Oklahoma Sooners: The Top Five Reasons Sooners Despise Longhorns

Billy RayCorrespondent IAugust 29, 2010

Oklahoma Sooners: The Top Five Reasons Sooners Despise Longhorns

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    Some states have mutual histories of ill-feelings and sometimes even violence against the people of a neighboring state.

    Take Missouri and Kansas, for instance. This blood feud reached its' peak with the crimes perpetrated during the Civil War and has lied smoldering ever since.

    Many schools have heated feelings, and, maybe in some cases, outright hatred for their most bitter rivals.

    Ohio State and Michigan would fit this description. To say these two don't like each other is like saying Tea Partiers and ACORN workers don't see eye-to-eye. Were talking major understatement here.

    Buckeyes and Wolverines hate each other.

    There are other fine examples but when it comes to college football rivals, none can match the intensity of the animosity generated between the Sooners' of Oklahoma and the Texas Longhorns.

    The word hate isn't strong enough to begin to describe the depth of bad blood between the fans of these respected institutions.

    For example, I can hate the thought of getting a prostate exam.

    I may hate that I cannot throw a football as far or run as fast as I once could.

    I do hate the minimal amount of exercise I reluctantly do just to keep below the Jabba the Hutt reading on my Official Star Wars Weight Scale.

    However, I do not despise these things. These things have never reached that level for me.

    The proper way to encompass how Sooner fans feel about Longhorns' is to say they despise them. To find someone or something truly despicable is about the worst opinion you can have.

    It means you find them so lowdown the very thought of their existence causes you physical pain.

    Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Top Five Reasons that Sooners' Despise Longhorns.

Texas Has The Most Obnoxious Fans in the World

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    Longhorn fans have a unique mixture of character traits that Sooners' find, to put it kindly, a bit too much to take.

    Are they cocky? As Sarah would say, "You betcha!"

    Do they have an arrogance about them? Smug-alerts in Austin are as common as Notre Dame coaching changes.

    They also have a Texas-sized sense of entitlement sprinkled with a  dose of condescension in the mix as well.

    Add all of these ingredients together and call it what you want, I only know it sure smells bad.

    So what is it about Longhorns that Oklahoma fans' find the most offensive?

    The correct answer here, of course, is they are the most obnoxious people God has ever created.

    Hook'em'horns signs. Bevo heads on the front of cars. Don't Mess With Texas. Planes with banners.

    When Texas petitioned for admittance into the Union, the vote was 48-1.

    Oklahoma lost.

    Sooners' have been telling the rest of the country "We told you so!" ever since.

    Just a little word of advice, if you're ever on a long distance flight, never sit next to the Longhorn fan. There will be one, trust me.

    You will know who they are easily enough. If they aren't stopped from boarding for being too drunk, it will be the guy with a coach ticket, demanding a first class seat, wearing the puke-orange velvet sweatsuit.

    Which brings me to my next point.

Burnt Orange Isn't a Real Color

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    Were soggy red and windy green not available?

    What kind of school uses a made-up color? Burnt orange? Really?

    The true story of how they discovered burnt orange is actually pretty interesting.

    A very long time ago, after years of failure and using up most of the states' natural resources in the process, they somehow managed to grow a solitary orange tree in Texas.

    This was a very big deal as no one thought it was possible to grow anything in the entire state, what with the baked and barren desert that passes for a landscape there.

    One day, a burning tumbleweed (the State Tree of Texas) blew into and caught the lonely orange tree on fire. Before they could get the volunteer fire department to quit drinking their Lone Star beer and moonshine Boilermakers, the unfortunate tree had burned to the ground, roasting the one, single orange the tree could sustain.

    The sad Texans discovered the burned-up orange in the ashes and commemorated this tragic day by making it the official color of the Territorial Reformatory for Wayward Derelicts and School for the Mentally Deficient that had recently opened nearby.

    This institution later changed it's name to the University of Texas.

    By the way, burnt orange is the exact same color as 40 oz. of Old English Malt Liquor mixed with a QuikiMart bean burrito and regurgitated all over the floor.

    Or so I've heard.

Mack Browns' Semi-Annual Whining for Bowls Tour

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    Did you ever notice that, more often than not, Mack Brown is on tour towards the end of the season?

