How Manchester United Lost To Bayern Munich in the Champions League

"I think we scored too early," were the words from Sir Alex Ferguson at half-time, when his Manchester United side was winning 1-0 against Bayern Munich at the Allianz Arena in Germany.

Just 45 minutes later, that statement was well and truly vindicated as Franck Ribery and Ivica Olic stole the show for Bayern in a reverse of the 1999 UEFA Champions League Final.

Heading into the first leg of the Champions League quarterfinal, United manager Sir Alex Ferguson had intended to play his favourite, effective and so far reliable 4-3-3 formation that has so easily brushed aside the likes of AC Milan, Arsenal, and Liverpool in recent days.

But what he didn't intend was for the phenomenal Wayne Rooney to grab his 34th goal of the season with only 66 seconds of play gone, and then for Manchester United to do what they shouldn't have done.

It seems as if the likes of Luis Nani and Ji-Sung Park were playing opposites with their manager, and reverting the formation to a 4-5-1 and saying "please come and play kiss-chase with us Franck [Ribery] and Hamit [Altintop]."

As the Bayern Munich onslaught ensued after Rooney's early goal, it seems the instructions of "push forward" by Sir Alex to Park and Nani were interpreted by the duo as some sort of reverse psychology!

Matters also weren't helped by Park's panic moments when he had the ball in attack and decided to put in a hopeful yet lame cross to the four-man-marked Wayne Rooney, as the Korean must've probably sh*t his pants hearing sweaty, grunting Germans galloping towards him.

And as for Nani, he obviously misinterpreted the description of the Allianz Arena as a "magnificent threatre." His threatrical simulation and feigning of injuries would've been very well applauded in a West End musical in London, not a brutal Champions League football match in front of 62,700 beer guzzling, Bavarian hooligans and 3,300 crazy Brits.

But the silly defeat wasn't all down to the wingers of course.

Gary Neville is clearly losing his mind with old age, as the 35-year old got confused between football and handball with his unnecessary handling of the ball, which earned him a yellow card, and Bayern that vital free-kick which was subsequently scored by Franck Ribery.

Michael Carrick and Paul Scholes didn't seem too keen on winning either, as their constant backward passes were gratefully received by the hungry, bestial, pressurising Bayern midfielders.

And then of course there is the man of the moment himself, the guy who gave Bayern Munich their admittedly deserving victory.

No, not Ivica Olic, but rather Patrice Evra, the France international who was implementing the classic Raymond Domenech tactic of lump it clear, rather than the Sir Alex Ferguson tactic of play it out of danger with slick passing to create a counter-attack.

In the dying moments of the game, when you have the ball in your own penalty area and all you need to do to secure a draw of colossal importance for your side is to hoof the ball upfield, that's exactly what you should do, right?

Wrong, if your name is Patrice Evra. If you are Mr. Evra, instead of clearing the ball and ending the game, you play tiddlywinks and wait for the opponent to steal the ball off you so they can score the winner against your team.

Just like Neville got confused between football and handball, Evra deleteriously got confused between the sports of football and tiddlywinks.

And that, my friends, is how Manchester United lost 2-1 to Bayern Munich in the first leg of the UEFA Champions League quarterfinal at the Allianz Arena in Germany.

With Arjen Robben, Bastian Schweinsteiger, and a fully-fit Mario Gomez set to come back in the return leg at Old Trafford next week for Bayern, can the Manchester United full-backs finally realise the difference between handball, tiddlywinks, and football?

And can the United wingers realise that their manager is not actually playing psychological tricks on them when he says push forward and attack?

And do you think the Manchester United midfielders will learn how to pass the ball forward?

We all know elite level footballers aren't the most intelligent of people in society, but perhaps the lads from Manchester might actually use their heads a bit more in the next match against their German counterparts.