.  Sometimes, yeah, maybe he's being too aggressive or whatever, but, most of the time, he's not doing anything but providing a screen."

Indeed, Babcock has made mention of no-goal rulings as the result of Holmstrom's presence as "reputation calls."

"Yeah, that's what they've seemed to be in the past," Babcock said.  "I guess now we've got a 'reputation rule'.  That's up to them [the NHL].  I'm just the coach, I don't make the rules."

When asked about how he felt about the new rule, Holmstrom said, "Well, I guess what they say about it is the five feet is where I need to be for goals.  I guess it doesn't seem to be right for them to look at me only for this but, you know, it is what it is."

Holmstrom added, "I scored from five feet a couple times before, I guess working on it now is best."

When asked why an alternative to this rule, for example, simply using video review to make the final decision as to whether or not a goal should be disallowed due to perceived player interference, Terry Gregson said that wasn't an option.

"No.  The on-ice official has the final say, period.  You start going to video [review] to second-guess a referee on a no-goal call, then you're going to start questioning hooking calls and off-sides and all sorts of things."

When asked if Gregson was familiar with the term "slippery slope" and that using such an argument in this case may be unfair, he disagreed.

"Unfair, I'll tell you what's unfair, second guessing a human being, that's unfair."