    No, he's doesn't have a rock-a-billy band side-project going on.

    He is out touring the country, telling any one who will listen about how little Ol' Texas gets no respect. About how other teams aren't worthy of BCS consideration but his Longhorns sure are special.

    He whines about conference championships. He cries about tie breakers. He begs for BCS bids.

    He prostitutes himself out across the airwaves for the University of Texas while bidding a loud "Adios amigo!" to his dignity.

    A coach trying to lobby for better bowl destinations for his team is something we live with but someone doing it by selling out whatever self-respect they have left is just sad.

    Somebody please give me a reasonable explanation as to why Mack can give an essay on how tie-breaker rules should only count head-to-head match-ups, but, bring up Texas Tech, and all of the sudden he is like a Teamster boss in front of congress. Nothing but silence.

    Mack, please do us all a favor and when Oklahoma goes to the Big 12 Championship Game again this year, stay home for the holidays with your family.

    Then again, maybe it's his family who is encouraging him to leave the house so often. I could see that.

    I wouldn't want him crying all over my shoulder and ruining Christmas.

Texas Killed The Big Red Rivalry

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    Remember when the Sooners had three rivalry games every year and one opponent wasn't wearing a shade of orange?

    Okay, Oklahoma State isn't really a rival since it's actually like beating up your annoying little brother. He may talk tough for awhile but he always gets pummeled in the end.

    Nebraska, on the other hand, was a legitimate and respected adversary.

    So many times over the years, the winner of the annual Oklahoma versus Nebraska game decided not only the Big 8 championship, but was also key to the National Championship race.

    In 1971, the Cornhuskers victory at Oklahoma was considered the Game of the Century. In many circles, it still is.

    When the Big 12 formed, with OU in the South and NU in the North, this much anticipated, late season rivalry was put on life support, playing only twice every four years.

    Last year, Texas started listening to offers from other conferences, trying to maneuver itself into a better deal.

    When word leaked that the Big 10 was looking at expanding with both NU and Mizzou, Texas, through the Big 12 offices, issued an ultimatum to both schools: Declare your loyalty now, or face the consequences.

    Nebraska, already feeling screwed over by past Longhorn manipulations in the conference and still smarting from the 1-more-second controversy in the 2009 Big 12 Championship, bid adieu and jumped ship.

    Now, unless OU meets Nebraska in this years' championship game, it's possible they may never play again.

    This storied rivalry that has been hanging by a thread is as dead as Lindsy Lohan's acting career.

    Other's have praised Texas as the Savior of the Big 12. That is like saying the Stimulus Bill saved our economy. It takes a lot of fuzzy thinking to reach that conclusion.

    Don't blame Nebraska for the demise of the Big Red Rivalry, this was Texas' fault all the way.

Dallas, Texas Is Not a "Neutral" Site

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    Barry Switzer once had this to say about the Red River Rivalry game, "Neutral hell, last time I checked, Dallas is in Texas!"

    The annual game between Oklahoma and Texas has been played at a "neutral" site every year since 1929.

    Apparently, in the state of Texas, there are minimal standards to qualify as a "neutral" site: Each school gets half the tickets and Texas supplies the referees.

    Longhorn fans' will plug their ears and hum "The Eyes of Texas" until every one is in agreement that giving up half the tickets is the only requirement to call Dallas a "neutral" location.

    Forget that the game is played in the largest metropolitan area in Texas.

    Ignore the burnt-orange crowds surrounding the OU players when they arrive at the game in the middle of the Texas State Fair.

    So what if Texas has only played the Sooners in Oklahoma six times in the 104 game history of the series?

    Most of the games' officials are Texans? That doesn't matter because they are "neutral", too.

    Sooner fans know that in a tight game, the judgment calls will favor Texas. They always have and they always will.

    Calling Dallas a "neutral" site for the game is like saying pre-1865 Southern states were "neutral" country for kidnapped African slaves.

    No matter the numbers, it's definitely hostile territory. Sooner fans aren't falling for it.

    Maybe this is why a University of Oklahoma graduate and current U.S. congressman has proposed a bill to shut down the University of Texas and have the football team disbanded.

    You, as a Sooner fan, may have your own reasons why you despise the Longhorns so much. Maybe you can tell us what we have missed.