Pushing Up The Pennant Race

Baseball enters its final phase – the pennant race.  Now that the trading deadline has come and gone marking an end to all trades (except the ones that happen after the trading deadline), we can focus on the matter at hand – watching the Phillies and Yankees make it to the World Series. 

I mean, seriously, is there any doubt of that?  Oh, right, the Padres are going to “shock the world.”  First of all, the local news barely covers that team, how is the world ever going to hear about it?  Secondly, the team scores less than Cliff Clavin did (yet still more than the Dodgers).

Oh, but the Braves have some good, young talent.

Oh, but the Braves have some good, young talent.  That’s me mocking you in my high-pitched italic font.  You’re so naïve, it’s really quite adorable.

We all knew that only six teams had a chance to win entering this year.  It’s how you can tell the difference between baseball and basketball; one is built for six teams to have a chance to win and the other only has four potential winners on a yearly basis.  (Oh, that and one sport has more black people.) 

Even those odds were too great for the big market juggernauts in New York and Philly.  They had to narrow the playing field.  The Phillies were a mess earlier which is the only reason other teams are still in it.  And they got rid of Cliff Lee!  If they had him, they’d have sown it up by now, which is why they picked up Roy Harvey Oswalt.  (His middle name’s not “Harvey,” but doesn’t it feel like it should be in there?)  They didn’t like having to work so hard.

Now they have Cole Hamels, who was the only lefty better than Lee until last year, and is an ace on most other teams; they have Roy Halladay who has already thrown one perfect game this year; and now, they have Oswalt who pitched the Astros into the World Series by himself in 2005.  Where’s the challenge in that?

Then we have the Yankees.  As if their lineup wasn’t enough to support their pitching staff (they did win the World Series last year, y’know), then they upgraded in centerfield, DH, and added more pitching.

They lost a few games and decided they needed to upgrade even further.  So they got Lance Berkman.  Naturally.  And Kerry Wood.  Of course.  And Austin Kearns.  Why not?  The All-Star team didn’t have as many big name players as the Yankees do.

The Yankees hit the deadline like Paris Hilton hits the mall.  “I want one of those and get me one of those and I’ll take ten of those. . . and I want another dog to have something in my Milan estate when I visit.” 

Oh, but their middle relief is “suspect.”  Who cares?  In October, your middle relief is Andy Pettitte and Javier Vasquez. 

The Red Sox are among the six who go into each year with a shot at the crown, but have been so decimated by injury that they only have the fifth best record in the league right now.  Imagine if they had more than five regulars among their starting nine and more than two pitchers healthy for the entire season.

Hey, what about the Angels?  They added Dan Haren. 

Again, that’s adorable.  And the Dodgers got Scott Podsednik.  Well, at least he can show them his ring, cuz they sure as heck aren’t getting ones of their own.

Can we just cut to the chase here?  C’mon, Selig, start the World Series now.  The NFL has started training camp and the closer they get to the season (the Hall of Fame game is next week!), the lower your numbers get.  It’s downright embarrassing.  Save some face and play your ace-in-the-hole now. 

You’ll have two major markets with passionate fans driving ratings through the roof while the only talk right now is what Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco talk about during their lunch break.   

The window is small, Bud, and it’s shrinking fast.  Summer playoffs; I like it!  That would make you a forward thinker.  You came up with the wild card and that seems to be a success (after foolishly expanding to increase the need for the wild card system, but that’s another story); you came up with interleague play; and you implemented steroid testing only ten years too late. . . so let’s go for the Grand Salami here!

Right now, Phils and Yanks, best-of-seven (starting in Philly this year thanks to Joe Giraldi’s decision not to pinch run for David Ortiz), let’s give America what they’re waiting for . . . well, before football. 

Sure, you won’t carry the Baltimore market . . . or Cincy . . . probably not anywhere west of Cleveland . . . oh, that reminds me, Cleveland won’t watch either.  But you’ll get New York and Philly . . . and Boston (whose only desire will be for both teams to implode by some sort of scientific phenomena caused by the excess gaseous vapor generated by both sets of fanatics).

It’s your only hope.  With basketball’s popularity in the ol’ dumper, America wants baseball to do well.  Otherwise, we’ll be stuck watching jai alai matches on ESPN Doze to pass the summer months until . . . well, until right now.

Did you hear Albert Haynesworth didn’t pass his conditioning test?  Or that Darelle Revis is sitting on his island instead of participating in training camp?  Of course you did, because it’s football season!

Did you hear relief pitcher Scott Downs stayed put in Toronto?  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Brett Favre gets more coverage than baseball and he's not even a professional athlete (anymore).

That’s all I’m going to say.  Tom Brady’s talking to the press about what it’s like to be a father.  I’ve got to watch.