Don't Support The Philadelphia Phillies: It's No Use, I've Tried It Before

There are many teams in the MLB looking for your support. And I will tell you now that most of them aren’t worth supporting. Not even close. If you were to read the title of this article, you would find that I believe the Philadelphia Phillies are such a team.

In this article, I will advise you to not root for a team with such flaws as the Phillies. And I am not going to just put that out there and see what you make of it; I will give much information to back my slightly biased opinion.

I will begin by reminding you that when you first heard the Phillies name, you probably found that you were wondering what that is all about. Because what is a Philly anyway? Is it referring to a filly, which is basically stating that the Philadelphia Phillies are immature female horses?

This is hardly the first of my complaints: I will now move on to another matter that may leave you lying awake in bed at night wondering why you ever even thought about supporting the Phillies.

Faulty Nicknames and Incompetent Closers—

Brad “Lights Out” Lidge. I am sorry to say that this nickname makes me laugh. Not that it shouldn’t-- even Charlie Manuel said that he never feels safe while Lidge is attempting to close out a game.

I have no earthly idea how Brad Lidge came across a nickname such as this one (probably not from his 2008 season in which he went 40 for 40

in saves). I think it would be better for us all to refer to him with a more fitting name: Perhaps “Lights On”?

In 2009, the only award he received was the one for the most blown saves, and if he hadn’t been injured for half of this season, he would be well on his way to earning that title again.

We now move on to a matter so pressing its nearly suffocating: The Phillies World Series catcher, their previous BA leader, their pride and joy, currently stands by a nickname which, when properly translated, comes out to mean “Jack___.”

I would now like to clarify to the Phillies fans of this decade; I do not mean to offend. Not once did I state that I agree with this nickname. No offense, Chooch.

I will make this next statement quick in hope that it will dub this information less disturbing and easier to comprehend. Roy Halladay, nicknamed “Doc,” acquired his nickname from a gunslinger.

I will now move on to a less touchy subject, and announce that one of the Phillies actually deserves his nickname. This would be Jamie Moyer, reasonably nicknamed (by his own teammate) “The Dino.”

Moyer’s proudest moment of this season would probably be when he became the oldest MLB pitcher to ever throw a complete game shutout. And trust me; this is no small feat, considering his age is higher than I can count.

Lastly, Ryan Howard is nicknamed “The Big Piece.” I have only a few words of advice for Howard on this subject:

Get a new nickname.

Improper Dress Code—

This pressing matter should be taken straight into the hands of Phillies improperly dressed reliever J.C. Romero. He apparently finds it amusing to, once a month, take off one of his shoes and hop around the infield for a while, shoeless.

Now, I, being a fairly respectful person, find it extremely disrespectful for someone to even attempt to pull of such a stunt. I suppose he has never heard the famous saying, “No shirt, no shoes, no service.”

Well, I’ve got something to tell you, J.C. I’m not going to give you my service.

Viewers, please keep your eyes peeled for September 27^th, when Romero has scheduled to pull off his next shoeless stunt.

Uncontrolled Tempers—

The Phillies most well-known trait must be the one of their uncontrolled temper.

You should not be surprised to hear this, however, seeing as they are managed by Charlie Manuel, notorious for his prodigious skill to have himself thrown from games.

I know that if one was ever to look in the Phillies dugout, one would find a bunch of baseball players and a nice old man managing them. But this is not so. The “nice old man” will not hesitate to get in the face of an umpire and scream at him if he feels it will do justice for his team.

This may be the reason that he currently stands in the number three spot for most ejected managers.

Perhaps Manuel’s sour temper has been influencing his players towards wrongdoing. I say this because a Philly with a strong reputation for kindliness has recently been ejected from a baseball game.

The game prior to this was caked with bad calls by the umpire, but I have to say this is no excuse for what Ryan Howard did this night.

The umpire made yet another bad call, and Howard could take it no longer. He charged the umpire, and had to be restrained by his own teammate. Childishly screaming to be released, he was promptly ejected from the game.

This is puzzling beyond belief. Ryan Howard, the face of the Phillies franchise, who is featured on commercials to help charity, attempting to beat up an umpire?

 I’ve got some information for you, man:

You’re ruining your reputation.

As you should remember, I said before that Ryan Howard’s unacceptable behavior was influenced solely by Charlie Manuel. This statement is not so.

He was influenced also by fellow Philly Jayson Werth. Approximately one month previous, Werth was found blowing up at a fan who ridded him of catching a foul ball.

Werth began to beat the man with an onslaught of cusswords, though his son was sitting right next to him.

Ha—some way to repay your fans for being loyal and supportive. And I later found that Werth had not even come close to making the catch in the first place.

From reading this article, you should have compiled many instances in which the Phillies exhibited inappropriate behavior. They treat rules with a certain disregard, and seem to take their fans for granted.

Now, having thoroughly read this article, you will agree with me without hesitation when I state that the Philadelphia Phillies are, in a manner of speaking, evil.