The Raw Retrospect (7/26/10)

The Raw Retrospect.

After a recap of the ending of last week’s Raw, we start the show off with John Cena. My hand is making its way toward the remote already.

Cena goes on a long tirade about how he wants to get rid of Nexus, and he can’t do it by himself because he’s not Superman. I laughed at that. No, John, you aren’t Superman, but that is how you are booked.

Cena then drops a joke about The Great Khali dressing up like Wonder Woman. Brutal. I can’t blame him though. He doesn’t write this shit.

Jericho comes out and complains that it should be his team, not Cena’s. The two bicker back and forth for a while in a solid promo before Michael Cole receives an email from the anonymous General Manger. God, the crowd HATES when Cole gets those emails. It’s like Vickie Guerrero level heat. The anonymous GM sets up a 7-on-7 match for Nexus and a tag team match between Jericho/Cena and two unnamed opponents. Works for me.

The GM’s email reads, “If you’re not down with that, I have two words for you…” They’re in San Antonio, the hometown of HBK. It’s not him.

Back from commercial, Sheamus is out to scout his SummerSlam opponent, Randy Orton.

Randy Orton vs. Jey Uso with Jimmy Uso and Tamina (Rating: ¾*):

When I saw Jey Uso was Orton’s opponent, I knew this wasn’t lasting long. To be honest, I wasn’t sure which Uso it was either. He’s not too bad in the ring though. Orton won with the RKO after about 4 minutes. It was a Raw special.

Post match, Sheamus gets an RKO from Orton. Then, “Awesome!” The Miz is cashing in… or so we thought. Orton hits an RKO on Miz before the match gets started. Damn. Did anyone notice that Orton seemed to freak out like he did after the match that killed Kofi’s push? He was cursing a storm when he got up. That’s not very PG, Randy.

Backstage segment is next with Edge talking to Ted “The Robot” DiBiase about The Great Khali. The best thing about this segment? Maryse, easily.

After the commercial, Miz and Sheamus are arguing in the ring. The easy-to-hate Cole says the GM has set up Sheamus/Miz vs. Cena/Jericho. Three heels in this match definitely makes it interesting.

Another backstage segment sets up Khali vs. Edge. If Edge wins, Khali is off the SummerSlam team. Please, Edge, do it for us!

The Great Khali w/ Rankin Singh vs. Edge (Rating: ZERO):

After about two minutes, Nexus comes out and Edge flees. Ugh. I guess that means we have to see Khali at SummerSlam. This gives me another reason, in addition to their lack of wrestling ability, to dislike Nexus.

Post match, Nexus surrounds Khali, but let him leave. It’s like the WWE is protecting Khali’s monster persona. Let Nexus take him out. It’ll give them more to brag about, and do us all a favor in removing Khali from the match.

Backstage, we see Evan Bourne, Yoshi Tatsu, Goldust, Mark Henry, The Hart Dynasty, and – wait for it – Jerry Lawler coming out to face Nexus. That really shows the lack of depth on the Raw roster.

7-on-7 Elimination Match: Team Babyface vs. Nexus (Rating: *1/2):

Anything but a complete sweep for Nexus here makes no sense. That’s just what we get though in a match that lasted only 13 minutes. The order of eliminations goes like this:

1. Michael Tarver eliminates Yoshi Tatsu with a nice, unique maneuver. I guess that’s his finisher. By the way, Tarver absolutely blows in the ring. Please get him out of there. Also, I think that loss officially sealed Tatsu’s fate on the future future-endeavored list.

2. During commercial, Heath Slater hits a move that is almost the exact same as Ziggler’s Zig Zag to eliminate Lawler.

3. Slater hits the Zig Zag type move again to eliminate David Hart Smith. Besides Barrett and Gabriel, I think Slater is better than the rest of Nexus in the ring. I had heard good things about him down in FCW. I’ll give him a chance.

4. David Otunga eliminates Goldust with his Rock Bottom/Spinebuster finisher. The dude can’t even hit his finisher right. But at least he gets to sleep with Jennifer Hudson, right? OK, maybe not.

5. Skip Sheffield eliminates Mark Henry with his clothesline finisher. The World’s Biggest Kool Aid Man is officially out of this match.

6. Darren Young eliminates Tyson Kidd with a move that I can best describe as a cross between Miz’s Skull-Crushing Finale and Cody Rhodes’ Crossroads.

