"The Decision" Should Be LeBron's New Nickname

Let me start by saying that I've always liked LeBron James. I've been cheering for him to win a title, both for himself and for Cleveland.

After the nonsense of the past week, I'm done with that.

Tonight, "The Decision" will air on ESPN, and dutiful (or masochistic) viewers will get an hour-long special to see where LeBron James will be plying his trade next year. Or, more accurately, viewers will get thirty seconds of LeBron announcing his decision, thirty seconds of excited NBA fans in one city's sports bar, and thirty seconds of dejected NBA fans in another city's sports bar.

The rest of it? Who knows how ESPN and the James Gang will be filling the time. This monstrosity of a self-promotional idea from the James Gang feels a lot like a reality show, so maybe the hour will be filled with Ryan Seacrest cheerfully chirping about how the dreams of NBA teams will be ending tonight. LeBron could put on a tuxedo and have meaningful conversations with NBA general managers before handing out roses and giving tearful good-byes to teams that have their "journey" end in heartbreak.

Maybe they'll even have Jake and Vienna show up and have another tear-filled catfight. An hour is a lot of time to fill, after all.

Using the free agency period as a means to draw attention to yourself and "improve your brand" isn't entirely unique. What remains to be seen is if this exercise in self-aggrandizement will actually improve LeBron's image. I think the opposite will happen.

Remember, LeBron has zero championship rings. That's none, as in the same amount of rings that I have. Wherever LeBron ends up, the hype machine on steroids that has given birth to an hour-long LeBron infomercial means the pressure to win immediately ratchets up all the greater. After all, what reason would there be to have all this ridiculousness unless signing LeBron the free agent means instant titles for the team that gets the final rose?

So "The Decision" better be followed pretty quickly by "The Championship."

It's an amazing accomplishment. With his hour-long ego stroke this evening, LeBron will have made Brett Favre look like a decisive, team-first guy, and Kobe Bryant like the NBA's elder statesman.

This is the point where schadenfreude takes over for me. The best scenario would be for LeBron to choose the Knicks over the Cavaliers. LeBron, unable to overcome the decades of terrible karma built up by the Knicks, is a spectacular flame-out and can't get the Knicks past the second round of the Eastern Conference playoffs. The Cavaliers dust themselves off, use the salary cap space to improve their roster, and win a title.

Unlikely, in the extreme, I know. But the bottom line for LeBron is that, right now, the most memorable thing in his basketball career isn't his sublime play on the court. It's "The Decision" that airs tonight.

And that's why, until he actually wins something, his nickname should now be "The Decision."