2010 Idiot's Guide to NCAA Tournament: Learn the Buzz Words!

Jeff KalafaAnalyst IIIMarch 16, 2010

The 2010 Idiot's Guide to the NCAA Basketball Tournament, in its revised edition, will help everyone understand the lingo, the terms, and all the buzz words used by your favorite college basketball analysts.

AUTOMATIC BID   Used in Bridge when East opens with three no-trump, or higher—West is forced to respond.  Not to be confused with an AT-LARGE BID where West is not required to respond, when East opens with less than three no-trump.  Has little to do with NCAA tournament except for rumor that NCAA adopted bracket designations (East and West) from Bridge.  Also used to describe offer made for car that doesn't have a manual transmission.

BRACKETOLOGY   A course offered at technical schools where students are taught the fine points of constructing shelves.

BRACKET BUSTER   One who kicks or breaks shelves during NCAA tournament, when his or her team loses close game.

BUZZER BEATER   One who pulls out wiring of door bell, out of anger or frustration, during NCAA tournament when his or her team loses close game. 

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CRUNCH TIME  Used to refer to fourth quarters of close games when announcers remind fans they may be tired and should reach for Nestle's Crunch Bars to replace lost nervous energy.  "It's Crunch Time."

FIELD OF 64   Recently found long-lost Beatles' track.  Mixture of "Strawberry Fields," and "When I'm Sixty-Four."  Will be played periodically during timeouts of this year's tournament.

FINAL FOUR   Name that Beatles wanted to go by after Pete Best, the original drummer, was replaced by Ringo.  Manager Brian Epstein convinced group to keep using the name "Beatles."

GOING TO THE DANCE  Used when teams change from standard flex and motion offenses to the intricate dance offense. They are "GOING TO THE DANCE. "

LIVE TO PLAY ANOTHER DAY   Common phrase used by parents whose children interrupted them when watching NCAA tournament.  Parents would say "do you want to LIVE TO PLAY ANOTHER DAY ?"  Term died out some when it became illegal for parents to use excessive physical force on children.

MARCH MADNESS   Mood disorder affecting women from March, lasting until mid-April.  Symptoms include feelings of abandonment, depression, and anger.  Many women complain of trying to initiate conversation with significant other and being told, "quiet, the game is in overtime."

MID MAJOR   New major field of study one realizes they must change to when physics becomes too difficult. Usually occurs in middle of second semester when students watch too many NCAA tournament games and have trouble concentrating on studies.

NO. 1 SEED   Highly effective kernel used for growing flowers, grass, and plants.

ON THE BUBBLE   Originally "On the Bubbly."  Used to describe fans, whose teams make early exit from NCAA tournament, and pick up alcoholic beverages such as champagne.  He or she is said to be "ON THE BUBBLE."

RPI ( RATINGS PER CENTAGE INDEX)    Not to be confused with Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute located in Troy, N.Y., or "Rest in Peace."  Term used to confuse fans when pollsters rate teams without watching games.