7. Bourne is the only one left on Team Raw, but he gets eliminated about 30 seconds after Kidd when Barrett hits The Wasteland on him. Wow. I hope Bourne’s “push” isn’t already over. I know he was the last one left, but I at least expected him to get some offense in. I wonder where Bourne fits into the SummerSlam card, if anywhere. I’d like to see him face The Miz, but he seems preoccupied with the briefcase these days.

After the match, we get the standard Nexus beatdown on Bourne. Then a promo from Barrett, Sheffield and Tarver who talk about how Cena’s team – or is it Jericho’s – has its cracks, but Nexus is in this together. There was pretty good mic work from all three here even though Sheffield screwed up when he said “individual.” I’ll also go ahead and say that Sheffield could stick around for a while. He’s not too bad. Tarver’s mic skills are good too at such an early stage. He should stick with being a mouthpiece though, not a wrestler.

A backstage confrontation with Miz and Sheamus is next. Miz warns Sheamus that he could cash in the MITB briefcase later tonight. He won’t. Miz is main-eventing tonight’s Raw. Man, who would have ever thought he would go from Diva Search host to this? I love it.

Brie Bella vs. Alicia Fox (Rating: ¼*):

I love the Bella Twins’ little ass-shake dance when they come out. They can’t wrestle, but are damn sure nice to look at. I honestly forgot which Bella was in the ring about 10 seconds into the match. There’s too many damn twins on this show. Fox won with her axe kick that is bound to break someone’s neck one day. Jillian Hall comes out for some reason. I wasn’t paying attention, but I’m sure I didn’t miss much.

The divas right now aren’t smart, sexy and powerful. They’re one big joke.

Ted DiBiase vs. John Morrison (Rating: ½*):

Oh, good. It’s two of the WWE’s brightest young stars with the lovely Maryse sitting ringside. Damn, I can’t get over her hotness. Anyway, they should get a nice 10-minute match, right? Wrong. They got two minutes after R-Truth, who was on commentary, inadvertently cost Morrison the match.

Post match, the WWE teases friction between Truth and Morrison. I hope this leads to a heel turn for Morrison, who needs a refreshing start. It’s probably just to cause friction within Cena’s SummerSlam team.

Back from commercial, Orton is interviewed by Josh Matthews. Orton says no matter who has the belt, he will leave SummerSlam as the WWE Champion. It’s the same promo we’ve seen 100 times before, but what else is he supposed to say? I doubt he’ll actually win it anyway.

The Miz and Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho and John Cena (Rating: **1/2):

The match got about 13 minutes, which is like an eternity for Raw. Jericho played the role of the babyface in peril for most of the match despite being a heel.

He got the hot tag to Cena. Remember Cena saying he wasn’t Superman? Bullshit. That’s why Jericho took the beatdown, so SuperCena could come to the rescue. It’s formulaic in Cena matches. The match ended when Jericho hit the Codebreaker on Cena, and Miz snuck in for the win. They’re building him up nicely the last couple of weeks.

After the match, Jericho gets Cena in the Walls. Cena puts Jericho in the STF and all chaos breaks loose between the entire team Cena. Well, Bret Hart wasn’t there. According to Cole, he was “training.” I guess he had to train at that two-hour time frame on Monday night, right? Apparently so. The show ends with Cena telling everyone to stop. Superman would be able to stop anyone he wants.

Final Thoughts:

The show gets a 5/10 from me. Orton-Uso, Khali-Edge, Bella-Fox and DiBiase-Morrison lasted a total of about 10 minutes which is ridiculous for four matches. If this were SmackDown, DiBiase-Morrison itself would have went that long. Although there were too many short matches, the Nexus and Miz came out of this show looking strong while the main event was decent.

Stock Up:

The Miz: He got plenty of camera time and a pin on Cena in the main event. I’d expect his stock to keep rising as long as he has the MITB briefcase.

Stock Down :

Evan Bourne: He was in the match for about one total minute before getting pinned by Barrett and being the target of this week’s Nexus beatdown. It’s really unclear as to how he fits on the SummerSlam card, which is a shame. Hopefully he finds his way on Team Cena or faces the Miz for the US Championship.

HOW (Highlight of the Week):

Orton’s near freakout. That always cracks me up.

LOW (Lowlight of the Week):

Morrison losing in two minutes. Send him back to SmackDown, please.

Alright, folks, that’ll do it for the first Raw Retrospect. Please comment on the show, and let me know how I did on my first Raw review. If you guys like it, I’ll probably do one every week. I’m out!