Detroit Lions: The Optimists and Pessimists Among Us (Satire)

It’s the middle of June, and I am bored to death waiting for something to happen in Allen Park where the Lions seem to tease us daily by telling us as little as possible while dishing out clichés with cookies and milk.

Our community has been scrambling for meaningful information on all things Lions. We’ve become restless and even a bit cranky at times.

It’s time to lighten the mood, and set aside our analysis for a little fun.

It occurred to me that we rabid Lions fans can be thought of as either optimistic or pessimistic regarding the upcoming season. What follows is a comment that I made some time back in another article.

Now, as I see it, optimists and pessimists of the world fall into the following subcategories: 

The Eternal Optimist

Here is where we find the Kool Aid drinkers and cornbread eaters. These dogmatic “Feel Gooders” are the bane of pessimists everywhere.

If the eternal optimist occasionally slips into cautious optimism, we must consider this as an anomalous phenomena.

Eternal optimists are often delusional, and by week eight they are already optimistic about next season while trying to hide their annual disappointment. 

The Cautious Optimist

The cautious optimist is vulnerable to attacks of pessimism. Drugs and alcohol only exacerbate this condition. Depression is common during these episodes. The emotional roller coaster ride can be debilitating.

The cautious optimist is one who likes to remind us to temper our enthusiasm and expectations while secretly drinking the Kool Aid. 

The Pessimist

The pessimist can be thought of as an optimist with experience. The pessimist conversely suffers from reoccurring bouts of cautious optimism. When this occurs, the pessimist will rely upon his experience for pessimistic validation. This is agonizing reappraisal for the pessimist.

The greatest fear of the pessimist is that when he's wrong someone will say to him: “I told you so." 

The Cynical Pessimist

The cynical pessimist is the polar opposite of the eternal optimist. The cynical pessimist is on guard in all matters. They are always equipped with paper bags when attending a Lions game.

Occasionally, the cynical pessimist will lapse into blatant cynicism. The long recovery from blatant cynicism is particularly tortuous.

Our Lions community is an excellent support group for recovering cynics. We'll have to put a 12 step program into place, assign sponsors, and hold meetings (“Hi. My name is Mike and I am …..”).

We can apply these principles to everyone in our Lions community.

Responding to someone with grace is easier when we have insight into the person’s point of view. Our comments aren't necessarily a reflection of who we are, so much as our mood at the moment.

I hope you all enjoyed this whimsical perspective on who we are, and who we aren’t.