Can Jimmie Johnson Reclaim His Horseshoe During The All Star Race Weekend?

David YeazellSenior Analyst IMay 21, 2010

Hendrick horsepower is never an issue at the race track. Once out front, Hendrick Motorsports drivers lead more than they follow.

Four-time Sprint Cup champion Jimmie Johnson is no exception.

It’s no secret Jimmie Johnson has also had his share of luck this season.

After winning his third race out of five events, it was common to see Johnson’s name in the same sentence as luck and horseshoe.

That has all changed in the past few weeks.

Speculation is rising that it’s a horseshoe, not horsepower, causing Johnson’s recent issues.

Sources located close to the upper atmosphere have confirmed the existence of a top secret lab producing horseshoes.

If there was in fact a horseshoe, rumors have circulated it was located in either the rear wing of the car, or a similar geographical location on Johnson’s body.

Our inside sources have offered information to the contrary.

“What we did was develop a good luck charm that was ingested orally.”

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“Just after the final race before the chase, Johnson was given a pill containing a dehydrated horseshoe.”

“Once a little Gatorade is added, the pill dissolves, a good luck charm re-hydrates and lodges inside the intestines.”

According to a top secret instruction document, given normal eating habits and regular fluid hydration, it takes about six to eight weeks for the horseshoe to dissolve completely.

This, so far, has been adequate time for Johnson to secure enough good luck, and points, to win the championship.

After the Homestead-Miami race, it came to our attention Johnson not only wants to win his fifth consecutive championship, he also wants to set a single season record for wins.

In order to make this goal a reality, the top secret lab set out last year to develop a more concentrated type good luck charm: one that could take all season to dissolve instead of just a couple of months.

Given Johnson’s early season success, and extraordinary luck in a few of those races, the new formula seemed to be working.

Everything was working fine until an on track incident at Texas Motor Speedway involving Johnson and his car owner Jeff Gordon.

It is possible this altercation scared Johnson so bad that it caused him to have severe bowel spasms during the race.

These spasms possibly contributed to the horseshoe becoming dislodged, and then un-knowingly, evacuated through the proper channel.

After the race sources say there was so much fluid-like debris on and around Johnson’s seat, a Haz-Mat unit was contacted to remove the toxic waste.

At that time it is quite possible Johnson had no idea he may have discharged his lucky charm.

“We have looked everywhere,” said sources close to the situation.

Made of technologically advanced material undetectable by X-ray, CAT-Scan, MRI, and NASCAR inspectors, it will take more than a little green leprechaun to find the lucky charm.

“We have many options on how to locate the horseshoe. Deciding which option would be the most efficient has been more time consuming than expected.”

Johnson’s bad luck and on track performance is a testimony to something changing between Daytona and Texas.

Of course, the obvious answer could be something as simple as Johnson not being able to perform as well with the new spoiler.

The horseshoe idea sounds much better.

This article is strictly humor and contains very little factual information. 

Photo Credit: David L. Yeazell

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